(Minghui.org) When Master Li published the articles “Stay Far Away From Peril” and “Cultivation in Dafa Is Serious,” I recalled the intense resentment I had held onto for many years. With Master’s guidance, I overcame and got rid of those feelings.
In early 2008, my father, a Falun Dafa practitioner, passed away. I felt his passing was unfair and deeply resented losing him. I couldn’t understand why my father—and not the non-practitioners I thought had low morality—had died.
I was dealt another hard blow when my mother, also a practitioner, passed away from sickness karma around September 2015. My resentment grew even deeper.
In early November 2015, there was a massive arrest of the local practitioners who’d filed complaints against Jiang Zemin, the former Chinese Communist Party leader who ordered the persecution of Falun Dafa. I was seized at home early one morning and held at the police station for a day without being given any food or water. I was released on bail that evening and went home with my brother.
Facing the empty living room after the police raid, I burst into tears. I knew I must have major problems in my cultivation.
In other practitioners’ eyes, I studied and recited the Fa very diligently, and I was rational and not easily moved by things. But I knew that this wasn’t real. I always felt something was blocking me from fully assimilating to the Fa. I felt like I was drifting in the air and plagued by anxiety, helplessness, and fear.
I stopped contacting others and spent most of my time studying the Fa. In early 2017, I finally realized that my fundamental problem was that I didn’t truly cultivate myself, and many of my attachments were hidden deep inside and protected. My diligence was only on the surface, and I didn’t want to look any deeper to reach those attachments.
In early 2018, I saw two rocks in a dream. When I woke up, I realized they symbolized the rock-like feelings of resentment I’d developed after my parents’ deaths. I resented my mother’s death even more than my father's, so that rock was bigger. I hated her for not taking cultivation seriously, not treating me well, and leaving me all on my own.
I had another dream several months later in which I destroyed a lot of paperwork. I took it as an indication that I had broken through the attachments and destroyed the old forces’ arrangements for me.
Now, I feel I’m more grounded when studying the Fa. I can face things with calm and ease. I am no longer moved by my human heart, and I’m making steady improvements in my cultivation. When I study the Fa, I feel Master is with me and his infinite compassion surrounds me.
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Category: Improving Oneself
