(Minghui.org) I was fortunate enough to begin practicing Falun Dafa close to the early days when Master Li, the founder of this cultivation practice, brought Dafa to the public. Since I was a youngster, the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance have been rooted in my mind. I am very grateful to Master for his compassion. He never gave up on me when I didn’t cultivate very well, so I could continue to have the opportunity to do the three things and fulfill the vows I made in pre-history.
When studying the Fa, I could only grasp the surface meaning of the many principles Master lectured on, and I did not deeply understand them. Only now do I realize that I have not cultivated diligently for the past 20-plus years. I wasn’t mentally prepared, nor was I determined to take on a lot of hardship or deal with significant difficulties. Thus, I was bewildered when I heard that my mother was arrested in the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) persecution of Falun Dafa. I felt as if my world had collapsed.
When my mother’s situation was reported on Minghui.org, it read, “... the details are unknown,” and reading this made me petrified. I was afraid that my mother would disappear, be cruelly tortured, or even have her organs harvested. I feared that I would be a motherless child from then on. Hence, my negative thoughts kept popping up, and I couldn’t dispel them. At that time, intensive Fa study was the only way to maintain my righteous thoughts.
When my mother was first arrested, I felt inexplicably flustered and nervous every afternoon, which caused breathing difficulties. Later, I studied the Fa during my lunch break. Even though sometimes I could only study for about 10 minutes, it was enough to help me focus and complete my work in the afternoon.
Master said,
“You are cultivators. I’m not talking about your past, what you once were, or what you display on the surface. I am talking about your core and the meaning of your life, the responsibility you shoulder, and your historic mission. Only thus are you truly a Dafa disciple.” (“What a Dafa Disciple Is,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume XI)
When I first read the above, I couldn’t understand why a practitioner’s central core was so important. Through studying the Fa at noon during that time, I deeply felt that I was made of the Fa, and I’m a being who came for the Fa. If I didn’t have Dafa, then my life’s most fundamental elements wouldn’t exist.
Whenever I was extremely sad, my attachment to sentimentality made me lose my righteous thoughts. I kept thinking: “I understand that cultivation is difficult, yet I didn’t expect it to be that difficult. If I knew that cultivation was this difficult, I wouldn’t have dared to come down to this bitter and deluded human world, which is full of karma.” I, who lacked righteous thoughts, began to worry about the ending of the Fa-rectification because I felt I couldn’t keep up anymore.
Then, I came across Master’s teaching in this passage of the Fa:
“Of course, of those who have died there are also cases that were arranged in history by the old forces. For instance, back during those students’ last lifetime, the old forces might have said, “If you want to obtain Dafa when Dafa is taught, you will have to die like that. Otherwise we won’t let you in.” Without a doubt, at that time the students would agree to it, they would agree to being beaten to death when the time came.” (Teachings Given on Lantern Festival Day, 2003)
A being in a clear state of mind would still want to obtain the Fa, even if it meant he would be beaten to death. I held the determination that I was willing to die and then came down to the human world to assist Master in rectifying the Fa and safeguarding the truth of the universe. Then why do I have to complain about things and not accomplish my mission?
On the path of assisting Master in Fa-rectification, I’ve already had far too many regrets. Because of my attachments, there were many things that I could have done better, but did not, even many things that I didn’t have time to tackle. But I hope, at least at this moment, I am able to set my heart on doing what I am capable of doing. Other than that, I will leave everything up to Master.
The initial two months after I heard of my mother’s arrest were the most difficult for me, yet Master’s Fa lightened my heart and made my world bright again. Before that, I thought one’s cultivation path was very narrow and bumpy. However, as long as I paid attention, I could find the blossoming roses on my path. When reading the “2018 NTD and Epoch Times Fa Conference” I realized that my cultivation path was not a path per se. Rather, it is a steel wire erected in the air above a ten thousand-foot abyss, and if I am not careful, I’ll be smashed to pieces. It was Master who used His warm hand to hold me tightly. Even though it was difficult, I moved forward steadily.
