(Minghui.org) It took me days to finish writing this sharing, a task that seemed harder than anything I’ve ever done. As a professional writer, typing out words is easy for me, but an experience sharing article about my cultivation took a great deal of effort. That is because I have not cultivated well.
My Cultivation Journey in a Nutshell
At the age of 22, I had just graduated from college and moved from Shandong Province to Henan Province to get married. I used to be deceived by the CCP’s lies defaming Falun Dafa, but through my in-laws, I learned that Falun Dafa is great.
In the past when I was studying for my college entrance exam, a new subject called “basic ability” was introduced. Practice problems included topics that slandered Falun Dafa, and students who were preparing for the exam, including myself, were brainwashed by the CCP’s lies.
In college, my grades were excellent and I joined the CCP, which I felt good about since many of my classmates were not able to join, even with bribes.
It was not until after I got married that I finally saw the true nature of the CCP and I purged its poison from my mind. My in-laws told me about the persecution and taught me the way of Falun Dafa cultivation.
My father-in-law said I'd grown up in the poison of the CCP’s lies, which was correct, because at first I would get upset if my in-laws said anything bad about the CCP. I grew up learning the CCP’s culture, and my parents were atheists. Nevertheless, I read through Zhuan Falun, the main text of Falun Dafa. This book cleared up many questions for me, and I’ve been on the path of cultivation ever since.
Ten years have passed, and during that time, I took care of our child, did farm work in the fields, and did writing as a part time job. The only people I interacted with daily were my father-in-law, our child, and my husband.
My father-in-law is a devoted Falun Dafa cultivator, so the only other person who could help me improve my xinxing was my husband. As an alcoholic, he had a bad temper and often said hurtful things.
I knew that I was a cultivator, so most of the time, I would not talk back. Even though I was unhappy, I was able to keep quiet when he spoke harshly. I thought I was cultivating well, and that my xinxing was quite high.
It was not until I started working outside of the home this year that I realized my cultivation was not as solid as I thought. At first, I was able to use the Fa principles as guidance, but only a month later, I sank deeply into ordinary people’s schemes of fighting for personal gain. It was agonizing!
My Insight into Cultivation
I used to be sensitive, indecisive, and insecure.
In college, I envied those who had faith. Seeing others praying to their gods, I also wanted to have a faith of my own and live my life by following righteous teachings. This was something I constantly sought before I got married.
My sister lived across the street from a big church. In the summertime when I visited her, I would listen to the church services, but I could not understand anything they said. At school, I did not know what kind of person I wanted to be, but I tried to be a good student so that I could get a good scholarship and financial grants, and at the same time, I was worried about how others would see me. Many things worried me. When I was 22, I found a small cyst on my left breast. I got married right after graduating from college, and I was soon pregnant. The cyst on my breast grew rapidly, and the doctor told me it had to be removed, so I had surgery.
I later learned from studying the Fa that all the pain and illness one encounters is caused by karma. I came to realize that Master Li Hongzhi (the founder of Falun Dafa) can cleanse a true cultivator’s body.
For the next five years, I believed in Master and the Fa, and I did not take any medication, but it often took me a long time to endure bouts of sickness karma. I was not sure if I was cultivating well or if I had poor enlightenment quality.
After I started studying the Fa and doing the exercises regularly, I had stomach pain and diarrhea that lasted for about a year. My eyes and head hurt for almost five years. My eyes itched for three months at a time, on and off, for three years. I had a fever that lasted for two days just a few days ago.
When tribulations came frequently and my xinxing was at a low level, my faith became unsteady. I did not want to endure the pain and wanted to take medication. However, several times I reminded myself that I could not allow myself to be like an ordinary person. I recently had a fever, and my husband pushed me to take medication, so I did. The fever went away, but it returned a couple of days later. I then realized that I must endure my own karma, and I decided not to yield to my husband no matter what he might do to me. In the end, it turned out that he didn’t even attempt to convince me, and I recovered after resting for two days.
I believe that cultivators do not have sickness, and the pain and the discomfort are all tribulations that need to be passed. Each episode of suffering that I endure is to eliminate karma. The more I endure, the better. Although I have much karma, my predestined relationship with Dafa runs deep, and my husband and father-in-law said that I married into their family to obtain the Fa.
I’m a college graduate, and my husband only finished junior high school. We met online. I gave up everything to move faraway to Henan Province to marry him. Why? I went there for the Fa! At the time, my mother-in-law was bedridden and they were poor, but it was a good cultivation environment for me, and I was extremely fortunate to be on the path of cultivation when I was only in my 20’s.
Letting Go of the Desire for Money
When I was still a housewife, I often reminded myself that a cultivator should let nature take its course, especially on matters of money. You will have what you are supposed to have, but you should not fight for what you don’t have.
Master Li taught us:
“Since you practice cultivation while working in ordinary human society, it doesn’t matter how much money you have, but it only matters if your attachment to money and wealth isn’t removed.” (“Fa Teaching Given in New York City” in Teachings at Conferences in the United States)
However, since I started working a regular job outside of my home last February, my desire for money got stronger. I’m now becoming the financial pillar of our family, and it’s my responsibility to bring more money home. I was greatly affected by the ordinary people around me, my xinxing level went down and I wanted to be recognized and live a good life. I didn’t want to endure hardship and I was afraid of living in poverty.
Too much of the desire for money will make us forget about the Fa and sink into the struggle for fame and fortune. Luckily, I was able to catch myself in time and I recognized that I needed to spend more time on studying the Fa to eliminate those attachments.
My Strong Fear
I’ve been a timid person since childhood. In my childhood, anything that can potentially cause harm would scare me, and I was afraid of doing many things that other children of my age would normally do. This affected me even after I grew up. For instance, I have a driver's license, but because I’m afraid of getting into a car accident, I would avoid driving as much as I can. If I have to drive, I would get nervous as soon as I started driving.
The same goes for cultivation. Other practitioners would share how they went out to clarify the truth, but I could not bring myself to go out in public like they did. I have a printer at home, but I did not dare to use it to print Falun Dafa pamphlets for fear of being persecuted.
In everyday life, my timid personality would show itself in every aspect. I know about this attachment, but it is hard for me to get rid of it. The reason is that I didn’t cultivate diligently enough.
I have many other attachments, such as attachments to fame, personal gain, and sentimentality. When I had just started practicing Falun Dafa, I was quite excited. Whenever my father came to visit, I would be overjoyed. I told myself that it was sentimentality, and I needed to get rid of it. In similar situations, I would reflect and tell myself to let go of these attachments. As a result, I could not stand watching TV dramas, as they are all about ordinary people’s sentimentality, and I would turn the TV off as soon as I saw them.
However, I’ve been slacking off recently, as I did not reflect on the things I did and I even got addicted to watching TV dramas. The word addiction, as I was writing it, made me aware of my many attachments. I should no longer allow them to stop me from practicing cultivation.
I realize, more and more, that cultivation is really difficult for me and eliminating attachments is very painful. Many times, the principles were clear to me, but I could not do well. I will keep reminding myself to understand the things based on the Fa, instead of using ordinary people’s thinking, improve my xinxing and walk well on the path towards consummation.
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Category: Improving Oneself
