(Minghui.org) I want to share my recent experiences in letting go of jealousy and ego.
Removing Jealousy
Master said:
“The issue of jealousy is very serious as it directly involves the matter of whether you can complete cultivation practice. If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain the Right Fruit—absolutely not.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
Although Master emphasized the issue of jealousy, and I studied the Fa every day, I never paid much attention to this issue. I felt that I was open-minded and did not compete with others. I thought that I may have an attachment to jealousy, but it was not a serious issue.
One morning, the project manager of the company responsible for our software development contacted me. He wanted to schedule a meeting with me after lunch since I was in charge of testing their software. It was sudden, and I felt uncomfortable directly liaising with someone outside the company because I had no authority to approve any proposals they presented.
I immediately told my team leader, who generally communicates directly with the other party. He couldn’t understand why they wanted to bypass him and contact me directly. He suggested we have an internal meeting first to review the project’s status. This unexpected event disrupted my work in the morning, as I had to prepare for the meeting.
While meeting with my team leader, my husband, also a practitioner, called and said he had been involved in a car accident and was in the hospital. He said he was fine, so I told him that I would not be able to see him until the afternoon because I had a meeting to attend. Then, my husband did not answer my phone when I called again.
I wasn’t worried about my husband’s injuries because I didn’t think worrying would help. I understood that a practitioner’s life was under Master’s arrangement. I understood nothing happened to a practitioner by accident, so I looked inward. I found that I had an attachment to complaining about my husband. When I heard that he had been in a car accident, my first reaction was that he had a loophole in his cultivation.
Whenever my husband communicated with me in the past, I always told him to look inward. I also asked him to examine how he did the three things. Each time we disagreed we ended our conversation unpleasantly. He felt that I was not understanding, but I thought I was wasting my time with him. I realized that I must remove my attachment to complaining about him.
I talked to my colleague about my husband’s incident. My team leader said I should go to the hospital to see my husband immediately and not have the meeting in the afternoon. I said that since the meeting was already scheduled, and it would not take long, I would go after it. Just as I said that, the other company canceled the meeting.
I was about to leave when my boss suddenly announced that the company promoted one of my team members to a higher position. He announced this news in both internal and external email lists. Many people congratulated my colleague.
On the way to the hospital, I was thinking about my colleague’s promotion, and I felt unbalanced. Three people were in the same position in my team, and I worked in the team the longest. Although the other two colleagues joined the company earlier, I worked in our team longer than them. I had a much better understanding of our system.
There was another episode. A year ago, I was promised a promotion, pending final approval. However, my company restructured suddenly and removed my new position. At that time, I thought, “It’s really the same as what Master said.
Master said:
“We therefore believe in following the course of nature. Sometimes, you think that something should be yours, and others also tell you that it is yours. Actually, it is not. You may believe that it is yours, but in the end it is not yours. Through this process, it can be seen whether you can give it up or not. If you cannot let it go, it is an attachment. This method must be used to get rid of your attachment to self-interest. This is the issue.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
I was calm at that time. And now, a year later, the position was available again, but it was not for me anymore. All kinds of thoughts went through my head, and my heart was unbalanced. I knew this time, I was so moved because of jealousy. I was not happy for others when they got a benefit. I realized that the thoughts turning over in my head were all human reasoning. As a practitioner, I had to look at it from a higher level, which was my chance to improve.
My husband did very well in the tribulation. He treated himself as a practitioner and decided not to have surgery. As a result, we witnessed the magic of Dafa again. He recovered and went home soon. The doctor and nurses could not believe that someone who had a fracture was discharged from the hospital after two days.
Later, my boss told me that he planned to promote me when the project in my hands was over. In fact, the project I was working on at that time was in a bottleneck, and it was still unknown whether it would be successful. Maybe the position he promised was still not mine. I knew I must get rid of the attachment to jealousy.
Eliminating Ego and Selfishness
I also realized that I had an attachment to validating myself.
One morning I had a vivid dream. In the dream, a new neighbor was moving in. They found some rooms dirty, so they wanted to pay the moving company to clean it for them. I happened to pass by. I said, “You should hire a professional cleaning company to do this.” And I started to search for cleaning companies for them. The new neighbor froze and didn’t know what to do. Then I woke up feeling embarrassed. I asked myself why I imposed my ideas on others. Wasn’t it to show off? I wanted to prove that I knew certain things and wanted others to do what I said.
One day, a practitioner called to complain about a conflict with another practitioner. She said she felt hurt. She tried hard to let it go, but she just couldn’t. Immediately, I kept telling her that she should look inward and take this as an opportunity to improve. I kept talking, and the practitioner didn’t know what to say in the end.
I also realized that much of my behavior resulted from my attachment to validating myself. For example, I cut off other people when they spoke. I wanted to express myself, and wanted to say what was on my mind immediately.
Once, a practitioner talked to me on the phone about going to Washington, D.C., to attend an event. Before she could finish, I started to explain the background of the event to her, and the practitioner listened to me very patiently. Later, I realized that the practitioner knew the background of the event very well. However, she still listened to me patiently. I realized that I had such a strong ego. Later I thanked her for helping me discover my attachment.
Master said:
“In other words, a person’s earliest life comes from the universe. The space of the universe is benevolent to begin with and embodies the characteristic of Zhen-Shan-Ren. At birth, one is assimilated to the characteristic of the universe. Yet as the number of lives increases, a collective form of social relations develops in which some people may develop selfishness and gradually their level will drop.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that validating our ways of doing things, our own understanding, the projects we participated in, and so on were all rooted in “selfishness” and should be removed. Otherwise, we couldn’t improve in cultivation and return to our true selves if we held onto those notions.
Epilogue
I feel very fortunate to be able to work for Minghui. I cherish the articles I edited every day, whether they were experience-sharing articles, exposing the persecution, or holiday greetings. I also appreciate all the feedback, as I find it very valuable.
I know that I can only do a good job as an editor for Minghui if I continue to do better and improve in my cultivation.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2022 Minghui Teams Experience Sharing Conference)
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