I once read a story about a cultivator on his cultivation path, who said he knew that God was accompanying him because every time he turned around to check on the path he had walked, he always saw two sets of footprints. However, he only saw one set of footprints when he encountered difficulties and struggled to move forward. He then wondered why God abandoned him during his most difficult times. At that time, the voice of divine mercy rang in his ears: “It’s because I carried you on my back.” It reminded me of Master’s painstaking efforts to guide us.
A few months prior to my mother’s arrest, I tried to memorize the Fa so I could recite it with other practitioners. After that, on a regular day, everything was turned upside down. I began to not have time to eat or do the Dafa exercises. Sometimes, I’d be late logging online to recite the Fa with the others. After I logged on, I realized that practitioners were quietly waiting for me. Because I knew people were waiting to recite the Fa with me, I never thought about putting a stop to letting things happen that way. I knew that if I didn’t recite the Fa with other practitioners, it would be difficult to recite it alone for over two hours every day. Even though I sometimes recited the Fa in tears, as long as I put my heart into it, no matter how pained I felt, I quickly recovered under the compassionate and wonderful power of the Fa.
On a few occasions, I went to Parliament to clarify the facts, and fell asleep as soon as I got home. When it was time to recite the Fa, a fellow practitioner called me and encouraged me to get over my attachment to leisure so we could recite the Fa together. After she reminded me three times, I texted her to thank her for her kind reminders. I also told her I’d log on to recite the Fa on time from then on. I will never forget what she said: “It’s nothing. We just try to help each others forge ahead.”
Reciting the Fa for two hours every day, plus studying Master’s new articles, has helped me get over the emotional trauma of my mother being arrested. Master has also arranged for practitioners to help and encourage me. A practitioner sent me a text message saying, “Even though I don’t know you, I really wanted to share with you this morning when doing the sitting meditation.” I thought: “True,” as I felt especially insecure when doing the morning exercises.
Similar things happened almost every day during the first couple of months after my mother’s arrest. As long as my mind wasn’t stable or I tried to escape deep into my heart, practitioners sent texts or called me. Also, because of their caring words, I could calm down. At that time, no matter how poor my enlightenment quality was, I could feel that Master was by my side to protect and safeguard me.
I truly appreciate the practitioners who helped, enlightened, and accompanied me. Among them, I had worked with some to clarify the facts at various sightseeing spots, some I knew briefly, and many others I didn’t know. Thinking back on this nearly one-year experience, their faces appear in front of me one by one. At that time, I always thought about the comments that different practitioners wrote in their sharing articles on the Minghui website: “Such a wonderful Master! Such a wonderful Fa! Such wonderful practitioners!”
When I first learned that my mother was arrested, I asked myself: “Do I resent the people who participated in the persecution?” I thought it over with a cool head, then answered: “No, I do not.” I didn’t hate anyone who participated in arresting my mother because all of them are sentient beings who were deceived by the Chinese Communist Party’s lies. They were the ones being used by the CCP, as well as the ones waiting for us to save them. But over time, I heard terrible news. Among the practitioners arrested with my mother, some were persecuted to death, and some were illegally sentenced to prison for seven years. My resentment flared up with that, yet I didn’t realize it. Only after I stumbled and local practitioners pointed it out, did I realize that my resentment caused an unnecessary loss. Thus, I became worried that there would be beings who couldn’t be saved due to my attachments. This lesson was very harsh. After that, I began to calm down and look inward.
Remembering my cultivation path, I realized that my resentment towards police officers and members of the procuratorate and the judicial system were long-standing. At that time, because I was very young, I didn’t recognize the resentment, nor did I know how to eliminate it. During those years in China, I used my vacation time to cover every level of the courts, prisons, detention centers, and drug rehabilitation centers with my mother to talk about Falun Dafa. At the detention center, I saw a few practitioners in handcuffs being pushed around by guards. During an illegal trial, I saw a judge violate and abuse the law when he made false accusations about a practitioner. When we were giving out informational materials outside the building, my mother and I were reported by people who didn’t know the facts about Falun Dafa.
