(Minghui.org) I now have a wonderful mother-in-law who treats me like her own daughter. In thinking about her kind smile and simple, yet well-cooked meals, I feel the warmth of a family. Although we now enjoy a happy relationship, we didn’t always. It’s fair to say that what I had to suffer in over ten years of marriage was largely due to my mother-in-law.
She was very eloquent and bossy, whereas I was quiet and didn’t think as fast as she did. Right after I married, she was very demanding and wanted to take full control of my life. Even though I was an easygoing person, I was assertive. So there was no way I could always do what she wanted, and she grew to dislike me.
She resented me for not knowing how to please her, for lacking interpersonal skills, as well as for being incapable of working in the field. I also realized that I wasn’t the only one she wasn’t kind to. She also didn’t get along with her neighbors. Although she feigned wanting to please others, she couldn’t stand her self-interest being infringed upon. As a result, I didn’t appreciate her at all.
She was sharp-tongued, as any words out of her mouth would hurt people. Even if I offered a simple greeting, I was likely to get a few cold words in response. For instance, if I asked her in the morning what she wanted to eat, I’d get the following reply, “I ate a long time ago!” And when she thought I said something improper, she’d say something even harsher to me.
I also mitigated the conflicts between her and my father-in-law. No matter what kind of conflict they had, they immediately reached a consensus as soon as they mentioned me. What they brought up was no more than I didn’t know how to do chores, or what I said wasn’t to their liking, and so on. When I saw my mother-in-law running into a conflict with her neighbor, I didn’t dare to get involved, even though I could clearly see she was at fault. Either it didn’t help, or the situation could have gotten worse to the point where I’d get myself into trouble. I could only feel sorry for her neighbors, who were no match for my ferocious mother-in-law.
A great tribulation suddenly occurred for me in 2011- my husband passed away in a car accident. Both my in-laws and I were in great grief. Thinking about how well my husband treated me, I made up my mind to be more filial to my in-laws, which I considered to be the only way I could pay back my husband. Unexpectedly, my in-laws treated me even more harshly than before, and did a few totally unacceptable things to me. Within one month after my husband passed away, my mother-in-law told me that my husband had taken out the direct food subsidy money for the whole family and lost it gambling. She implied that I had to pay it back.
After I repaid her, I felt extremely wronged. My husband and I had covered all the expenses for my in-laws for all those years. They hardly had to spend anything and gave their savings to another son and daughter-in-law who lived in another city. Many things they did to me even upset my brother-in-law. He once advised me to find someone to marry. It was under such circumstances that I had my job transferred to the township and left my in-laws.
Three years later, my father-in-law passed away. He was also a practitioner. Even though we often had conflicts, we still worked together to do things to validate Dafa. But after my husband’s death, he was completely crushed. On top of that, I had left them, and he couldn’t pull himself together any longer and passed away before he was 70 years old. I felt so sorry for him.
Since my mother-in-law was home alone, I often went back to see her. On the surface, she appeared to treat me very nicely and cooked delicious food for me every time I visited. However, I knew this kindness didn’t come from her heart, as she couldn’t hide the malice that was beneath the surface. For instance, when I felt hot and went to turn on the fan, she’d ask me in a cold tone, “Why do you want to turn on the fan?” When I said because it was too hot. She’d say, “Only you complain about it being hot; nobody else does.”
When my brother-in-law and sister-in-law came back to see her, she treated me even worse. We were eating in a restaurant, and my brother-in-law asked everyone to choose either rice or buns. After I ate one bun, I still felt hungry, so I went for another half bun. My mother-in-law abruptly asked, “Why are you still eating?” I told her I wasn’t full. She then retorted, “Didn’t you just say you only wanted one?” She didn’t relent until my brother-in-law said, “Let her have it. We can always order more if we need to.”
During those few years, I was afraid to go back to see her, as I had built up great hatred in my heart, even though it didn’t manifest on the surface.
I worked in the township for five years and was all by myself. I didn’t have a Fa study group to attend and hardly had contact with any practitioners. So I often felt very bitter, as if I was a fish out of water who longed for the sea. The house I bought in the city was finally ready for me to move in, and my work was transferred to the city as well. My home then became a new group Fa-study site. Through sharing with fellow practitioners, I learned how to look inward to resolve my conflicts.
It was time for my grudges with my mother-in-law to come to an end. I stopped looking at the superficial things, and instead used the Fa-principles to examine myself. Even though I never talked back whenever she threw a temper tantrum, did many of my bad thoughts still pop up? Yes! So I put my guard up around her and denied her. Wasn’t this also being unkind? Didn’t I still have resentment?
