(Minghui.org) Because I grew up hearing only praise from the time I was very young, I never liked to be criticized. I became self-centered, highly competitive, had a show-off mentality, and was rather jealous.
I began to cultivate Falun Dafa in 1998. It was through cultivation that I came to realize that I had a strong competitive mentality and was really jealous. I tried hard to discard them. However, I was not able to get to the root of my attachments. They were covered up and nourished by my mentalities of saving face and pursuing fame.
A few years ago, a fellow practitioner told me, “You are not very happy when we say something good about other practitioners in front of you.” Inside, I did not agree, “Am I that narrow-minded? I just don’t want to fall behind.” At that time, I did not read the Fa and cultivate my xinxing diligently, and I did not accept the practitioner’s comment. Since I kept covering up my jealousy, it kept growing. It eventually reached a point that if someone touched my mind in this aspect, I would get really upset.
I was just as Master mentioned: “...if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people’s minds will feel uneasy.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
I tried very hard to discard my jealousy. However, since I was not able to get to the root of it, I did not accomplish much. I also had a low opinion of other practitioners, which also developed from jealousy.
A few days ago, a fellow practitioner came to visit me. While we were chatting, she said that I was self-centered. I understood that she was referring to my mentality of not wanting to hear criticism. I held the thought that I must maintain my xinxing, so I remained silent; I did not argue or justify it.
She then started recounting how I did things wrong in the past. What she talked about was something that happened when we worked together to rescue arrested fellow practitioners. During the effort, we had conflicting opinions, and we had disagreements in our sharing afterward. These issues were all behind us for a while. However, she brought them up again and accused me based on her biased understanding of what happened.
I felt very upset inside and thought she was unreasonable. At that moment a thought suddenly came to me, “This is for you to improve.” I realized that Master was reminding me to strengthen my righteous thoughts. I didn’t look at her but looked at my computer screen. I thought to myself, “Calm down, calm down; I must maintain my xinxing!” And I did not explain anything. After a short pause, I told her, “Thank you, I maintained my xinxing and did not argue with you today.” However, she said, “You did not truly accept my words. Your facial expression told me that.”
I then recited to her a paragraph of Master’s teaching:
“Upon looking back, he sees the two wicked-looking faces in a heated conversation. He can no longer take it and becomes very upset. He may even pick a fight with them right away. When a conflict occurs among one another, it is very difficult to control one’s mind.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I told her, “I didn’t dare to look at you, but I did feel relieved in my mind.” We then ended the conversation peacefully.
From everything she said, I did find many of my attachments, including the pursuit of fame and personal interest, showing off, fear, being self-centered, selfishness, lust, resentment, jealousy, and so on. I also found that I lacked compassion and did not cultivate my speech. But, I thought that I did maintain my xinxing and did not argue with her, but I found some attachments. So I thought I did okay on this test. However, I did not realize that she was helping me find the root cause of my jealousy.
During the following days, what the practitioner said kept popping up in my mind; it even interfered with my Fa study and doing the exercises. However, I still could not figure out the root cause of my attachments. Master gave me a hint through something my daughter said.
I talked to my daughter (also a practitioner) about what the practitioner said. My daughter said, “Mother, don’t worry about what she said. She was helping you improve – it was a good thing. Don’t say anything about her and don’t throw things into her field. Look inside for the reason and cultivate yourself.” My daughter continued, “In fact, Master arranges everything for us to cultivate and improve, and rewards us when we do well and pass the test!” Her words touched my heart; I immediately felt Master’s great compassion.
My daughter continued, “Mother, do you know what your fundamental attachment is? Your fundamental attachment is getting ahead of others. You could not achieve getting ahead yourself, so now you want your children to get ahead of others.”
I suddenly realized what my fundamental attachment is -- I could not tolerate others being better than I. I said to Master in my mind immediately, “Master, I don’t want this mentality. I don’t want to be jealous. Please help me discard it!” After I had that thought, I experienced a sudden change. I felt a heavy mass removed from my heart; my heart became tranquil and light; the feeling was beyond what could be described in mere words.
Master arranged for that practitioner to help me discard my stubborn attachment. Thank you, Master. Thank you, fellow practitioner.
Dafa Changed My Husband
My husband was originally a kind and diligent person. However, he developed bad habits when associating with ordinary society. He smoked, drank, and played mahjong. He was a professional mahjong player. After playing during the day, he also played mahjong after dinner until midnight. He did not do any housework and treated our home as his hotel and restaurant. He drank at the three meals every day and sometimes he even took a few sips when eating fruit. He drank more than 16 ounces of liquor every day. He said that the amount of liquor he drank could be viewed as tank-truck loads. Later, he always drank until drunk; afterward, our family lost its peacefulness. He also became really picky about meals.
I was very busy running a small business. I often accused him of not doing any housework, yet being picky about the meals. We quarreled a lot, and he often hit and scolded me. Our children often worried about their father beating me again. His physical condition quickly deteriorated. He looked like he was in his 70s, although he was in his 50s. He often fell and could not get up without help. He became depressed from his messed-up daily schedule, and he blamed me for it. He also developed gout from his drinking and blamed me for that as well. He often yelled loudly at home, and would not calm down until he was tired. There was no peace in our home.
Master taught us to be good people and considerate of others. I asked my husband to sincerely recite, “Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!” And I asked him to wear an amulet. I also had him listen to Master’s teachings.
Once, his depression relapsed and he could not sleep for several days. I got up to send forth righteous thoughts at midnight, and I saw him wide awake. He told me he couldn’t sleep. I said, “I will ask Master to help you, Okay?” He agreed. A miracle occurred, he started snoring within five minutes of my sending righteous thoughts, and he slept until 6:00 a.m. When he got up, he said, “I’m okay! my head is clear!” I said, “You should thank Master. Master cured you. Quickly bow to Master.” He knelt down and bowed to Master’s picture!Since then, he listened to Master’s teachings, and he watches NTDTV every day. His depression and gout disappeared without any medical treatment.
It truly was miraculous that my husband quit smoking and drinking instantly after he decided to quit them. His willpower was previously very poor; it would have been simply impossible for him to quit such strong addictions. Now he has no desire to smoke and drink, even if cigarettes and liquor were right in front of him. He also stopped playing mahjong. After he quit these bad habits, his health condition improved. Now, he doesn’t feel tired at all when going up and down the stairs, and his mood has gotten better. He stopped being picky about his food and started helping me to do house chores. He even cooked for me when I was doing the morning exercises, which never happened before. Dafa changed him into a normal person. Thank you, Master! Thank you, Dafa!
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Category: Improving Oneself
