(Minghui.org) I began practicing cultivation after I graduated from junior high school in 2013. Before that I was very unhappy. I disliked how the teachers did not teach their students well, yet accepted red packets containing monetary gifts from the parents. I disliked how the students segregated into gangs and only talked about whose family had more money. In such a big dye vat, I thought that I could stay innocent and separate from those influences, but my jealousy and competitive mentality were as strong as that of my classmates. The only difference was that I was not willing to admit I had them. I frequently lost sleep due to stress from studying in the third year of junior high school and my resentment about the matters around me.
In the end, my mid-year exam results were not up to my standards, and when I saw the results I felt that the entire sky was about to collapse. During that holiday period, however, my life totally changed—I obtained Falun Dafa. I did not initially know why I wanted to cultivate, and neither did I have the kind of excitement my mother had when she obtained the Fa a few months prior. I read a few pages of Zhuan Falun every day and felt that Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance seemed to be very good qualities to embrace. Somewhere deep in my heart, I vaguely felt that Falun Dafa was a source of sustenance for me, but I was not a true Dafa practitioner at that time. Even so, benevolent Master Li had already started looking after me.
The pressure from studying in high school increased, but I no longer lost sleep. Even on the night before writing the American College Entrance Exam in Hong Kong, the sound of running water in the hotel room next door went on all night, but I still slept soundly.
I started to truly cultivate when I was in my second year of high school. At that time, I was determined to become Master’s true disciple.
When I read the cultivation experience articles on the Minghui.org website, many mentioned “sending righteous thoughts at the stipulated times.” But I did not know when that was. I sent righteous thoughts at 9 a.m., noon, 3 p.m., and 6 p.m., but not until later did I see the notice about the global times for sending righteous thoughts on Minghui.org. At that time, my legs hurt a lot during the sitting meditation. Whenever I reached the 40-minute mark, I could no longer tolerate the discomfort. However, I gritted my teeth and persisted whenever I recalled that Master said, “Nothing is truly unbearable or impossible.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Sometimes, when I felt that I really could not continue the meditation, I just kept telling myself to persist for another five minutes, just another five minutes. In this way, I was slowly able to meditate for one hour. At that time, every time I finished meditation, I would lie on the bed for a while before I could get up and do other things. But I felt very happy about my accomplishment.
When I learned that the practitioners in China started their daily group practice at 3:50 a.m., I was determined to join them. I remembered that when I practiced the first exercise—“Buddha Stretching a Thousand Arms,” I felt as though I was in another dimension, and all the Dafa practitioners in China were standing together to do the exercises. At that instant, the feeling was truly sacred and extraordinary. Although I was separated from my mother and didn’t know any other Dafa practitioners, during the morning exercises, I felt that no matter how far apart all the practitioners in China were, we were together.
I was getting on a train the first time I persuaded a classmate to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its youth organizations. I originally wanted to tell her the facts about Falun Dafa, but did not expect that halfway through, she would tell me that she already knew the information, as her father used to be a police officer. When they went on tour outside China and saw the Falun Dafa kiosks, her father told her what Falun Dafa was all about.
I was surprised, and felt that I should help her quit the CCP organizations. However, I had no idea how to persuade someone to quit the CCP. I only remembered one sentence from the Global Service Center for Quitting the CCP website, that one needs to erase the red devil’s mark. So I told her, “Just understanding the facts is not enough. You need to erase the devil’s mark. Let me help you quit the CCP organizations using an alias.” I was initially worried that she wouldn’t accept my offer, but unexpectedly, she agreed to quit without another word.
After getting on the train, I continued to tell her how the CCP persecuted Dafa practitioners. There were quite a few people on the train, and some looked at me as if they were confused and wanted to know what we were talking about. But I had no fear. I spoke loudly, hoping that more people would hear what I was saying.
I was usually too lazy to climb the long staircase at the train station exit, but I still remember how I bounded up the stairs that day with my heart full of gratitude to Master for letting me successfully persuade my classmate to quit the Party. Thinking back, that staircase was like encouragement from Master. When there is Master and Fa, no matter how high or how steep the staircase may be, I can climb it.
I initially felt what it was like to be a cultivator when I was in high school, because I understood why people come to be on this earth. I no longer had the lost and self-pitying feeling I had in junior high school. In the past, I always felt that I was a “good person.” I finally knew what it meant to truly be a good person. I remember that I had a dream one night where I flew up and saw Master. I was so excited and turned back, wanting to call my mother to come quickly. Just then, Master gave me a smile. It was as though Master was telling me that I was a cultivator now. I must continue to be diligent and cultivate well.
