(Minghui.org) I had several dreams about a dermatologist at our hospital and wondered why she appeared? Nothing is accidental for cultivators. I thought it must be that Master Li was trying to enlighten me about something in my cultivation.
The fact that a dermatologist appeared caught my attention. The skin is the surface of the human body. This was Master’s painstaking and merciful hint that cultivation should not stay only on the surface. Without the removal of what is deep down--bad human attachments--how could it be called cultivation? I analyzed my cultivation state and realized I had a fundamental problem: I was cultivating only on the surface, and not cultivating my heart. Practitioners need to look inside for their own shortcomings. I would like to share two examples of my process of looking inward to cultivate my heart.
Removing Deeply Hidden Resentment
Resentment is often difficult to detect and not easy to let go of. It arises from our thinking that others have done something wrong; so our blame, criticism, and resentment are self-righteously justified.
From a human point of view, when a person does something wrong, they should be criticized and blamed. When people around you repeatedly do wrong things, yet they do not accept criticism and correct it, hatred arises and resentment develops over time. That was how I was dealing with my husband and family. I was dissatisfied with their actions, and they did not change no matter how many times I complained. I was very angry and always felt that what I did was right. But this mindset only served to cover up my resentment. My heart and my family were invisibly opposed.
If we don’t dig deeper, we will often fail to recognize our resentment and tend to cultivate on the surface, thinking: “I don’t see things the same way as he does, I have to be congenial, I have to be tolerant,” - the reasoning of ordinary people. On the surface, it looked like I was tolerating them. I became more congenial, but this is how ordinary people act, not what cultivation requires – the removal of attachments.
When something unpleasant happens, the resentment will pop up again. Over time, these grudges will become strengthened and more deeply hidden, leading to a fighting mentality. I recall what Master said:
“...“He’s right And I’m wrong,”What’s to dispute?”(“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong,” HongYin III)
I then stopped complaining. However, my husband and family were still in this state. I felt very frustrated about being unable to break out of it.
Only after digging deeply can we understand that cultivators cannot truly cultivate and improve if they use human principles to view right and wrong. Recognizing this tendency, I knew I had to improve based on the Fa and set new standards for myself--the standards of a cultivator. I should change my notions and look within myself, rather than judge who is right or wrong on the surface. When I stopped making judgements and looked inward no matter whether I was right or wrong, I always found something I could work on. I then no longer complained and blamed. As a consequence, I was able to let go of any resentment.
Removing My Attachment to Not Taking Criticism
Most people do not like to have their errors pointed out or exposed, and they do not like to hear unpleasant words. A cultivator shouldn’t be like this, yet I felt that I sometimes behaved this way. I studied the Fa diligently, but when I encountered problems or conflicts, I didn’t look inward to find what I didn’t do well.
I normally was not convinced that I did something wrong. The tone of my voice may change, and I would try to argue or explain this and that. But in those moments, I completely forgot that I am a practitioner. In fact, these problems were tests to help me improve. However, my behavior was not in line with the Fa. I studied the Fa and did the exercises every day, but I didn’t actually cultivate. Therefore, my xinxing had not improved much. It was stuck at the level of ordinary people and could not rise higher. As a result, there were not many changes in me, physically or mentally.
My unwillingness to take criticism manifested itself, for example, when I did housework. My husband always thought I was too slow and didn’t arrange my time wisely. I always argued back, “Then you do it, don’t talk the talk, walk the walk!” In fact, if I could have truly looked inward every time he was critical, and if I had tried to overcome my shortcomings to correct myself, I could indeed have improved. Moreover, I would have had more time to study the Fa and do the three things required of practitioners.
As long as we follow the Fa to look inward every single moment, we can find something to improve. Master said:
“But that said, this is something that attests on a fundamental level to whether someone is in essence a cultivator; so that which leads you to not take criticism, that thing has to be removed. Even if you have done well in all other areas and are lousy only in this one regard, you are still not a cultivator.” (Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles)
I thank Master for enlightening me with His painstaking and compassionate teachings.
In the future, I will walk my cultivation path by checking myself according to the teachings, get rid of vanity, look inward while facing criticism, and improve my xinxing.
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Category: Improving Oneself
