(Minghui.org) The one attachment I have been striving to eliminate, but haven’t completely uprooted, is my attachment to emotion between men and women.
I had wished for a beautiful family since I was a teenager. I made up so many wishful stories in my mind that I was exhausted mentally and physically. I know now that I was generating thought karma, and even before I started practicing Falun Dafa, I realized these thoughts were not right. I avoided reading romantic fiction novels, knowing they would only unleash even wilder thoughts. My mom taught my sisters and I about traditional values and marriage. None of us dated early. For years I looked for a way to free myself from these fantasies.
After I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997, Master took out my bad thoughts. I suddenly felt unburdened and experienced unprecedented happiness.
The persecution was launched in 1999, when I was in 20. While young people found jobs and married after graduation, a few steadfast young Falun Dafa practitioners were unable to do this. Instead, we lost almost everything due to the CCP’s (Chinese Communist Party) persecution. I made my choice without hesitation to whole-heatedly tell people about the persecution. My life belongs to Falun Dafa. I didn’t wish to get married. I’m touched by my pure intention at that time, even though thoughts about the perfect life I fantasized about when I was young did resurface when I slacked off in my cultivation.
My failure to eliminate my attachment to sentiment and lust invited trouble. I was arrested by the local police on July 19, 2002 after the documentary on human rights violations against Falun Dafa was broadcast on TV in Changchun. It was the third time I was imprisoned. I launched a hunger strike to protest the persecution and seven months later I was released. Many experience sharing articles published on the Minghui website at that time talked about how practitioners examined themselves for fundamental attachments. I felt I needed to deeply look within to avoid any further persecution. I found many, including my attachment to doing projects and validating myself, as well as not concentrating on Fa study.
I wasn’t in a good state of cultivation before I was imprisoned. The practitioners around me kept getting arrested. Two other young practitioners and I were on the wanted list of the Jilin Province Police Department because we organized an experience sharing conference. I had to conceal my identity, but continued to produce truth clarification materials. Another practitioner and I had to move several times due to security concerns. Immersed in an atmosphere of terror, I couldn’t stay calm. My human notions got the upper hand when my righteous thoughts wavered. My attachment resurfaced, and I began fantasizing about a good family life.
The old forces used my attachment as an excuse to persecute me. Before I was arrested, Master hinted to me that I shouldn’t follow my thought karma. It wasn’t until I was released in 2003 that I realized that my fundamental attachment was my attachment to emotion between men and women. It finally dawned on me how dangerous it was to harbor this attachment.
I lived with my older sister after I left China. She was thrown into a forced labor camp only a month after she got married, just because she went to Beijing to appeal for Falun Dafa. Her imprisonment ended her short marriage. During the 7 years we spent in Europe, my sister and I happily cultivated ourselves and validated the Fa. There were no young men among our fellow practitioners. My sister and I did not consider marrying a non-practitioner after we experienced the persecution and understood how serious cultivation is. We discussed this and decided to eliminate this attachment.
However, I had a dream one night, in which my uncle asked me why I hadn’t married. I replied, “I won’t get married if I can’t find anyone I like.” I told my sister, “It looks like I not only have an attachment to lust, but also a serious one. The reason for my not getting married is that I haven’t found a man I liked!”
I experienced a true test regarding sentiment after I came to the U.S. in 2016. I struggled in pain for a long time. The agony was bad enough to destroy the will power of a cultivator. I survived this hardest test by memorizing the Fa. To summarize how I eliminated the attachment to sentiment, first of all, I didn’t treat the emotion as part of myself. Secondly, I studied the Fa intensively.
One day, I memorized the Sixth Talk in Zhuan Falun. The story of the young man passing the test of lust enlightened me and I realized I could treat my test the same way. When tempted by bad thoughts, I should recite this paragraph,
“I’m no average person. I’m a practitioner. Don’t treat me this way. I cultivate Falun Dafa.” (The Sixth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
The bad thoughts usually disappeared after I repeated this a few times. If the thoughts were strong, I needed to repeat it a few more times.
Experienced practitioners know not to watch soap operas, as it may stir up our emotions. Bad thoughts aren’t limited to lust. All kinds of bad thoughts can surface when we lose focus while studying the Fa or sending righteous thoughts.
Before I decided to leave China, a practitioner wished to introduce me to another practitioner’s son. Though it was impossible for me to agree, the incident kept disturbing my thoughts. I followed the train of thought initially, and then I realized it was wrong. However, I couldn’t get rid of it. As soon as I entered the practitioner’s home, I was hit by a strong flow of energy which shattered all my bad thoughts. Twelve practitioners were there sending righteous thoughts for imprisoned practitioners. The energy hit me because my mindset wasn’t right. It was the first time I personally experienced how attachments were real substances and how the power of righteous thoughts can disintegrate them.
Every one of us, young and old, runs into such tests as long we have these attachments. Practitioners can get married. Some relationships are predestined and arranged by Master, but more are tests and offer opportunities to eliminate attachments. My experience tells me that if we aren’t arranged to get married, just don’t think about it. If we began thinking about it, we should try our best to reject it and stay unattached. With Master and Dafa in mind, we will eventually be able to pass these tests. Don’t be pessimistic even if you haven’t handled it well. Persist in cultivation and in clarifying the truth. Sentient beings are waiting for us to save them. We don’t have time to waste on romance. Lust is the first test we have to pass on our journey to the divine. We must let it go.
This is my personal understanding. Please feel free to point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.
Thank you, Master, for your compassionate salvation and care!
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Category: Improving Oneself
