(Minghui.org) Greetings, esteemed Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I’d like to first share how I identified jealousy and removed it.
While editing daily experience sharing articles for Minghui, an author quoted Master’s Fa: “Jealous types look down upon others...” (Chapter III, Falun Gong)
I sensed jealousy in me but wasn’t quite sure how it manifested. Every time I sent forth righteous thoughts to remove it, my brain would contract or something would tingle in my brain. I knew my righteous thoughts hit it, but I could not eradicate it.
The quote helped me understand a little bit how jealousy manifested itself in me.
When I was part of the local coordinators’ group, I pretty much followed the others’ ideas, and they sometimes accepted my ideas, so we got along well. However, after I left the group, I heard some rumors about me.
I knew I had various attachments, such as a strong ego, and a show-off mentality. I depended on others, liked to be praised, was intolerant, etc. Therefore, I strove to practice forbearance and not argue, even though it was hard to do.
However, someone in charge said that I did this and that (i.e. bad things) when I was not even involved. I thought Yan (an alias) said it. In my understanding, she was doing a bad thing without knowing it. I often wondered, “How could I not despise her?” I thought I had transcended the maze by seeing through everything without my heart being moved.
During a recent face-to-face meeting with other practitioners, Yan said that someone started a rumor about her. I wanted to “reason” with her - lecture her to be exact - that she was the one who started rumors about others.
When I was reviewing an article for our local conference, the practitioner wrote, “Local practitioner Dong (alias) is known for selling the most Shen Yun tickets. He sells the most tickets no matter which city he goes to.”
I immediately felt uneasy and thought, “How could you say that? Wouldn’t Dong become complacent hearing this? Wouldn’t this affect his ability to sell tickets in the future?” On second thought, I realized, “Oh, it was my jealousy talking - it couldn’t stand it. People without jealousy would edit the texts without any reactions.”
I know Dong. He is very steady and good at selling Shen Yun tickets. I was not jealous of him. The author obviously had no jealousy either. It was the “jealousy” in me that was jealous of Dong, and it even felt justified.
I thought about how to overcome this “jealousy” and eliminate it. I realized I need to treat others with compassion and look at others’ merits.
Master said,
“It is easy to be a good person, but it’s not easy to cultivate character—a cultivator must ready his mind. Sincerity is a prerequisite if you are to rectify your mind. People live in a world where society has become complicated. Though you might want to do good things, there might be some people who don’t want you to; you might not want to harm others, but others might harm you for various reasons. Some of these things happen for unapparent reasons. Will you be able to enlighten to the reasons? Then what should you do? The challenges in this world test your character at every moment.” (Lecture III, Falun Gong)
Our coordinator kept encouraging everyone to write an experience sharing paper, but few did and as a result our conference had to be postponed for a week. Each time the coordinator reminded us to write, I said in my heart, “I don’t have a deadline. Even if practitioners submit their articles the day before the conference, I will review and edit them.”
As it turned out, an article was indeed submitted the day before the conference and it was from Yan. The other reviewer said since the deadline for article submissions had passed and Yan already shared the content of her article at our regular group Fa study, the article would not be selected for the conference. Therefore I was not keen to review and edit it.
However, Yan kept emailing us and letting us know that she would correct any problems we might find in her article. I recalled the promise I made in my heart, which was a promise to Master, so I decided to keep my promise and edit Yan’s article. I spent more than two hours on her article and completed it at 2:00 a.m.
While driving to the conference the next day, a thought suddenly popped into my head, “My life has gone through billions of years of reincarnation and eons of time. Does it matter what happens to me in this lifetime?”
Yan saw me and thanked me. I replied lightheartedly, “You’re welcome.” At that moment, I felt happy, not because Yan thanked me, but because there was nothing in my heart - the feeling of “despise” in my heart was gone. Master removed the corrupt substance while I helped Yan improve her article.
Focusing on Minghui and Prioritizing Dafa
The conflict mentioned above occurred after I gave up all local Dafa work and made a full shift to work for Minghui. I knew the transition was Master’s merciful arrangement.
I had a dream around that time. In my dream, a Minghui coordinator took me to a beautiful beach. I saw baskets hanging from a water-ski rack, and each contained a person who half-squatted inside. They were bound and partially immersed in the water. I knew I must save the people trapped in the baskets. Therefore, besides my everyday job, I devoted myself to Minghui.
I always prioritize Dafa projects over other things. Besides doing the exercises and Fa study, my daily Minghui editorial workload is impossible to finish if I don’t do it during working hours. So, I leave my workstation and go to a quiet conference room about half an hour before lunchtime begins and return half an hour after lunch time ends so that I can concentrate on editing.
The manager does not mind because many coworkers do similar things. It didn’t affect my job either, because I finished my assignment in less time than others and sometimes coworkers came to help with critical tasks.
I did not have the mentality of pursuit at work, yet my manager gave me high performance evaluations every year, and my bonus was always high. Another manager even asked me if I wanted to become a manager. I kindly declined and said it was not for me.
I worked from home during the pandemic over the past two years. I did my editing work while handling my everyday work, and I did both with my heart. At times the editing took up more time. I then spent the evening hours, sometimes past midnight, completing my everyday work.
Our elderly relatives were living with us at the time. When it was noisy at home, I drove to the river bank a mile away, parked under a tree, and finished my editing in the car. I then went back home to complete my everyday work while taking care of the elderly. This was how I completed several tricky edits (rather messy submissions) and much larger workloads during Minghui’s calls for papers.
