(Minghui.org) In 1997 I came upon a book called Falun Gong. After reading this book I was very excited. I felt that I had waited a very long time to find this Fa!
When very young, I was frequently hospitalized for unexplained fever. I felt living on Earth was meaningless. However, after beginning cultivation practice in Falun Dafa, as I cultivated together with my parents, I knew at that time, that I needed to place strict demands on myself. I became very healthy and my thoughts became positive too. I felt that my thinking and life brightened.
After the start of the persecution in 1999, due to my lack of in-depth understanding of the Fa principles and my heavy study workload, I became attached to vying and winning over others to get into a good secondary school. Therefore, I spent large amounts of time and energy on my studies. My mother exchanged her thoughts with me many times regarding studying the Fa well; which would also help me to open up my wisdom for studies. However, I just did not get it. I felt that she did not understand my difficulties and my need to do well at school. In this way, I gradually sank deeper and deeper into a mundane life.
During this period of time, my mother was illegally subjected to a forced labor camp for two years. After she was detained, I tried my best to cultivate and clarify the truth, hoping to help her. However, at that time, I was only reading Zhuan Falun and very seldom read the new lectures. As such, I did not have a good understanding of the Fa principles and neither was I able to keep up with the progress of the Fa-rectification. I thought that as long as I clarified the truth well, she would soon be released from the labor camp. So, when she was not quickly released I gradually became depressed.
After my mother returned home I cultivated half-heartedly, as I was desiring to live a normal quiet life among everyday people. During a health check at my job, the doctor said that I was suffering from tuberculous pneumonia. At that time, when I exchanged thoughts with my parents about whether I should go to the hospital for treatment, I was on the verge of giving up on my cultivation. All I could think about was my job, my life, and my future marriage. But I forgot the true purpose of my coming to this human world.
Under admonishment from my parents, I did not go to the hospital and instead resumed cultivation practice. Later, changes occurred that made it possible for my whole family to go to the United States. I looked forward to a change in my environment, as I wanted to continue in my cultivation practice.
Living in the United States, made it possible for me to practice the exercises outdoors. I could also finally join group Fa studies and participate in the projects to promote Shen Yun. I was very diligent in my cultivation and able to be strict with myself in living by the Falun Dafa principles. At that time, I had almost no rest throughout the whole weekend for nearly a year. My busy daily schedule included practicing the exercises, studying the Fa, learning the English language, and doing schoolwork. However, soon I added voluntary work and a full-time job to my schedule. Once again I found myself being influenced by the society I had become immersed in.
In 10 years time, I went from a diligent cultivator to becoming a not-so-diligent cultivator once again. Although I still studied the Fa, practiced the exercises, and clarified the truth, I often could not complete the five sets of Falun Dafa exercises. While studying the Fa, I found myself basically just listening to the words. My truth clarification activities were also gradually decreasing. After obtaining a good job I felt that my everyday life struggles would come to a halt. However, I did not understand that I should be setting strict demands for myself, arranging my time properly, and cultivating in a diligent manner.
One day, my body suddenly gave out and my manager called ‘911’. At that moment, I realized that my cultivation state had deteriorated and I asked Master Li Hongzhi, my Teacher, for help. The ambulance attendant carried out a simple check on me and found no problems.
However, my manager was very worried (I had already clarified the truth to her before) and she insisted that I go to the hospital. She said that I had just obtained this job and she did not wish to lose me. However, I just felt very wronged. I felt that I had been studying the Fa, practicing the exercises, and clarifying the truth whenever I had the chance. Every weekend, I went out to clarify the truth. In that case, why is my body displaying problems now?
When all sorts of uncomfortable symptoms kept reappearing I realized the seriousness of my problem. I thought that no matter what, I must cultivate well and assist Master in rectifying the Fa. I begged Master to enlighten me and also asked fellow practitioners in my family to help me to look at my problem and send forth righteous thoughts. I also started to read through all of Master’s lectures. I studied the Fa with a serious attitude and completed the five sets of exercises and sending of righteous thoughts every day no matter how uncomfortable I felt. I did not allow the old forces to disturb me in my truth clarification. At times, when I felt really uncomfortable, I felt so small and lonely. Despite cultivating for so many years, I did not know how to cultivate. I felt very ashamed when I realized that I could have done better if I had only set stricter standards for myself.
After resuming Fa study more diligently, I learned that I needed to look within much deeper, that I was being disturbed because I was not diligent in my cultivation and that practicing cultivation is actually more important than anything else. However, I must be clear about giving up my attachments without any doubts holding me back.