Under Master’s benevolent arrangements, I came to the United States to attend a university. After coming to this society that allows me to cultivate, I had the joy of attending a Fa conference and got to see and listen to Master giving a lecture for the first time. There were also times when I slacked off in cultivation due to the rich and vibrant university life.
In the blink of an eye, I had graduated from the university and started to study for my Masters degree.
Important matters kept happening after Hong Kong’s anti-extradition bill demonstration in June 2019, the CCP virus pandemic in 2020, fraud in the U.S. election, etc. All these matters made me feel that at this critical juncture, the media’s effect in clarifying the truth was great. As a younger Dafa practitioner, I wondered if I should give up my profession and contribute to the media. This thought came into my mind numerous times. Each time I felt that there were two versions of me. One said, “Look at what time it is already and you are still holding on to that little academic degree of yours. Are you really not able to let go of your attachment to reputation and personal gain?” The other one then said, “But I’m a layman, I’m not good at the media, nor am I interested in it. I’m quite fond of my own profession. There should be Dafa practitioners in all professions, right?” The first voice replied, “Don’t make excuses. You are just not able to let go of your attachment to reputation and personal gain.” This kind of struggle happened many times, making me feel physically and mentally tired. I sometimes thought, “Will the people around me feel that I consider my reputation and personal gains more important than Falun Dafa? Am I really such a person?”
The stress from life and my studies sometimes made me feel suffocated. I would recall the cultivation sharing articles on Minghui.org that I read when I was in high school. In one article, a practitioner said that he felt very happy when he woke up every morning. He felt that it was another day in which he could abide by the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance to be a good person. Comparing myself with him, I couldn’t wait to close my eyes at night and open them every morning. The day had yet to start but I already hoped it would end quickly. Life was like a gear that moved forward every day and I just followed suit, benumbed. Sometimes, I couldn’t help but ask myself, Why am I so unhappy? Shouldn’t being a Dafa practitioner be a blissful thing?
I recently started losing sleep again. I hadn’t suffered from insomnia since graduating from junior high school. As I lay on the bed, my mind was in turmoil, worrying about my future and if my career plan was correct. At the same time, I did not know how I should get along with fellow practitioners. Sometimes, I did not feel like sharing my cultivation experiences, sometimes I did not dare to share. All sorts of thoughts weaved together like a web making me unable to sleep. This made me very anxious, as I did not want to revert back to my junior high days. One night, I could not fall asleep again so I got up to do the exercises. I suddenly understood that I would not go back to the state I was in junior high school because I had obtained the Fa. Practicing the exercises is a better form of rest than sleep. Maybe the insomnia was Master telling me to practice the exercises more. In the end, as I expected, although I only slept two or three hours that night, after completing all five exercises, my spirits were much better than if I had slept until late in the morning.
I had a conflict with an acquaintance, but I knew how to tolerate it and apologize in a sincere manner. We were still good friends after that. However, when I was interacting with fellow practitioners, I often did not feel that I was in the wrong. I felt that my understanding was correct. I therefore found it very hard to get along with other practitioners.
Actually, all practitioners have points that are worth learning. Some practitioners persist in practicing the exercises in the morning, while some work whole-heartedly on Dafa projects. These are things that I did not do well in.
Cultivation is about improving oneself. I wonder why, instead of complaining about it being difficult to get along with other practitioners, I do not concentrate on myself? Maybe I really have the problems that practitioners have mentioned. Isn’t that the attachment of not wanting to be criticized by others and not daring to hear others identify an attachment that I should eliminate? Thinking about it now, my heart has eased a lot, and I no longer feel so entangled by these thoughts.
When I was studying in junior high school, I always felt that there was nothing much to look forward to in life. I was an average student, with an average appearance. I felt I was just an insignificant particle in this vast world. Eight years flew past and I have already grown from that ignorant high school student into a young adult. I am really grateful that I found Dafa and embarked on a righteous path in my youth, when there could have been many pitfalls. Although I sometimes fell on my cultivation path, because of Master Li and Dafa, I recovered from the most desperate situations time and again.
Tears welled in my eyes many times as I wrote this cultivation sharing article. Master is truly benevolent. No matter how bad I fared, he always looked after me and helped me improve myself through tribulations. However, in the busy human world out there, I am always alternating between cultivating diligently and slacking off in cultivation. I hope that from now on, I will cultivate myself well and save sentient beings. I will maintain the attitude that Master mentioned, “Cultivate as you did at the beginning, and you are sure to succeed.” (Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference)
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Category: Improving Oneself