I deeply felt Master’s strengthening which enabled me to do editing and keep up with Fa study in the midst of various pressures from family, job, and projects. As a result, the elderly relatives and my everyday job both got better arrangements and outcomes.
My husband is a non-practitioner. He books family vacations a couple of times a year. Each vacation is a different cultivation environment for me. I strive to do more Fa study and practice the exercises while maintaining my editorial workload.
Our family went to my husband’s class reunion one year. We inadvertently chose a hotel with a slow Internet connection. It was Christmas time and Minghui was flooded with New Year’s greetings to Master from practitioners around the world.
For several nights in a row, I had trouble uploading my edited work and had to divide it into small batches. I had to wait a long time for each batch to finish uploading. I did not complain because I chose to do Dafa work.
Usually everything was magically arranged so well that I could edit while taking care of my family at the same time.
My family was away for a little bit longer this April, and it was the time when I usually edited the World Falun Dafa Day submissions. I was able to attend the group study on time even though my time zone was five to six hours ahead of North America.
I typically attended the Fa study at 1:00 a.m. and began editing at 2:00 a.m. every night. It seemed that I could do editing work at any given time during that vacation. When I was really tired, I slept for a couple of hours prior; or slept for two or three more hours after I finished a part of it.
While busy working on my editing work in the quiet of the night, it suddenly struck me that Master set me on the path of Fa-rectification period cultivation practice not because the Minghui project needed me, but because my cultivation and my beings needed to validate Dafa and save sentient beings while working in this project. This is where my responsibilities lie.
I came to realize that by focusing on the Minghui project, by being strict with myself in all kinds of editing, and by treating each submission with care, I was being responsible for fellow practitioner authors, for sentient beings, and for my own cultivation, and this is where the maturity and completion of my cultivation lie.
This understanding has guided me to drive out external interference, to fulfill my editorial responsibilities regardless of the conditions, and to work well with other editors. It has also guided me to look inward and let go of all kinds of human attachments in handling submissions.
Improve by Reading the Fa
While screening articles submitted from China on September 1, 2020, an author recalled that, during a mass arrest 17 years ago, he studied the Fa after work until late at night every day to disintegrate the persecution, and experienced the beauty and wonders of Fa study.
When I read the word “wonders” it reminded me of the time when I was doing Shen Yun promotion years ago. I had a lot of commitments and was very busy at the time, but I studied the Fa with a calm mind every morning; it became a natural state for me.
One day, as I read each word of the Fa, my body seemed to have melted into the Fa and I felt surrounded by the Fa. It felt wonderful. A thought occurred to me at the time, “When I’m tired, all I need to do is read the Fa and I will feel wonderful again.”
When I recalled this, I realized that my thoughts at that time were not righteous. After experiencing how wonderful Dafa is, I did not develop a reverence for Dafa and a deeper understanding of studying the Fa as well as the process of assimilating to the Fa and its sanctity.
Although I didn’t pursue comfort, I regarded doing Dafa work as the most important thing. I took “doing things” as the base and studying the Fa as the means. This was not positioning cultivation correctly.
This was actually one of the reasons why my cultivation has been so painful—I was slow in passing tests while my attachments kept growing; sometimes I knew my Fa study was insufficient, but “getting things done” always chased and pushed me, putting the cart before the horse. I must truly understand the meaning of studying the Fa!
Two years have passed, but how much have I changed? I haven’t reached the expected optimal state of studying the Fa. Fortunately, I have not neglected to study the Fa, and Master has been mercifully watching over me and enlightening me.
Sometimes I did Exercise Two for two hours until 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. One day, it went even later than that and I felt I needed to go to bed. I texted the other practitioner and told her that I would not join the online Fa study with her that morning. However, she had set her phone to “airplane mode” and I didn’t get a reply.
I didn’t want to keep her waiting, so I went online anyway. The more I read the Fa, the more awake I was. When I finished reading a lecture, I was awake and felt rested as if I had a good night’s sleep. Things like that occurred a few times for various reasons, and I learned it was okay to skip sleep.
My husband typically does not interfere with my cultivation practice and is quietly supportive even though he does not say it.
Because I spend a lot of time on cultivation, he has to take care of himself and get things done by himself, so he didn’t wholeheartedly agree with my cultivation. At the same time, I still had the attachment of not being able to take others’ criticism. Even though I did not fight with him when he complained, my expression showed that I was upset.
One day, I came home late from group study after dropping off a fellow practitioner. It was past 1:00 p.m. My husband started complaining that I didn’t take care of the family and so on. I didn’t get upset. I knew it was a xinxing test because I had done a good deed that day, and the tribulation followed. I told myself I must endure.
I helped my husband make lunch and then watered the backyard. While eating lunch, I asked him something while looking at him sincerely. He chuckled. At that moment, I clearly felt the power of Dafa. He felt at ease.
He has never complained to me like that since then, and my heart was no longer moved easily no matter what occurred between us. I no longer got upset or argued to prove my point, and everything was smoothed out. That day, Dafa indeed changed me.
I still have a lot of attachments, so I need to study the Fa more to be clear and firm in understanding the Fa’s principles. I also need to further improve my editing skills. I still have a long way to go in my cultivation practice.
This concludes my sharing and understanding. Please point out anything improper.
Thank you, Master, for your merciful salvation! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2022 Minghui Teams Experience Sharing Conference)
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