With the help of fellow practitioners in my family, I survived the first few weeks when I was in my worst state. Fellow practitioners told me that one day, while they were helping me send forth righteous thoughts, they all felt cold. While exchanging cultivation thoughts with them, they also helped me to learn that I should not be scared of discomfort or dying. They encouraged me to send forth righteous thoughts, totally reject the arrangements of the old forces and follow Master in a steadfast manner. I needed to cultivate myself based on the Fa and take things in stride. I should not think of other things when feeling uncomfortable, providing the old forces with an excuse to continue causing disturbances for me.
While meditating one day I suddenly understood the reason my stomach felt so uncomfortable. I was attached to the appearance of my physical body and figure and thought I was allergic to most foods. I did not want others to see that I did not have a very trim waistline. I did not know how this understanding came into my mind but I understood that this was my loophole. Since then, I got rid of my attachment to my figure and no longer felt uncomfortable when I ate.
One day I developed a productive cough. However, I understood that the cause was my attachment to the notion that only through exercising can I obtain immunity to any pathogens resulting in respiratory illness. However, despite this understanding, when I clarified the truth, the old forces still disturbed me, making my stomach feel uncomfortable and my voice hoarse. Master would not arrange for me to be like this while clarifying the truth. Therefore, I sent forth righteous thoughts to reject the arrangements of the old forces and get rid of their meddling. They had even arranged for a group of people smoking cigarettes to appear at the location where I was clarifying the truth. This was certainly an attempt to make me cough when I tried to talk to people. One man smoked four to five cigarettes himself and then distributed the cigarettes to others in the group. I asked a fellow practitioner to help send forth righteous thoughts to clear the interference away. Soon, the group of smokers dispersed.
Initially, I did not quite understand why I was being eyed by the old forces. But through studying the Fa continuously, I understood that I really cannot be afraid because Master is protecting me. Now, I am no longer attached to physical symptoms. I understand that whenever I meet with any problems, I should look within instead of talking about whether it is a good or bad thing. In the past when younger, everything went so smoothly for me that I became attached to comfort and no longer met the standards for a cultivator. I must believe in Master and the Fa. Be it comfortable or not, I persist in my belief that Master’s limitless wisdom will make all arrangements have a good ending. I myself should not have the thought of wanting to get better soon. I should listen to what Master said for everything and cultivate myself well. I should also treat sending forth righteous thoughts seriously and I can send forth righteous thoughts whenever needed.
As I studied the Fa continuously, I also saw that there were many areas in which I had not done well. For example, I complained about and disliked a relative who is a practitioner because he did not guard his speech sometimes. Once he said that I made a mistake in some files and obtained his bank password. I felt this was wrong even for sentient beings, much less a cultivator. I had exchanged cultivation thoughts with him before but to no avail. Therefore, I avoided talking to him. However, I saw that my parents were able to forget the past and not dislike him.
I thought that first of all, I may have treated my relative the same way in the past, or maybe even worse, just that I did not remember it. Since the person that I am cultivating is myself, no matter what circumstances, be it whether I am in the right or wrong, I should cultivate myself. Everybody is Master’s disciple. When I did not do well, I asked Master to help me. Other practitioners will also have areas they do not cultivate well during different stages of their cultivation. Therefore, I really cannot complain or hate others.
As I studied the Fa continuously, I felt less sleepy and I could wake up early. I thought about others first and I also understood that most of the people in this world came for the Fa. Once the truth is revealed, what will be the outcome of those people who have an affinity with me but were not saved? They may be my teachers, classmates or colleagues who may have helped me during this lifetime, but I did not take a few minutes to clarify the truth about Dafa to them. I felt very uncomfortable in my heart such that I really did not wish to miss clarifying the truth to anyone that I had an affinity with.
I sent emails to my past classmates, then sent forth righteous thoughts. I hoped that they would read the email and make the right choice. However, few replied to my email. Perhaps what has been missed is past, and therefore, from now on, I should not neglect anyone. In the past, I did not understand and made mistakes. Therefore I must change myself. If I already understand a mistake, but do not change myself, that is doing the wrong thing. As I study the Fa continuously, I am able to find many areas not previously clearly understood. I am thus progressing in my cultivation process. I thus have this feeling of relief.
As I continue to study the Fa diligently, I am deeply moved by Master’s great benevolence, such that no words can describe what I feel in my heart and mind. At the same time, I am also now quite clear about the progress of the Fa-rectification. I am no longer attached to the right and wrong of a matter. I feel that my views of the world have all expanded greatly. Lastly, I now know that studying the Fa more is the best way of maintaining diligent cultivation. Only in this way can I do well on my path of cultivation in a righteous manner.
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
Category: Improving Oneself