Under Master’s protection, we managed to escape from the police officers. The sound of that shrill siren left me with a deep fear. Practitioners were arrested and persecuted one group after another. What I saw and heard left an indelible mark on my teenage mind. In my last term in school, before moving to Japan to study, a practitioner who had been at my home the day before was arrested at her place of work on the following morning.
My mother and I later accompanied this practitioner’s elderly father to the police station to demand his daughter’s release. The director called us into his office for a chat. That was my first time talking about Falun Dafa with a police officer face-to-face. I wasn’t worried about my own safety, or my future. I only wanted to tell him the facts the best I could, even though I was terribly nervous. My fear was strong, but I tried to overcome it. Thus, when the director asked me, “Do you also practice Falun Gong?” Even though my mind turned blank, I still firmly answered, “Yes, I do.”
Compared with practitioners who have cultivated very well, what I have experienced is insignificant. But even so, these experiences have left an indelible pain in my heart. The longer my mother was held in detention, things that happened in the past kept returning to haunt me. Gradually, I developed resentment towards those people who worked in the police stations, procuratorate, and judicial systems, and thought that no one was good and none of them could be saved.
Before my mother was arrested, I was fortunate to join the Global Rescue Telephone Team platform. At that time, no matter whether I faced the other party’s arrogant and impenetrable attitude or that person said some unpleasant words, I could keep a steady mind. After my mother was arrested, I talked briefly with the coordinator and left the project. Later on, other practitioners occasionally invited me to make phone calls, but I always declined with the reason that I was tied up with other things.
When I realized that I was holding resentment, I noticed that I wasn’t so tied up that I didn’t have time to make one call. The actual reason why I was reluctant to clarify the facts to people who worked under the CCP was that I thought there was no use in talking to them. During that time, I worked on eliminating my resentment. Sometimes, when resentful thoughts or past events came to my mind, I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate them. After a while, I took the initiative to request telephone numbers and made calls using the platform. After I was cursed at by another party, who then hung up, I called back and clarified the facts in a peaceful way. I called the other party five times, despite knowing that they were in automatic message mode, and three of the times I successfully left a message explaining the facts from different angles, I knew that, at least at this moment, my resentment could no longer stop me from saving people.
Thinking back over the past 11 months, I still have a lot of regrets. Sometimes, the opportunity to clarify the facts didn’t occur again after I missed it. After sharing my thoughts with other practitioners, I realized that the power of my truth-clarification would have been greater if I had acted differently.
Over the last few years, I have identified many attachments. Even though I managed to find them, when I couldn’t reach the standards Master required, I gradually developed feelings of inferiority. Especially in the last year, on several occasions, increasingly serious feelings of inferiority and external pressure caused me to lose confidence in my ability to continue practicing.
When “Wake Up” was published on the Minghui website, I read it when I was at the Parliament building. It was a sunny day. I sat on a couch on the ground floor. My mind was blank, and deep down, I couldn’t calm down for a while. After that, I laughed at myself for wanting to rescue my mother and clarify the facts to save sentient beings, but why couldn’t I save myself first?
I later talked with practitioners about my state of mind. I knew that my feelings often came down to interference from the old forces, yet I still didn’t have a good approach to getting rid of that thinking. There was only one point. I knew that Dafa is good, I couldn’t leave Dafa, nor could I live my life without Dafa. I could only study the Fa more, study well, and try my best to do things according to Master’s requirements.
Master said,
“But I would like you to know one thing: now that you have Dafa with you, you have gained the Fa, and your life belongs to the Great Way, so you should forge ahead without any doubt, with righteous thoughts and actions, and do things as I have taught you.” (“2018 Fa Teaching Given in Washington, D.C.,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XV)
I was determined to try to change. Sometimes, when reading practitioners’ sharing articles on ways to counteract the persecution or rescue practitioners, I was often moved to tears. I thought: “The path has been made by a great number of practitioners and I can follow as well because I’m a particle of Dafa.”
The wait for Fa-rectification has lasted eons, and reincarnating into a human, which happens once in five thousand years, has been for connecting with today’s sacred, predestined relationship. Once connected with it, I want to cultivate solidly in Dafa and not let Master down for choosing me to assist Him in rectifying the Fa.
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Category: Cultivation Insights
