(Minghui.org) Greetings Master! Greetings fellow practitioners!
I began practicing Falun Dafa 12 years ago, and I appreciate the opportunity to talk about my experiences.
I always read the Fa but I still perceived a distance, something that stood between me and being able to internalize the teachings.
When a practitioner died I wondered, “What prevented them from staying alive and continue cultivating?” I also wondered if I would be able to see my own cultivation gaps. Would I face a great test, a great tribulation, as they did?
When I looked inside I could clearly see the difference between doing what Master asks me to do, on the one hand from my ordinary mind, and on the other hand, walking the path that Master has prepared for each of us. If a sudden tribulation came could I distinguish between the my own understanding of the Fa and the Fa that arises from deep within my heart?
It was not clear to me which attachment was preventing me from becoming one with the Fa. I continued to be diligent, did what Master asked us to do, and tried to melt into the Fa, but I was unable to see my fundamental attachment. So, Master compassionately arranged this test.
My Tribulation
On June 15, I fell while walking on the street but I immediately thought, “…one thought can determine the outcome of things, for better or for worse.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Passersby offered to take me to a hospital, but I thought, “I do not recognize any arrangement other than that of Master Li Hongzhi. I am a Dafa disciple. Falun Dafa hao, Zhen Shan Ren hao (Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good).”
Even though I could not move my arm, I walked to my office and started working. I thought my shoulder was dislocated, and that once I got there, I would be able to fix it. This ordinary person’s thought won, and that thought alone, opened the gap.
Master said,
“As a spiritual practitioner your mind will be tested in this manner. And when that happens it will be a real test for you, and will reveal whether you view it as a practitioner or as an ordinary person. If you view it in human ways, then the old forces will think you’d better go to the hospital or see a doctor.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference”)
I arrived at my workplace and tried to fix the dislocated shoulder. Without realizing it I kept widening the gap, even though I kept repeating, “Falun Dafa hao, Zhen Shan Ren hao. (Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance is good.)”
I was taken to the hospital. I was thinking that when other practitioners were taken to the hospital nothing was found to be wrong, so I decided to go. Because I am a Dafa disciple, they would say that I was fine, and I could go home. This thought widened the gap because I was expecting a miracle. It is not possible to become one with the Fa if you allow the notions of ordinary people to interfere with you. I realized that taking the experiences of other practitioners as my guide is pursuit.
The result of not understanding the Fa from the depths of my heart was that I had two fractures, one in my left arm, and the other on my right knee. I was put in a cast. I kept reciting Lunyu. I kept clarifying the truth to everyone in the hospital. I was happy to tell them about Dafa.
But the gap was open. I believed the doctors diagnoses, and what I saw on the X-rays. I accepted the medical treatment that came from the world of ordinary people, like an ordinary person. It was strange because the entire time I felt Master’s presence.
Experiencing Master’s Compassion
I now understand that I had to go through this experience to identify my fundamental attachment. After I went home my state of consciousness was different. It was like inhabiting a different body. Although I wanted to, I could hardly do anything—yet I felt at peace, and calm. I was in a state of experiencing rather than explaining. This state allowed me to recognize and eliminate three major attachments.
1. The attachment to being in control. Now that I was unable to move I could see and follow the natural course.
2. The attachment to reputation. Because I had difficulty moving I could not do anything for others. I felt I wasn’t useful to anyone.
3. The attachment to showing off. Instead of wanting to explain to others how it should be done, I kept silent and allowed others to express themselves.
When I identified and eliminated these attachments, my mind was silent, pure, innocent, and willing to follow the natural course. I understood that Master was showing me where I needed to improve.
With that mindset I was able to receive from others. Relatives and friends unconditionally helped me. I realized that all humans at this time are beings that came from very high levels, and reincarnated now to obtain the Fa.
I also felt a great need for fellow practitioners’ presence—the need for the strength that comes when we study the Fa together, practice the exercises together, and send righteous thoughts together. Our attachments are diminished and eliminated when we all act together.
I understood that we need to realize that what happens to one Dafa practitioner, happens to the entire body. Let us be more compassionate.
Looking Deep Into My Heart and Finding My Fundamental Attachment
I felt Master’s presence, but at the same time I had doubts. I have faith in Master and the Fa, so how is it that I am experiencing an ordinary person’s situation? I needed to look deeper into my heart, and find the fundamental attachment that prevented me from raising my xinxing. I continued to study the Fa every day, I kept cultivating, I did not stop doing the practice, first lying and moving only one arm. Little by little, my fundamental attachment was revealed.
Master said,
“So just put in the effort needed and leave the rest to your teacher. The intent that you have to develop higher energy and make progress will suffice. It will be your teacher that does the real work, and it will be beyond anything you could possibly do.” (The First Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I read Master’s words countless times. Suddenly I saw it, I saw my attachment. I could see my human notion! I thought that everything I obtained depended on my effort and my understanding. With this mindset I was preventing Master from helping me, from transforming me! How could I elevate my xinxing with such a selfish, self-centered notion? After I had this realization, I searched inward. I saw how that notion was preventing me from elevating my xinxing.
I know that Master’s Fa has brought me closer to my true self than anything else. I had cultivation experiences from my childhood to before I started to practice Dafa. I could now see that my experiences became notions. They were not part of the path that Master prepared for me. I could see that these notions were interfering and preventing me from becoming one with Master’s Fa.
I realized that even a portion of the Fa, when I do not carry it out in actions, and it remains only an idea, is used by my selfish mind to validate itself. I feel ashamed in my heart, and at the same time immense joy, because of the opportunity Master in His infinite mercy gives me to continue cultivating in Dafa.
Recognizing the fundamental attachment means that every moment is an opportunity to see it in order to eliminate it. I also realize that at this very moment, the path is narrowing, we cannot get even a little off the Fa path, by allowing attachments to interfere with us.
Please point out what has not been said according to the Fa.
Thank you, Master, for your infinite mercy! Thank you, fellow practitioners, for sharing and listening to the experiences!
(Presented at the 2021 Mexico Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference)
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