(Minghui.org) After we had finished studying the Fa this morning, a practitioner from our Fa-study group said she wouldn’t come to study the Fa tonight, as she was going to write an experience sharing article. She also said that she felt as if she was handing in an exam paper. Upon hearing that, I thought: Wasn’t Master using her to enlighten me? I had to do that as well. I wanted to show my gratitude for Master’s compassion and support.
Transforming Myself After Obtaining the Fa
Prior to obtaining the Fa, I had a strong personality. I always tried to gain the upper hand, and nobody could bully me. I also suffered from many illnesses, such as meningitis, tuberculosis, an ovarian cyst, uterine tumors, and so on.
I also suffered from terrible migraines, and no painkiller was effective. In the end, I had to use opium to relieve the pain. I went to the Beijing Tumor Hospital in 1997. The doctor said to my family: “Let her have whatever she wants after going home, as there is no cure.” I thought since I was in my 30s and still young, even though I wasn’t afraid of death, I didn’t want to die.
My husband’s friend came to tell me on May 12, 1998 that his wife developed a frozen shoulder, and had trouble lifting her arm. However, after she started practicing Falun Gong for three days, her arm went back to normal. So he asked me to give it a try.
The next morning I went to the practice site. The assistant taught me the exercise movements. She also lent me a copy of Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafa, and asked me to finish reading it as quickly as possible.
As the number of Dafa books were very limited, the assistant brought a VCR and Master’s Fa-lecture video recordings to my home, and again asked me to watch it as soon as I could. I wondered why she asked me that, was it because I was very ill and going to die soon? Then I had my husband turn on the TV. While watching it, I felt so wonderful. But after a while, I came down with a headache. So, I took a nap, and resumed watching it as soon as I woke up.
It took me a day and half to finish watching all the videos. On that day, I forgot about taking my medication. Since then, I have never taken any medication, nor any injections. After I finished watching Master’s lecture video, I knew that this was what I was looking for.
On the same night, I went to the practice site to do the exercises. Someone didn’t want me to join them, saying that I was critically ill. I didn’t listen to him. On the next day, after I finished the exercises, I had a terrible migraine, and decided to sleep. Miraculously, after I woke up, my headache was gone, along with all my other illnesses. I felt as if I was reborn.
I was so happy that I recited the Fa at all times. I recited it when I was walking, cooking, or before going to bed. I thought that the more I read, the more I would understand and obtain.
Having Been Persecuted Multiple Times
However, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began to persecute Falun Dafa in July 1999. At that time, I had only cultivated in Dafa for over one year, but our harmonious family life was ruined. In June 2000, I went to Beijing to validate Dafa. When I was doing the exercises in Tiananmen Square, I was arrested by police officers, and taken to a local detention center.
The management team of my husband’s company forced him to divorce me. They threatened to dismiss him from his job. On the 6th day I was illegally held, my husband, his manager and the court personnel came to the detention center and forced me to sign the divorce agreement. He claimed that he would remarry me after I was released. I signed the letter without hesitating. Only after I got out, did I find out that he had married someone else during my detention. So, I was homeless. Later I was persecuted again, and forced to leave my home and wander around.
Back then, even though I obtained the Fa, I only understood Dafa emotionally as opposed to rationally, without knowing what true cultivation was, or how to cultivate.
I treated doing things as cultivation, and was very busy every day. Thus, I was taken advantage of by the old forces and arrested nine times.
After I was released, I didn’t know how to look inward, but rather believed that I did well. On May 15, 2003, I was arrested for the 10th time, and sentenced to serve 14 years in the provincial women’s prison.
While being arrested and jailed, I was shocked with electric batons, handcuffed to an iron chair, pricked with bamboo sticks, handcuffed behind my back, forced to sit on a three-leg small stool, deprived of sleep for a dozen days and nights, and other cruel torture. However, I have never resented the people who tortured me, and have only felt that they were pitiful.
I was finally released from prison on May 15, 2017. My xinxing didn’t elevate during my cultivation, but dropped. Consequently, I developed tumors in my belly and my legs became swollen. I could barely take care of myself. So, I decided to stay with my brother. I wanted him to take care of me. After learning my situation, fellow practitioners gave me Zhuan Falun and Master’s new lectures, so I could study the Fa and do the exercises. Then, I gradually recovered. With practitioners help, I found a caregiver job, and have been doing that ever since.
Fellow Practitioners Helping Me Get Over an Illness Karma Tribulation
I have taken care of three senior practitioners who experienced illness karma tribulations. Because of my strong personality, I failed some xinxing tests with them, and missed the opportunities that Master had arranged for me to improve my xinxing.
Soon after I started working for the third senior practitioner, she passed away. Her family members asked me to take care of her husband who was 83 years old, diabetic, and couldn’t take care of himself. As I didn’t have a job, and they couldn’t find a proper nanny for him either, I decided to look after him.
Last April, I suddenly had belly pain, and had difficulty walking. Fear of death also bothered me. The negative factors interfered with me, suppressing my righteous thoughts. I always thought I was under the weather, as opposed to using my righteous thoughts to negate the persecution of my body. It became more and more serious. In the end, I couldn’t work. At that point, a fellow practitioner came to see me. When I shared with her about my tribulation, she invited me to stay with her. I asked my employer for the time off before I went to this practitioner’s home.
