(Minghui.org) I’m grateful for this opportunity to share my cultivation experiences from the past year and a half while working in the media. In 2019, after a few years of unwittingly preparing myself for this precious journey, I joined the Epoch Media Academy.
I studied a little journalism in college, and as a child, I was interested in TV reporting. So being here now, it is obvious to me that Master Li (Dafa’s founder) arranged this path from the time I was born - even before I began practicing Falun Dafa when I was 19 years old.
I attended my first Fa conference in Washington D.C. in 2018 which is interesting because now I’m back in D.C. where this whole journey started. At the D.C. Fa conference, a practitioner introduced me to an HR employee, and two years later I joined the Epoch Media Academy. I've been working full-time since 2020.
This journey has felt like the blink of an eye. Writing this now makes me realize how fast the days go by and how precious each day is. I should really cherish my time and myself more. Master compassionately reminds us time and time again that this period of time is precious, and that we should cherish it.
When I first started working at the media, I was full of energy and optimistic. I couldn’t imagine anywhere else I wanted to be. But I looked around and saw that most of the veteran employees looked drained and tired. But I still praised them in my mind for having stuck it out all these years. I asked myself, “Will this happen to me? Will I one day not be able to bear the pressure anymore? What if I can’t endure it as these folks do, and what if I cave in and decide to quit?”
Having this thought, I felt I should be proactive. I told my friend one day, “I think one day working here will become very difficult. I may even have thoughts of quitting in the future if I can’t take the pressure.” I asked her, “If I ever tell you I am thinking about quitting, please remind me of this conversation, and please convince me not to quit.” She smiled and agreed.
Months later, indeed the pressure was wearing on me. I felt miserable and lost sight of how precious this time is. I forgot that Master led me here, and I gave into selfishness. I complained to many of my friends that I was unhappy, wanted to quit and go back to school. Finally, the friend I made a deal with long ago spoke up and said, “You told me you would say this and told me to tell you not to quit… remember?” That hit me like a warning stick and helped me to readjust and focus myself again.
The challenges got even more intense though, and at one point I was just one flight away from saying goodbye to my pre-arranged path to contribute to our media. Literally, one flight, as I had already booked my ticket back to my hometown. But I am grateful that Master intervened and pushed me ahead.
Master Guides Me Through the First Big Tribulation
I’ve harbored some attachments for years, and they almost caused me to stray from my predestined path of working for the media. Thanks to Master’s compassionate guidance, I didn’t give up.
As news reporters, we have to pitch a topic every day, and schedule interviews. During our morning meetings every day I felt like I was competing with others about who had a good story, who was able to schedule an interview, etc. I was always constantly looking for praise from my boss so I could feel worthy of the job. I always wanted my boss and colleagues to tell me I was capable and doing well. I still struggle with these same attachments and even though I’ve eliminated a few layers—I still have many layers of these attachments to peel back.
I often got very upset if I didn’t schedule an interview, if I couldn't find an interesting topic to report on, or if I felt like others were doing better than me. These attachments to competitiveness coupled with my low self-esteem and not cherishing myself almost caused me to give up working in the media.
In the first few months working full-time, I struggled with strong thought karma, thoughts like: “I’m not good enough. I can never schedule the right interviews. I’m not fast enough. I will never be a good reporter. My stories are never good, I’m wasting my time,” or the worst thought of all, that I was wasting Dafa’s resources by being here. I felt like I was drowning in guilt every day for “wasting Dafa’s resources.”
I told a few practitioners about these destructive thoughts, and they all tried to encourage me and told me that just being in the company with righteous thoughts was good enough. But I couldn’t accept it. Finally, one day I decided that I couldn’t keep wasting Dafa’s resources because my reporting skills weren’t improving and everyone else was doing better than me anyway, so they didn't need me. I decided I would quit and go back to college to do something more valuable with my time. I rushed to the back of the office and searched for immediate flights to return home. This was in April 2020. I had already planned to visit my family for a week that month, so I just rescheduled my flight ticket for an earlier date and canceled the return flight to New York City.
I immediately went to my producer and firmly told her that I quit and planned to move back home the following week. I remember it vividly: I told her my standard for myself was too high, even higher than her standard was for me. She responded in a harsh tone, “Well, now you have no standard at all!” I felt moved by her words- she was right. Another warning stick! But I was still insistent that I was quitting. Right after our talk, I walked straight to HR and explained my plan to leave the next week.
I went to pack my things, and I called my mom and aunt to tell them I planned to come back. This was around the time when the CCP virus was starting to spread around the U.S. My sister and aunt both said they were concerned about me bringing home the CCP virus from New York City and kindly asked me to wait until the virus wasn’t so severe before making the trip. I was forced to stay in New York and face my attachments squarely.
Over the next few days, I tried to focus on studying the Fa and looking within. The attachments that made me want to quit started surfacing. I realized that I was spending too much time and energy on trifle matters and my competitive mindset was wearing me down. I worked hard trying to outshine others in the morning meetings and I worried too much when I felt like my story wasn't meeting a professional level standard.
I remembered what Master said,
“But neither should we become overly cautious gentlemen, always focusing on trifles, even hopping around when walking, worrying about stepping on ants. I say that you would be living a tiring life. Isn't that also an attachment.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
And,
“One should focus on a broader perspective and cultivate in an upright and dignified manner.”(Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
I suddenly realized that even if my work wasn't meeting a professional standard just yet, I shouldn't focus on such trivial details. I should continue to try my best and walk my path in a dignified manner. So, I stayed in New York.
I felt Master truly protected me and didn’t let me stray from my path. Master said,
“As for what Teacher has given, these things are what I have given you. My Fashen will protect you until you are able to protect yourself.”(Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
Just a few months after this intense episode, I saw the most impressive improvement in my skills and those of my colleagues. We were becoming more and more professional every day, and I’m glad that I stayed. Our English language NTD channel has grown so fast, that it’s still hard to believe.
