(Minghui.org) A few months ago, a black sarcoma grew bigger and bigger on the left side of my face near my temple. It was originally something similar to a flat wart, which had been there for more than 10 years. It was very small, and it later grew slowly. I hadn't paid much attention to it most of the time because I could hardly see it in the mirror, and I didn't feel anything.
A few months ago, I felt a pain when I put on my helmet to ride my bicycle. When I looked at it closely in the mirror, I found that it had become a black tumor. I felt terrible about it. The word "melanoma" popped up in my mind. I worried that it would grow bigger and bigger, and if it continued to develop, it would become malignant. At night, I dreamed of a piece of paper with the word "tumor" written on it.
Panicky Feeling
I felt panicky during those days. I thought of cutting it off or burning it off with a laser treatment when passing beauty shops. However, after many years of cultivation, I had passed many tribulations and difficulties, and I knew that human methods could not solve my problem. I remembered an article by a practitioner on the Minghui website talking about how he had sent righteous thoughts for a month to eliminate a growing wart from his face.
I was inspired by the story, so I started to send righteous thoughts to clear the sarcoma and the evil beings behind it. I also asked my family members to also send righteous thoughts.
I was confident at the beginning, but after a while, I felt frustrated, and depressed after I saw the tumor didn't stop growing. I also felt more and more pain from it.
Sometimes I had negative thoughts that revealed my lack of faith: “This affects my clarifying the truth. Why doesn't Master help me?”
One day, it suddenly occurred to me that I should not just send righteous thoughts, but also look inside for attachments. I knew that I had the attachment of lust which was related to reading or watching things with impure content, and secondly, I had been attached to seafood.
Over the years, I had been particularly fond of eating seafood, and it had become a strong desire and addiction. Before the sarcoma grew, I had often felt itchy at that area. I knew that behind the sarcoma were evil spirits that had been attracted by my desire and addictions. But I felt that it was not enough just to find these two superficial problems.
I went on looking inside and searching carefully. After the sarcoma surfaced, many attachments were exposed, including the human notion of illness, attachment to reputation, vanity, low self-esteem and so on.
Filled with Human Notions
What was my human notion of illnesses? I would think about the sarcoma like: “This is a tumor; it is getting worse; it is becoming cancer...” These notions made me fearful, helpless, and worried. So I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate these human notions, and I decided I wouldn't follow them.
I stopped thinking of going to beauty shops or related hospitals to remove the tumor. I was frequently in a bad mood during this time, and I occasionally felt depressed. I didn't want others to see my sarcoma as I would feel embarrassed. At home, I tried to block my family from seeing it.
I also felt scared and was afraid that others outside of my family would see it too. I wore a helmet and sometimes a hat when I rode a bicycle, and I didn’t think others could see the growth.
But one day I met a friend, who stared at it carefully, and told me with concern how it could grow on my face. He also said that he hadn't seen it before. I was hurt upon hearing this, which made me feel bad all day long. I felt frustrated and annoyed.
When I was riding a bicycle, I saw the pedestrians coming and going on the street. They all seemed to have good skin.
When I was in despair, I suddenly remembered that when I cultivated well before, my skin was shiny and rosy, and looked very good. People praised me whenever we met.
That was how I had formed a stubborn and strong false self, obsessed with fame. After I reflected on why I felt lost and sad, I realized it was because my current appearance was in great contrast to that of the past, and I couldn’t accept it.
The false self made me long to live in the past when I was often praised for my good skin. At that moment, I suddenly remembered a person I encountered two days prior. The entire left half of his face was covered by black tumors. It was scary to see and one could not see his facial expression.
But, standing on his right side, I could see a completely normal face. When I saw him, he was purchasing something. I saw him smiling on the right side of his face, and I didn't see any sign of inferiority, panic, and so on from him. I thought to myself, “Why should I feel so sad if this person can live a normal life? Besides, I'm a cultivator. How can I be inferior to an ordinary person in this regard?”
I suddenly realized that it was not me who feared, felt miserable and depressed; it was not me who was afraid. It was the desire for fame, the mentality of vanity, and inferiority. I could suddenly separate them from me. In an instant, all the substances of misery, frustration, and depression disappeared, and I felt a kind of joy, and I almost laughed out loud while riding my bike.
Negative Thoughts Disturbing Mind
I was in a good mood throughout the afternoon, and I felt very strong energy when sending righteous thoughts. But by the next morning negative thoughts popped up again when I was doing the 2nd exercise, holding the wheel between my arms. They were so strong that it was hard for me to suppress them. With my prior experience, I knew I should separate them from me.