I made up my mind to eliminate it. In the beginning, I felt a bit upset. As soon as she started criticizing me, I still felt uncomfortable, but I didn’t feel wronged as much. My resentment began subsiding. I knew that my attachments were being eliminated; I just hadn’t been able to let them go completely. I kept reminding and encouraging myself to listen to Master Li and resolve the grievances between us.
I continually purified myself, and my mother-in-law criticized me less and less. Her attitude also changed for the better. Sometimes, when she blamed me for something, I immediately looked inward to see which attachments I hadn’t eliminated. She once said she’d get rid of our cat just to get me upset. But I wasn’t moved. I only said, “Can you please not?” She suddenly puffed out a laugh, then comforted me by saying, “I didn’t mean it. Do you think I’d really do that?” I suddenly felt great warmth, as it was the very first time she spoke to me in this tone.
When my relationship with my mother-in-law became more and more harmonized, a happy thing occurred in our family. My brother-in-law, who had been divorced for a long time and lived alone, finally remarried. My new sister-in-law was not only wealthy, but was also a straightforward and nice person. Since she came, she and my brother-in-law handled all the chores for my mother-in-law. In addition, she treated me and my children very well. My son said he felt like he had a second mother to take care of him.
By observing my new sister-in-law, I saw my own shortcomings. For example, I was very lazy. Since my husband passed away, it had always been my mother-in-law cooking for me. When I was picking robust cucumbers in the backyard, I related it to my mother-in-law’s painstaking efforts to improve. While thinking about it, tears kept streaming down my face. I realized how hard it must have been for her to control her temper and try to take care of me amidst the pain of losing her son. Given that, I really wanted to thank her. As time passed, she no longer said anything bad to me. She only cared about me and tolerated me.
I once mentioned to her about how great my sister-in-law was. My mother-in-law replied, “She is nowhere near as great as you are!” I immediately refuted her, “How is that possible? I’m so lazy.” But she said, “Your being lazy is not on purpose, that’s who you are. You don’t fight with others, nor reason things out with them either.” I was surprised to hear that. I didn’t think I had gained such high regard in her eyes.
I gradually realized she was like a new person. She not only treated me very nicely, but also started getting along well with her neighbors. It became rare to see her have conflicts with them.
Last year, one neighbor’s son and daughter-in-law died in a car accident. Because of this woman’s tragedy, my mother-in-law took great care of her. I came home once and asked about that neighbor. My mother-in-law told me that she was afraid that her neighbor didn’t feel like clearing away the snow, so my mother-in-law used a broom to clear the snow from her home all the way to her neighbor’s. Her care for her neighbor was amazing! I was touched after envisioning this short, hunchbacked lady full of white hair toiling away in the snow.
This is my story with my mother-in-law. After I snapped out of my grievances, my strongest feeling was: We are beings who came for the Fa, whereas our family members also came to help us reach consummation, while being saved in the process.
Master said:
“As I’ve said, everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples’ thoughts.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2002 Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume II)
The thoughts and actions of an ordinary person are very weak and could change based on a practitioners’ thoughts. When we look inward in conflicts, we not only eliminate our own karma, but also resolve our grievances through benevolent action. At the same time, we improve our xinxing and our realm is elevated. This process is our cultivation. With this, the ordinary person who caused the conflict got to help establish the character of a practitioner in the secular world.
The mission of a practitioner is to follow Master to rectify the Fa and save sentient beings. If we get stuck in a conflict with an ordinary person, that doesn’t serve the purpose. Not only can we not elevate ourselves, but we can also harm sentient beings who came to us for the sake of being saved. It was only because I didn’t enlighten to this that my tribulation lasted longer. After I learned to look inward, the transformations I saw in my mother-in-law were speedy. I thought her knowing side couldn’t wait for the changes to happen.
While writing about the experiences between my mother-in-law and me, I felt that my heart was cleansed again. I truly came to feel the preciousness of sentient beings who have predestined relationships with me. They used to be great gods after all! They came down to the human world and became our relatives and good friends in this lifetime. As a practitioner, all I can do is to eliminate my attachments to fame, self-interest, and sentimentality, bringing them to an eternal bright future with the harmonizing power of the Fa.
This is the first time I have written an experience sharing article. I would like to take this opportunity to give my highest regards to practitioners around the world. Let us cultivate diligently together! I truly want to thank wonderful Master for his benevolent protection. Master, please rest assured, I have made the breakthrough with my past detour under your benevolent saving grace. I will walk my final leg well and not let you down. I will do well for sure!
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