(Minghui.org) I am naturally talkative and quite articulate. My mother said that I started to talk at an early age. Since I was a child, I have been very fond of talking and giving my opinion. It appeared that I was particularly lively, and often became the center of attention when I was in a crowd. When I was young, I liked to tell stories to kids younger than me, and as I grew up, it seemed to become a kind of “asset.” But practicing Dafa, brought me difficulties.
When I was 10 years old, I started practicing Dafa with my mother. After practicing Dafa, my mother was more cautious with her speech, and often reminded me to keep my eyes open and my mouth shut. But I turned a deaf ear. As an adult, because of my love of talking, I discovered a lot of problems with myself.
Interrupting Others
When I was having a conversation with others, before they could finish talking, I would “smartly” understand what they were wanting to say, and would interrupt them. Many times, in fact, I misinterpreted their meaning and ended up being embarrassed. I wanted to change, but my attachment to showing off was at play. “Making a change” only stayed in my mouth, and I would continue to do the same thing time after time. I knew that it was disrespectful to interrupt others and I shouldn’t do that, but I didn’t give it the attention that was needed.
Cursing
I loved to talk, but I was not very good at it, and I didn’t like to say words that would praise and recognize others. Instead, I usually said words that were harsh, thinking I was telling the truth. For example, there was a high school reunion, and the high school classmates had changed a lot. There was a girl who became more beautiful than when she was in school. When in school, she was overweight, and now she was in good shape. Others praised her beauty, and I remarked, “In high school, you were so fat, and now you are not. That’s quite good ...” She immediately went red in the face. I was still feeling that I was doing well as I was only telling the truth.
I often said things that were very harmful. My husband is a fellow practitioner, often lowering his head when doing the sitting meditation. I reminded him, but he never corrected it. I would sometimes say to him with sarcasm, “Your head is going to drop to the floor.”
I once read an article that practitioners should not say curse words, and it mentioned Master’s teachings:
“... a neighbor already begins to curse in his house: “What’s so great about getting a hundred? Show off! Who hasn’t scored a hundred?” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
After reading this part of the article, I realized that I often used curse words, and I didn’t even realize it. I often swore at my husband and was sarcastic, often affecting others.
Talking about Practitioners Behind Their Backs
Because I started Dafa cultivation relatively early, I knew more practitioners, and I helped some of them draft their cultivation-sharing articles, thus I learned more about the personal cultivation experiences of other practitioners. I often talked to my husband about the practitioners’ situations, and would even exaggerate the stories. My husband would remind me to cultivate my speech, and that he does not need to know such specific details. I would be upset about his response, and sometimes I would look inward. But, I did not try to have a major change in that regard.
Spreading Gossip
When practitioners told me something, I would tell other practitioners without a second thought. It may have been a trivial matter between practitioners, or something that happened overseas, but no matter what, I would spread it.
Lying
I tended to tell lies as early as I could talk. I was often beaten for lying when I was a child, but I never changed. After I grew up, it caused me a lot of trouble in cultivation, and now I sometimes say things without thinking they may be lies. One day, a practitioner said to me, “When I come to your home, it hurts when I cross my legs, but it doesn’t hurt as much in my own home.”
I immediately made up a story, replying, “Once, I went to a practitioner’s home, and my legs hurt when I meditated for a while. But they didn’t hurt when I was at home.” I complained that the field at that particular practitioner’s home was not good. That night I looked inward and realized my problem. The next day, I exposed my lie to other practitioners.
Unwilling to Take Criticism
I often smiled, which hid a strong attachment of not willing to take criticism. I would be unhappy if I was criticized, and defended myself, quibbling, “It’s not that you don’t know what was happening...”
I haven’t completely corrected this problem, and sometimes say to myself, “Hold it in, I won’t argue!” Sometimes I can hold back, but other times I can’t, and would still argue a little.
Unforgiving and Accusing
This is especially obvious to my husband. When I saw he did something that didn’t comply with the Fa, I would often criticize him. I believed I was right. I acted as if I considered him first, but in fact, I did not consider whether what I said would be acceptable to him or not. I used words that would irritate him, which would result in us blaming each other and ending up having a disagreement.
Toothache
A while ago, I had a toothache – it just suddenly hurt. On the first day of the toothache, it didn’t hurt to touch any of the teeth, and it didn’t hurt when I was having a meal, or when I had something important to do. But whenever I was free, I would feel the toothache. I didn’t take it seriously because the pain wasn’t that strong.
The toothache continued the next day. A relative came to visit from out of town, and we had a barbecue. My teeth didn’t hurt at all. After sending righteous thoughts at midnight my teeth began to hurt, and I screamed out in pain. I had no choice but to sit up and send forth righteous thoughts. It was a little better after I sent righteous thoughts, but it still hurt a lot.
The third night, I did not sleep for the whole night due to the pain. I did the sitting meditation instead, but my body swayed due to the severe pain. I insisted on not taking my legs down. I finished the one-hour meditation and felt much better.
On the fourth day, my whole face seemed to cramp up and the pain reached the top of my head.
On the fifth day, the pain came every half hour, making me roll in my bed. When my husband saw me, he sent righteous thoughts next to me and asked me to ask Master (Dafa’s founder) for help. Another practitioner in my family said, “Hurry up and look inward. You just don’t cultivate your speech. Hurry up and ask Master for help.”
I couldn’t stand the pain, so I went in front of Master’s portrait and cried while begging Master. I kept telling Master, “I’m wrong,” and asked for Master’s forgiveness. Compassionate Master looked at me majestically, as if helpless. I said to Master: “Master please save me, I will correct myself. I am wrong, I must change.” In no time, the pain disappeared, and I knew that again compassionate Master had borne it for me.
However, the pain went into the sixth day. I really didn’t know which tooth hurt, but it just hurt. When the pain occurred, I did the sitting meditation. Later on, it was not helpful even when I did the sitting meditation because I had the intention of seeking pain relief. Other practitioners reminded me to look within. I covered half of my face, picked up a pen, and listed the incidents of my failing to cultivate my speech. I made a wish to Master that I would correct myself.
On the seventh day, the pain was significantly reduced. I knew that the remaining pain was a test of my faith in Master and Dafa. Therefore, I firmly believed that I was already well and the pain was a false appearance. I didn’t acknowledge it. In the end, the toothache completely disappeared!
Master said:
“Being the age that I am, I know, as do those who are older than me, that at one time people were very good and kind—from their outward behavior to the things they said. So, with the way they behaved and where the standard was, if they were to play the part of the bad guy, they would have to really put thought into how to do it, study the part, and rehearse it before they could come across as sufficiently bad.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa” in Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Volume XI)
After studying the above Fa again, I had a deeper understanding: even when speaking to the practitioners in my family I should also cultivate my speech, and not say what is not supposed to be said. I must cultivate my speech and not relax in my cultivation. The old forces are watching, and recording everything I do. The old forces would persecute me if my wrongdoings accumulate to a certain extent.
Now, as I look back on my cultivation, I didn’t cultivate my speech and did not pay attention to it. I really felt ashamed before Master.
After the toothache, I realized how serious it is to cultivate speech, and now I pay attention to what I say. I want to make a change and make sure that I do not let Master down.
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Category: Improving Oneself