When she asked me to recite Master’s Fa, I began to recite,
“I’m Li Hongzhi’s disciple, I don’t want other arrangements or acknowledge them”—then they won’t dare to do that. So it can all be resolved. When you can really do that, not just saying it but putting it into action, Master will definitely stand up for you.” (Teachings Given on Lantern Festival Day, 2003)
Through reciting the Fa, studying the Fa and doing the exercises with her, my health improved. On the next day, two practitioners visited and shared with me. One practitioner said, “You need to look into what has caused this situation. Before you began cultivation, did you do anything that you were not supposed to do? When you discover one problem after another, you’ll have to eliminate them all. Otherwise you’ll be in great danger.”
After I looked inward, I realized that I still experienced lust, so I sent forth righteous thoughts for a long time to eliminate it. On the third day, I was fully recovered. However, I didn’t look inward any deeper, but instead developed zealotry and a show-off mentality. I was delighted to tell one fellow practitioner that I was fine. She looked at me without saying anything. During that period of time, my competitive mentality also flared up and I ran into a conflict with her. Then, on the fourth day, my discomfort returned, I had intermittent belly pain. My righteous thoughts needed to be sent again. Seeing that, she was afraid that I’d run into a critical situation, and didn’t want to keep me any more. I thought: Wasn’t this something for me to enlighten to? I have relied on her for these few days and caused problems for her.
On the fifth day, I left her home and returned to work. Gradually practitioners came to study the Fa, send forth righteous thoughts, and share with me on how to look inward. Given practitioners’ righteous thoughts, my discomfort went away. A few days later, they all left.
My enlightenment quality was poor, and I didn’t rectify myself with the Fa deep down. Whenever a practitioner gave me a hint, I would look at that particular issue only. When they were around, my state was just fine. But after they left, my discomfort returned. They told me this was due to my reliance on others, for I didn’t know how to cultivate on the Fa and look inward.
I studied and recited the Fa every day, sent forth righteous thoughts; and within a month I was able to get through this tribulation.
Eliminating My Attachment to Self-Interest and Show-Off Mentality
With practitioners’ help, I found many other attachments, such as the attachment to my ego, jealousy, attachment to comfort and self-interest, selfishness, vanity and forcing my own opinions on others. Sometimes I lied, wasn’t kind to others, had differentiation and resentment. Prior to cultivation, I had a strong attachment to sentimentality between a man and woman, was indiscreet and accumulated karma as a result.
I decided that what had happened in the past had already passed. However, I understood that what I owed must be paid for. I’d guard my every thought, cultivate diligently and solidly, negate the old forces arrangements, and get rid of the rotten substances in my mind completely.
When I went to the supermarket, I only shopped for bargains. When there was fruit on sale, I’d buy a whole lot. I also ate a lot of fruit after dinner, and gained some weight. I had an attachment to self-interest, and was also greedy, and my attachment to tasty food also created problems for me.
When I was a caretaker, I was required to do a good job, yet I went to extremes. I always thought about cooking all sorts of delicious food for the senior, thinking if his son came over, he’d praise me for the meals I prepared for his father. Whenever his son came over and we had meals together, the senior would tell his son I was a great cook. Then sure enough, his son praised me. After I heard it, I felt very pleased. Zealotry, the attachment to liking to hear good things, and vanity came to the forefront.
One time, after the pork was well boiled, I was going to deep fry it. As the oil temperature was very high and there was still water retained in the pork, the oil splashed onto my face as soon as I put the pork into the wok. I had many small blisters on my face. The left side of my nose had a big blister. It took a few days before it disappeared. I didn’t enlighten that this tribulation was incurred by my show-off mentality. Later a practitioner reminded me that I was validating myself, as opposed to Dafa.
The year before, with the onset of the pandemic, I was afraid the lock-down would cause food shortages. So I bought four bags of rice for my employer on my own initiative. But, when the son saw that his father couldn’t finish eating the rice, and that there were worms in it, he wasn’t very pleased. Through this incident, my strong ego and selfishness were exposed. I forgot that I was a practitioner, and I wasn’t righteous. These strong attachments were seized upon by the old forces, and used to persecute me.
After sharing on the Fa and looking inward I came to realize that all these attachments were fake. I didn’t want them, and should completely eliminate them as well as other biased notions. One time, a new practitioner who joined the Fa-study with us talked about how she saw a practitioner in her 70s who couldn’t erect her palm during sending forth righteous thoughts, and she became agitated. Caring among practitioners is necessary, yet the other party is also a mirror for us to look inward. After I heard about this, I began to look inward. Then, I realized that often enough, I had the same issue.
The third senior practitioner who I took care of previously left behind more than 50 Dafa books which needed word corrections done. I wanted to finish the corrections and then pass on those books to new practitioners. It turned out to be not an easy task for me, as I had to wear reading glasses.
One afternoon, a new practitioner came. I asked her to use a small knife to help me. She said she had to run home to tidy up the house. I told her that I was doing this for her. She wasn’t very pleased and said something unpleasant. Right away, I caught my resentment, differentiation, forcing my opinion on others, as well as thinking that making corrections to words would delay my studying the Fa. I apologized to this practitioner sincerely. This fellow practitioner realized her shortcomings and admitted to them with a smile. I had passed another stepping stone.
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Category: Improving Oneself
