(Minghui.org) My mother wasn’t nice to me when I was a child. As a result, I disliked her and was afraid of her. She always nagged and complained. She acted as if the entire world owed her.
In my eyes, my father was kind but weak. He tolerated my mother’s criticism because he loved us and wanted to protect us. When he did talk back, my mother demanded a divorce. My father didn’t want a divorce because of us, thus he refrained from quarreling to avoid confrontation.
I spent part of my childhood at my grandmother’s place, and those were my fondest memories. My grandmother possessed traditional values, and was gentle, loving, and hard-working. My grandfather was a man of character and dignity, and loved his children.
My grandparents taught their children to put others first, respect their parents, and help their siblings. Therefore, my aunts and uncles loved and cared about me, and I felt truly loved when I was with them.
I moved back home when school started, and my sister was born around that time. Having a younger sister should have been a good thing, but my mother treated me like an enemy. She used to verbally attack my father. After my sister was born I became the new target.
My mother was educated and worked for the government. Although she didn’t beat me, she spoke to me in a sarcastic tone and ridiculed me. She openly talked to our relatives, friends, and neighbors about my shortcomings and flaws. She even made up things about me, which caused others to look down on me.
On the other hand, my mother was full of praise when it came to my younger sister.
I began to fantasize that she was my stepmother, and that my real mother would come for me one day. Wouldn’t that be nice? But I knew that was impossible, because I looked so much like her―we both had a bitter expression on our faces. No wonder we didn’t like each other, since we found each other repulsive.
We only sat together when we had a meal, therefore our meal time was like a family “struggle session” (a form of public humiliation and physical abuse used by the Chinese Communist Party, especially during the Cultural Revolution). I swallowed my food along with my tears, so it was no surprise that I was in poor health. I had digestive issues, and often vomited or felt bloated. Sometimes I fainted in school, but my mother didn’t care or treat it as a big deal.
After living in an unhealthy and negative environment for years, my temperament became irritable. I also learned to complain and nag, and spoke in sarcastic and cynical tone like my mother. Fortunately, my grandparents’ and my father’s love had a positive influence on me.
I kept searching for something positive in life. Shortly after I started working, my father told me about Falun Dafa. After reading Zhuan Falun, I understood that there is a causal relationship between people.
Master, the founder of Falun Dafa, said,
“One is that you mistreated the other person during a past life. Perhaps the situation preys on your mind, and you can’t believe someone would treat you as they are. Well, then you shouldn’t have treated them that way in the past. You might say that you didn’t know better back then and that this lifetime has nothing to do with that one. But you can’t write it off like that.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I understood that the reason my mother mistreated me was because I owed her from a past life. As I continued to cultivate, my resentment toward her lessened and I didn’t talk back as much when she criticized me. I tried to do whatever she asked me to do, and did my best to satisfy her.
I gradually learned to look inward. I used to think her criticisms were baseless, and that she was just picking on me. I began to think she was right about my flaws.
For example, she said I was impatient and careless, but I thought I was fast and efficient. I am now more careful, and try to do things well and quickly.
She said I was disorganized and didn’t clean up after myself. I ignored her words and thought that tidying my living space was a waste of time. I now recognize I was wrong, and I’m trying to improve in this area.
My mother used to call me, “Ms. Always Right,” because I always argued back when she scolded or nagged me. I now search inward unconditionally. I correct myself if I do something wrong, and encourage myself to do better even if I am not at fault. If I argue back, I immediately examine myself and apologize to her.
I no longer hold resentment against her inconsiderate behavior. She didn’t take time off from work when I gave birth. Instead, she worked overtime and only dropped by briefly to see me. So my husband had to stay at the hospital day and night to take care of me.
Her coworkers said she should have asked for time off to be with me. I knew that my mother’s generation grew up with the rise of the communist regime. The Party’s indoctrination never taught people right from wrong, and placed the Party’s interests above everything else, including family values.
When my mother had a tumor and was hospitalized I took a leave of absence from work to help her until she was discharged. She urged me to go to work for fear of getting a pay cut. I told her that family is more important than money. My employer didn’t reduce my pay and bought a gift to wish her a quick recovery.
She was touched and began noticing her insensitive demeanor towards others. She went through a big change and started treating the family with more care. She only cared about making money before, but later chose to return to her family, and did most of the housework.
My mother is now happy, and her health has improved. Falun Dafa not only transforms its practitioners but also the people around them.
It’s truly like Master said,
“...with one person practicing, the whole family benefits.” (“Teachings at the Conference in Australia”)
As for myself, I’m healthier, and look prettier and younger. When I was a child, my mother thought I was an ugly duckling, and didn’t like me. People now tell her that she has a young-looking daughter with beautiful skin. She feels proud and thinks it makes her look good.
Practicing Falun Dafa gradually melted our once icy relationship. We take walks, chat, and cook meals together now. We enjoy each other’s company—it’s as if we never disliked each other.
Thank you Master for your merciful salvation! Dafa transformed me, a person full of karma and resentment, into a cultivator that continues to improve. I haven’t been diligent and have disappointed Master, yet Master keeps pointing things out to me and protecting me. I will definitely do the three things well, and live up to Master’s expectations.
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