(Minghui.org) When I was a child I followed my mother to read the Fa (teachings) and practice the exercises. After entering high school, however, I only occasionally joined the adults. I observed that my family and the other practitioners benefited from practicing Falun Dafa, so I agreed with them that Dafa is good. I did not truly cultivate.
My High School Years
My understanding of Falun Dafa deepened when I was in my third year of high school. I was quite busy with my studies, but I used every free moment to read the Fa. However, it was done out of pursuit—I wanted to enter a top university. I felt that being a practitioner would help me enter a good university. In addition to reading Zhuan Falun with the adults, I also read Master’s other lectures. Once I started reading the other lectures, I was shocked. I realized that Falun Dafa has profound meanings. Master discussed things that we did not learn in our textbooks, such as the structure of the universe.
Although I read the Fa with an impure heart to gain “rewards” and knowledge, Master encouraged me. I occasionally had some amazing experiences—I heard wonderful music from another realm once, etc. However, I did not understand that this happened to encourage me to be diligent in my cultivation, so I continued to read the Fa with pursuit. Deep in my heart, I thought that as long as I studied the Fa, Master would definitely help me enter a good university. In the end, as my motives were impure, I did not manage to get into a top university. After the exams were over, I gradually reduced the time I spent reading the Fa.
I Start Memorizing the Fa
When I entered university, I was no longer under the control of my parents. Lured by the Internet, I bought a smartphone. I became addicted to the Internet and gradually forgot about studying the Fa.
I don’t remember what made me suddenly think about reading the Fa in my third year of university. This time I did not have the thought of pursuing anything. One morning my abdomen ached. I knew that Master was helping me cleanse my body. I resumed cultivating and I felt very happy.
Because of my “lesson” in high school (when I was not admitted to a top university), I knew that I could not treat Fa study as pursuing knowledge or to get things. I tried my best to focus when I read the Fa. That year, a veteran practitioner was arrested by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I thought: “That practitioner always cultivated so well, but he was still kidnapped by the CCP. Will I make it?” Master mentioned these things in his lectures, and I understood that there are no references in cultivation. We cannot learn from other people, instead we should come to our own understandings from the Fa.
I started memorizing Zhuan Falun. It took me six months to memorize up to the Ninth Talk. Later, I took an internship in another city. I had to work during the day and stayed in a rented apartment at night, so there was no environment suitable for me to memorize and check with the book directly, so I did not finish memorizing the entire book. The internship also made me very busy, and it was very late by the time I got home. As I gradually slacked off in my Fa study, all sorts of ordinary attachments started to surface. To make matters worse, my internship was not going smoothly. I thought about studying for my masters degree, so I quit my internship.
Although I did not routinely read the Fa, my heart was still filled with Dafa. When I applied to a top university I ranked second from the bottom during the initial round of entry exams. I felt anxious and that I was not good enough. I thought about giving up getting a master’s degree.
The afternoon the results were announced, a friend who took the exams with me called and said that she knew a professor from a university who could transfer me there for my graduate studies. She gave me half an hour to consider. If I agreed, I would have the chance to study for a masters degree.
However, she listed several conditions I had to fulfill, such as even if the retest results showed I got in, I could not go to the university I selected; my application file must be transferred to that professor’s university. At the time I really felt that I would not get into the university I applied to. Furthermore, the conditions that the new university offered were attractive and time was tight.
Fortunately, I had some foundation from when I memorized the Fa. I recalled that Master mentioned the Fa principle of not pursuing gain, and gaining without pursuit in Zhuan Falun. I decided to decline her offer. Wasn’t this also pulling strings? How much virtue would I lose if I took someone’s place? Furthermore, studying and attending university is just one aspect of my life. Wherever I went for my studies would be a chance to meet people I could clarify the truth to. I should just follow Master’s arrangements. That night, a classmate told me I was admitted into the university I applied to.
My Graduate Studies
As part of my graduate studies, I read all sorts of academic books. I felt I fulfilled my wish of entering a top university and there should be some changes in my life.
Once, I read an academic book that spanned many fields such as artificial intelligence, music, and the arts. One part was hard to understand. However, when I took a look at it, the information in the book was not hard to understand. The laws that Master mentioned in his lectures were more profound. I suddenly no longer had so much interest in these books. I neglected reading Zhuan Falun. Wasn’t I foolish?
I let go of my attachment to pursuing knowledge and used all my spare time to study the Fa. I also realized that being a Dafa practitioner of the Fa rectification period, not only did I need to read the Fa, I also needed to catch up and do the other things Master asked (clarify the truth and send righteous thoughts). Although I lived in the students’ dormitory I persisted in sending forth righteous thoughts. Master saw that I had the heart to do well so he enlightened me to purchase supplies and make my own truth-clarification materials.
When the COVID pandemic struck in 2020 my environment changed from “individual cultivation” at school to practicing at home. With a more relaxed environment, plus influenced by family, all sorts of attachments, such as laziness and seeking comfort, arose. I read the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts like they were a formality. I did not truly cultivate.
For a very long period of time, I did not understand why practitioners held group Fa study, but after I entered university I read on my own Wouldn’t it be better if I exchanged cultivation experiences in person? After going through a period of a “non-individual cultivation” state at home during the pandemic, I understood that my way of cultivation is not determined by my personal preferences. Whatever Master arranges for us is the best. Maybe I was supposed to practice on my own.
Looking back on my cultivation path, during the period of my individual cultivation, I was really able to control my own behavior and cultivate diligently. I understood I needed to overcome interference. I should not let my cultivation state be influenced by the changes in my environment.
Catching Up
After the pandemic lockdowns were lifted at the end of 2022, I had COVID symptoms. One night, after I finished reading the second talk in Zhuan Falun, I felt cold. The next day, I developed a high fever. My lower body ached as though it had been run over. A sentence from my previous night’s Fa study suddenly flashed through my mind:
“Some of you will find, starting today, that your whole body feels chilly, as if you’ve come down with a heavy cold, and your bones might even ache.” (The Second Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that this was a cultivation test, and I needed to persist in studying the Fa.
My roommate also had COVID symptoms. After she recovered, she frequently said things like, “My friend had very serious symptoms and she was hospitalized. You should go and get a check up,” and, “I recently went to the hospital to get an IV drip. The doctor said my lung was bad.”
I maintained my xinxing and did not let the fake symptoms distract me. I studied the Fa and went to work as usual and I was fine.
In my work environment the conflicts over personal gain were acute, and the scheming was more intense than at school. I sometimes felt a sort of “hardship” that I could not share with anyone, as everyone around me is a non-practitioner. I knew if I was not careful, I would easily get lost in the mundane stuff and forget to guard my speech. Ulcers erupted in my mouth when I did not mind my speech. I knew this was Master’s benevolent reminder.
When I could no longer tolerate the injustices at work, I silently recited,
“Nothing is truly unbearable or impossible.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
When I went through this test, I felt the tribulation was so big that I could not overcome it. However, after I looked back, I understood that all these things happen due to predestined relationships. I am truly thankful. I am thankful to that colleague for helping me to improve my xinxing. Without these tribulations, I would still be lost in the mundane world and focused on petty gains.
I am all the more thankful to Master for his benevolent salvation. He lets me understand high-level Fa principles and helps me gradually let go of my attachment to personal gain and eliminate my notions.
As my cultivation level is limited, kindly correct me if there is any room for improvement.
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