We Focus on Practicing, Master Handles the Rest
Master has reminded us multiple times,
“Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by the Master¨ (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I felt this sentence manifest before my eyes as I watched our English language NTD channel grow so fast. When I started as a full-time reporter for our English language channel just one and a half years ago, we only had two thirty-minute long news shows per day, and we were not even broadcasting on cable TV. Fast-forward to just 17 months later, we now have about nine quality shows, and we are broadcasting live on cable around the clock. We broadcast our show in multiple big U.S. cities and on a variety of platforms. We also just launched a new UK channel. While we still have many improvements to make in professionalism and in other areas, seeing how rapidly our English language channel has grown makes me feel like I’m one of the luckiest people to be a part of our media in these unprecedented times. I know that it was through Dafa’s wisdom that we accomplished all this so quickly.
I remember the night that it was announced that English language NTD would start broadcasting on cable, and then a few months after that, it was announced we would start broadcasting 24 hours a day. We were to start a few new programs and expand our two daily news programs from just thirty minutes long to 1 hour long. As I listened to this plan, I felt like it would be impossible—our team was already stretched so thin with only producing the shorter programs. It already felt like none of us had time to breathe during the workday.
My skill level was still quite elementary at the time, and I struggled to produce even one news package per day. How could I take on more work? But, I tried not to think about this too much and just went with the flow. I replaced my fearful thought with the thought that if we had the will to reach the goal, then it would happen and that we should just try our best. The next thing I knew, writing scripts felt like a breeze, and scheduling interviews was no longer so challenging. I was eventually easily able to write two scripts per day, do one or two interviews per day and edit at least one video too—more than tripling my previous workload.
I noticed my colleagues were experiencing a similar push forward. Soon, all of our reporters could produce two news pieces per day and the longer news program was not difficult to accomplish. I know we were able to accomplish this rapid improvement because we had the thought that we’d try our best, and we had the will to do it. So, Master pushed us ahead. The wisdom of Dafa helped our team reach a new level.
Attachment of Pride, Competitiveness, Jealousy, and Complacency
I recently moved to Washington D.C. and we plan to launch a new program here very soon. Based on my experience expanding our English language NTD show, I have no doubt we can accomplish this, but I do still harbor attachments that could block us from doing well.
Attachments that come up nearly every day are ego, pride, and competitiveness. I get really moved when I feel like my news isn’t good, or when I feel like someone else has a better story than mine. I still struggle with these negative thoughts every day. I hope that by sharing this with you all it will help me take these bad attachments seriously. When someone is doing well, I’m very jealous and uncomfortable. I feel like that person Master described in Zhuan Falun,
“...for if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people will feel uncomfortable.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
To eliminate this thought, I try to remember that if they’re doing well, our media is doing well, which means we’re effectively saving people. So I shouldn't be moved by others’ success. I also have to remind myself constantly to not care too much about my own accomplishments either. My producer also constantly reminds me not to be attached to pride. When I show off or brag about an accomplishment to her, she asks me, “Are you saying this with pride? Are you proud?” I really do appreciate her for holding me accountable, and gently questioning if I'm indulging in an attachment. It reminds me to take this attachment seriously every single time it comes up. I think that we should all try to encourage and remind each other, kindly and gently, when we notice a practitioner might be revealing an attachment. The other practitioner might not notice it, or take it seriously, and by reminding them, it's an opportunity to cultivate our own compassion and learn how to be more gentle and kind to others.
My jealousy and competitiveness also surfaced when I was around other practitioners who are deemed “successful” people in our media- particularly show hosts and high-level reporters—I felt extremely jealous. So jealous, in fact, that I often undermined their accomplishments, thinking, “If it weren’t for Master, they wouldn’t be so successful.” I questioned why everyone looked up to them. I think the real reason I got so moved by these successful people whom everyone looked up to is that I want people to look up to me instead.
Master said,
“After this attachment is developed, he will dare to say anything, “I’m the Buddha. You don't need to learn from others. I'm the Buddha, so I’ll tell you what to do.¨ He will begin to do these things.”(Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I still have to pay serious attention to this, because even now I get annoyed when people don’t listen to me or take my advice. I don’t like to admit when others are doing well and try to brush it off as Master’s accomplishments and not their own. But having this thought is hypocritical of me because when I'm doing well or when I accomplish something great, I like to take credit for it. I don't acknowledge that it's the team behind me that helped this success unfold, and I also forget that all my skills were given to me by Master.
Master said,
“With an everyday person’s body, an everyday person’s hands, and an everyday person’s mind, do you think that you can transform high-energy matter into gong or increase gong? How could it be so easy! In my view, that is a joke. That is the same as pursuing something externally and seeking something externally. You will never find it.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I have to force myself daily to remind myself of this principle, and continuously work on overcoming these attachments.
Even now I battle thoughts such as, “Yes I am a great reporter. I’m better than others. I know I’m doing very well, and I’m also a very fast learner. Look at how many accomplishments I’ve had in just one year.” These thoughts are really dangerous.
Thankfully other practitioners are very good at reminding me that my accomplishments are not my own and nothing to puff up my ego with. To help lessen this jealousy and self-centeredness I've tried to pay more attention to others’ accomplishments and to constantly remind myself that Master has given me all the skills I have, and I should care less about my own accomplishments. I hope I can do better in this regard and walk my path solidly in the time ahead.
Thank you, Master, for this precious opportunity to work for the media. Heshi!
Thank you fellow practitioners for letting me share this experience with you!
(Presented at the 2021 Online International Young Practitioners Experience Sharing Conference)
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