(Minghui.org) Anna was my coworker. Our relationship was already very good before I started practicing. After we began cultivating, we were even more like family, especially after the persecution started in 1999. Aside from studying the Fa and exchanging cultivation understandings twice every week, we also validated the Fa together, and helped and supported one another through thick and thin.
However, over the last two years, a gap started to form between us. We no longer had that harmony and camaraderie we used to enjoy. There was no longer that peacefulness, much less the mutual care and trust between us. Although we still read the Fa together, our cultivation exchanges decreased. I left after we finished reading, because I did not want to listen to her “nag.” I also did not want to see her unkind attitude and expressions. I thought that if it wasn’t for Master’s request for us to study the Fa as a group, I would definitely stop going to her house.
The one thing I disliked the most about Anna was that she loved to find out about things, so every time we met, she first asked what someone was doing, where someone else was, if I went to study the Fa at another Fa study site and how many people were there, etc. She is older than I, so although I detested her asking, I answered her questions out of courtesy and respect. Sometimes, I also reminded her indirectly not to ask such questions. Instead, we should use the time to read the Fa. But the next time we met, she still asked those questions. I really did not know what to do, and I felt helpless.
Master’s teachings about looking within when encountering conflicts reminded me that for such a long time, I just kept blaming Anna. Wasn’t this looking outward? I am a cultivator, why didn’t I examine myself? When Anna loved to ask questions, it was an attachment to being meddlesome. So which of my attachments was Anna trying to help me eliminate?
Did I also like to be meddlesome? When I looked within, I discovered that I was curious and meddlesome. Of course, this attachment did not show when I was with fellow practitioners, but when I was interacting with others, especially with my family, I was always meddlesome.
When my husband’s attitude was negative, I was unhappy. I would pester him, or I criticized him and said that there was something wrong with his attitude. My husband said that I was meddlesome but I did not admit it. Sometimes, I talked back. Seeing that my understanding of the Fa was so low and I could not get rid of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture, I understood that Master let me see my strong attachment through Anna’s behavior. However, I still did not understand and this matter dragged on for so long. I repeatedly missed many opportunities Master arranged for me. I felt very bad.
When I realized this attachment and tried my best to change, Anna changed. She no longer asked about others. However, when I did not do well, Anna’s meddlesome behavior would reappear. I finally understood that her behavior was Master’s way of helping me see my own problems. Thank you Master for your painstaking efforts!
I also really disliked Anna’s rigid and unkind facial expressions and attitude when she spoke. I have to work, and due to the pandemic our work hours were frequently adjusted. So my Fa study time with Anna had to be adjusted accordingly. Every time I mentioned changing our time, Anna would get worked up and say loudly, “We will do it at whatever time you decide!”
Whenever she did that, I felt uncomfortable. I thought to myself, “Why is your attitude so bad? You do not work, so why can’t we change the Fa study time? I was not changing the Fa study time voluntarily. I had to change it because my work schedule changed. Why can’t you understand my situation?”
When Anna got angry, I felt that I was wronged. We would part on bad terms. Through looking within, I first found my attachment to complaining about Anna: I complained because she did not agree to my request happily. When I looked within, I discovered that I had another strong attachment to myself. I only thought about my convenience, but did not think about the fact that my changing the Fa study time frequently was going to disrupt plans that she had. I had already affected Anna’s life, but I was not remorseful. Instead, I complained that she did not respond to my request happily.
Thinking back about my behavior towards Anna all these years, I was often late, and as she was afraid that she would not hear me when I knocked on her door, so she sat by the door and waited for me. When I went to her house and knocked on her door, if she was slightly late in opening the door, I complained and asked why she took so long to open it.
She may have been doing some very important things at that time. When I recall all this, I realized that Anna has always accommodated me but I was not satisfied. I even criticized her and complained about her. I am really too selfish and I felt very ashamed.
After finding all these shortcomings, I tried my best to change. I no longer arrive late at Anna’s house and I also try not to change the Fa study time anymore. When I reach her house and knock on her door, if she does not open it immediately, I wait for her patiently as I think of the fact that she may be doing something at that moment so it was inconvenient for her to open the door immediately.
Master’s Fa kept reminding me all the time. Now, if there's any conflict between Anna and I, I will look within unconditionally and abide by Master’s request to correct myself. Gradually, the gap between Anna and I diminished and we are able to study the Fa and calmly exchange cultivation thoughts again. Thank you Master for your benevolent salvation.
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
