(Minghui.org) One night in mid-July, I felt a faint itch on the upper eyelid of my right eye while watching a TV series on my Station B mobile app. The following day, my eyelid was red and swollen. A soybean-like growth also appeared on my inner eyelid. Having continually pursued a TV series over the last three days, I realized that this was a reminder to stop watching. Although I knew this was wrong, the gripping plot enticed me to continue watching the series through to the end.
As my eye problem became increasingly obvious, I started memorizing the Fa, in addition to my regular routine of studying the Fa, practicing the exercises, and sending forth righteous thoughts. Two days later, my eye made a full recovery. As such, I felt this was not a major problem, just the enjoyment of a bit of relaxation in my spare time. As long as I did not overdo it, everything would be fine.
Over the next few days, I stopped chasing drama episodes, took care of my child, participated in group Fa study, and did the three things. Because I was on leave from work, I had more free time on my hands. I would open the Station B app from time to time, to watch funny short videos or see the latest news about popular stars on Baidu.
Unexpectedly, the swelling and redness of my right eye recurred. The swollen area grew bigger and became more itchy and painful. Within two days, it had spread to more than half of my right eye. Over the next several days, instead of improving, my symptoms worsened till I had a red “flesh eye” over the top of my right eye, an ugly and visually hilarious sight.
My son started laughing the moment he saw my eye. “This is so funny Mom. We are both Falun Dafa practitioners and you often criticize me for cultivating poorly, but you should look at yourself!” I was fearful that others would ask about my strange condition. I became worried that my eye problem would leave a negative impression on those to whom I had clarified the truth to. I shut myself in at home and did not step out.
Searching Inwards
I started looking inwards to identify my failings. The superficial trigger was my pursuit of pleasure through watching dramas on my mobile phone. Despite constantly studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and searching inwards, my symptoms remained even after two weeks.
By then I felt helpless and agitated, worried that the unsightly swelling would permanently affect my looks. During group Fa study sessions, I would share the various attachments I had uncovered with concerned fellow practitioners. But as my condition stubbornly refused to improve, I became confused. Perhaps enjoying material comforts, playing with my mobile phone, and watching dramas were only superficial indicators of a larger underlying problem. I decided to seriously re-examine myself.
Since obtaining the Fa in 2011, I had met and recovered from all kinds of stubborn and intractable diseases and overcome a lot of large and small karmic obstacles, normally within a period of two weeks. During my initial two to three years, although I faced many difficulties, I managed to break through tribulations and rise in levels very fast. Later, my tribulations decreased till I reached a very steady state. My body and mind felt happy and at ease, and I saw many auspicious scenes in my dreams. My efforts in validating the Fa and clarifying the truth also produced good results. Fellow practitioners admired my good cultivation foundation and high level of understanding.
Sometimes words of self-praise would pop up in my mind. Recognizing this as a precursor to the creation of demons within my heart, I would immediately reject the thought and reprimand myself, “Am I really that good and close to consummation? Compare yourself with Gods, and you will find yourself far from that state. I possess no great wisdom, and neither do I save sentient beings with confidence. I often dodge and hide while distributing truth-clarification materials and remain hesitant when clarifying the truth face-to-face. My body continues to be plagued by karmic manifestations of motion sickness, itchy feet, and allergy symptoms. When disciplining my child, I can get angry to the point of speechlessness.” My mind and body had not achieved the requisite high degree of purity.
Over the past two years, my attachments became hard to identify and the speed of my cultivation progress decreased. I had no breakthroughs, apart from overcoming the temptation of inaction. Fa study and experience-sharing sessions allowed me to realize only superficial problems, such as lack of diligence in cultivation, failure to cultivate my speech, and lack of righteous thoughts. A fellow practitioner said to me a year ago, “You should examine the little things in your life to find the remaining hidden attachments. For example, you always let your husband do the cooking, and rarely do it yourself.” Although I agreed with his principal approach, I did not agree with the specific example he raised. As a couple, we have shared responsibility for the family. We are both cultivators, holding down jobs. While I took responsibility for the care and education of our child, my husband contributed by cooking for our family.
My son had been taking online classes since the 2020 COVID-19 outbreak. Soon he became addicted to the Internet. I too began to use my mobile phone more often, as I needed to supervise my child’s internet usage and conduct work and school-related matters. Initially, I started to watch some entertainment news and humorous skits before progressing on to following drama shows and the like. I would get caught up in watching these, especially during the weekends, despite knowing this habit should not be encouraged. Sometimes my vision would become blurry, like looking through a curtain of mist. With diligent cultivation and strong righteous thoughts, the condition would vanish. This occurred repeatedly for more than a year before the appearance of this red “flesh eye” condition.
Overcoming the Tribulation
My eye condition did not occur by coincidence. Two weeks prior, my cultivation state had been very bad. I was swamped with so many negative emotions and thoughts, that my righteous thoughts had become overwhelmed. I felt like giving up.
At critical times, cultivators must believe in Master and the Fa! I decided to sit and send forth righteous thoughts for a longer period of time. At the start, all kinds of evil and distracting thoughts kept popping up, as though another version of myself was fighting against my righteous self. I kept reciting, “All the elements within my dimensional field that do not conform to Dafa, evil spirits, rotten ghosts, the mutated and corrupt matter shall be destroyed!” Half an hour later, my thoughts became clear and concentrated, and I continued for another 10 minutes.
I also started reading experience-sharing articles published on the Minghui website daily and chanced across a few articles with experiences like mine. It turned out that I had really encountered my fake self, made up of human factors such as karma, human notions, addictions and attachments. These cultivation experiences provided a lot of guidance in passing my test.
Dafa’s cultivation principles are plain and simple. One must be strict with oneself. Going against the principles willfully, again and again, despite knowing it is wrong, shows a low comprehension of cultivation. Looking deeper, I found a hidden desire for fame and fortune. During our cultivation process, we continue to assimilate to the Fa, save sentient beings and improve in levels. And yet I often worry over many small things, precisely because I still harbored this desire for fame and fortune. I did not cherish the Fa enough, could not endure hardships, and did not possess enough willpower.
I kept looking inward and found more hidden attachments. I also increased my Fa study efforts, after realizing my human notions and other interference caused inattention while reading the Fa. My eyes would scan the words, and my mouth would be reading aloud, yet my thoughts wandered in all directions. Even sitting in meditation, my distracted mind would recall funny scenes from online videos. I did the three things each day like any mindless, routine task. If not for the “flesh eye” growing above my left eye, outsiders would be hard-pressed to find any flaws in my cultivation. I discovered the best way to overcome any problem is to study the Fa with a clear mind, so one can deal with anything encountered according to the Fa and not human notions.
After searching in depth within myself, I experienced a sense of relief. Although my eye condition remained, I felt no sense of urgency or worry. On the evening of the 15th day, I calmly uninstalled the Station B and Baidu apps from my phone. The following morning I found my eye half healed, indicating I was going in the right direction. Over the next few days, I restricted my mobile phone use to normal tasks, and my eye healed after three days.
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Category: Improving Oneself
