(Minghui.org) Influenced by the culture of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), as I grew up I became a “modern strong woman.” I became the kind of person that Teacher mentioned,
:Women are strong and smartImpetuous, sharp-tongued, and dominating.”(“Yin and Yang Reversed,” Hong Yin III)
My domineering character brought great obstacles to my life. After practicing Falun Dafa, I gradually realized this wasn’t my true nature. My domineering behavior came from selfishness. However, this “selfish self” was with me for decades so it became very strong and difficult to remove.
I usually insisted on my own ideas. I realized selfishness is a characteristic of the old universe, but it was so strong in me that it continued to cause issues throughout my cultivation. It had become such an integral part of me that sometimes I did not even realize it was there—dominating my actions. Whenever I tried to eliminate it the process was very painful. I would feel jealous, uncomfortable and even lose sleep.
Insist On My Own Ideas
My husband has listened to me for more than 30 years. I usually can compromise on small stuff but won’t give in on major household decisions.
One time when we remodeled the house, I was hoping that my husband could take charge without me getting involved. However, habitually frugal, he wanted to make a good deal without spending much money. How could this be done? I eventually took over from my husband and began making the decisions. During the remodeling, I could accept minor suggestions from the family members, but did not give in for major decisions. I did not consider others’ feelings at all and only focused on achieving my goals.
Sometimes I realized that I deviated from a good cultivation state, but I could not control my behavior. I continued the cycle of making mistakes, regretting it and hoping to improve next time. As this continued I missed many opportunities to eliminate my attachment.
Complaints When Things Do Not Go My Way
If I was forced to accept others’ decisions, my resentment would surface. When I became irrational, I would vent my anger by complaining to other people.
For example, when our granddaughter was still young, we bought a house near an elementary school to make it easy to pick her up from school. Three years passed and my granddaughter was old enough to attend school, but my son and daughter-in-law wanted to send her to another school, located a bit far away. They believed the school they chose was better for her. Although unhappy, I had to accept the arrangement because education is very important. However, I complained every time I encountered difficulties when picking up my granddaughter. I thought that young generations are selfish, and don’t consider the needs of their parents.
My thinking revolved around who made the decision. If it was I who chose this school, I wouldn’t complain.
Insisting on My Understanding
As a practitioner, I sometimes insist on my understanding about cultivation when I talk with other practitioners. The more I talk about it, the better I feel. I keep on talking about my understanding without paying attention to others’ thoughts. I even believed that my sharing was superior to that of others.
Over time, my thoughts became irrational and deviated from Dafa. It seemed like I could not control my main consciousness, and it felt as if my brain was manipulated. How terrifying!
My domineering attitude was a reflection of the CCP culture and could not tolerate it if anyone questioned me or had another opinion. I totally forgot about two-way communication. This problem was the main reason why I could not clarify the facts well to others.
Expose Selfishness
Insisting on one’s own ideas is a manifestation of selfishness and being self-centered. My inability to listen to other peoples’ opinions was completely opposite to what Master said, “... to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
When my ideas were not accepted, I wished subconsciously that other people’s plans would fail in order to prove me right. Even though I should support others kindly and unconditionally bring about better results.
It is very harmful for practitioners to insist on their own ideas. If we take other people’s benefits to satisfy our own desires, we will lose virtue. When we fight for ordinary people’s things and argue based on their principles, cultivators cannot improve ourselves. We must not take worldly things so seriously.
Conclusion
This selfish mindset of insisting on one’s own ideas can manifest in different ways. The old universe’s selfish nature can remain hidden in one’s dimension. As practitioners, we are not afraid of facing these conflicts because we can recognize the causes and look inward and improve ourselves. However, problems persist when we cannot identify our selfishness. Even worse, we may rely on it, and become reluctant to get rid of it to enjoy so-called human pleasures.
In every test or conflict, if practitioners can let go of insisting on their own ideas, finally gain control, and do the right thing, we will experience the tranquility of being a cultivator. This calm mindset does not come from relieving pressure in human life but comes from sweeping clean our own dimension fields.
After Teacher helped us remove a thick layer of bad substance from our bodies, we deeply realize the beautiful state of: “… when you take a step back in a conflict, you will find the seas and the skies boundless.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
Thank you, Teacher, and fellow practitioners!
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Category: Improving Oneself