I tried my very best to reject them by telling myself, “I don't feel depressed or miserable, but the desire for fame and human notions do. I will not be driven by them anymore. Now I'm completely eradicating them.”
After I continued like this for a while, all of a sudden, the negative thoughts disappeared. My mind was tumbling a second before, then, a second later, it calmed down in an instant. At that moment, I clearly felt that many of the evil beings and factors associated with these attachments and human notions were disintegrated. Meanwhile, I knew that the evil beings behind the sarcoma were gone, so it would only be a matter of time before this illusion (sarcoma) disappeared.
The sarcoma broke two days later when I accidentally touched it, and pus and blood flowed out. I squeezed it to let the pus and blood flow out and wiped it away with tissues. I gently tore off the cauliflower-like sarcoma, and finally only one wound was left. Two days later, the wound was healed, only a small scar remained. After the scar went away, there was only one mark, and I couldn't feel it with my fingers.
Tribulations Caused by Attachments
Two days ago, the thought suddenly came to mind again, and I realized that Master was reminding me to write down my experience.
In writing this sharing article, I came to understand: A tribulation may have been caused by many attachments. Behind my tribulation manifested many of my attachments, including lust, and being addicted to seafood. Looking back, I realized that my most serious problem was that I didn't even notice my strong desire for fame, which included my ego, vanity and self-esteem, and so on.
I clearly remember that I had strong anger, resentment, and hatred when my desire for fame was challenged.
Master said:
"He who acts for his namea life of anger and hate is his" (“An Upright Person” in Hong Yin, Translation Version A)
Attachments Exposed by Tribulations
Since I was a child, I had been sensitive, sought fame, and developed a strong ego. Those attachments that had been formed over the years were thoroughly exposed in this tribulation.
I had been working on getting rid of my lust, and addiction to seafood, and so on, but I didn't know I had such a strong desire for seeking fame. I had taken it as myself and had been manipulated by it for years.
Fortunately, in that tribulation, I finally saw it and separated it from myself with the help of Master’s enlightenment. As a result, it was cleared away, and the tribulation that came with it was dissolved.
In the tribulation, I could not be obsessed with solving the manifestations of the tribulation, such as pain, interference and illness karma. They were just like the branches and leaves from a tree.
The real "root" was hidden behind the tribulation, and my human notions were what the old forces could take advantage of. By looking inward, I could dig out the "root", and the branches and leaves that were relying on the "root" naturally lost their function.
Master said:
"Remove your human thoughtsand evil will naturally die out" ("Don't Be Sad", Hong Yin II, Translation version A)
"If that attachment is relinquished, that material itself does not have any effect. What really interferes with a person is the attachment.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
It is important for us to recognize those human notions and attachments in a tribulation, and get rid of them. I realized that it was not difficult to get rid of our human notions and attachments as long as we can separate ourselves from them.
Realizing this, I passed another xinxing test a few days ago. The day before, I was misunderstood and wronged by the company's leader, and I felt bad.
After getting home, although I knew that I was passing a test, the unjust words kept ringing in my ears, which hurt a great deal. I kept reciting "What is Forbearance (Ren)? " and "Further Understanding" and other of Master's scriptures.
I felt better each time after I recited them again, but it would lose effect after a while. And furthermore, I could suddenly remember some details of the incident that the leader had wronged me, and it didn't happen as what he said.
At that moment, a thought came to my mind, saying, “Call him immediately to clarify it, don't wait...”
But I didn't call because at that time, I remembered this cultivation experience sharing article that I had been writing recently, and I remembered how I had removed the desire for fame, and at the same time I remembered what Master said:
"What’s the use of your kowtowing and worshipping Teacher if once you step out the door, you still continue to conduct yourself as usual and do whatever you want, competing and fighting for your fame and self-interest among everyday people?” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that this was another test of the desire for fame. If I called, it would be “competing and fighting for your fame or personal interest.”
Amidst the painful agony, a righteous thought suddenly emerged in my mind, “I am not suffering, but the desire of seeking fame is suffering. It wants to break out, but I will resolutely eliminate it.”
In an instant, all the strong bad thoughts stopped, and I became peaceful and calm. The strong thought of wanting to explain it to the leader seemed to have been blocked thousands of miles away, and I felt it was not important any more to talk about.
The shock I felt at this dramatic change was really beyond words. This made me feel more so that those things were not really me. When I could distinguish them, they could be removed quickly.
The next morning, I calmly and kindly told the leader the true situation of the incident. The misunderstanding instantly disappeared, and the atmosphere was peaceful and harmonious.
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Category: Improving Oneself
