(Minghui.org) An elderly practitioner came to my home a few days ago and quietly handed my mother a Solemn Declaration (to resume practicing Falun Dafa). She said that she was sentenced to probation, and she only got out of prison after she agreed to be transformed by the prison guards. She is now in poor health and needs a caregiver. After telling us all this, she quickly left.
This caused me to think about our local situation. We’ve lost many practitioners. Some were quite diligent and never missed Fa study or skipped practicing the exercises. Some were not afraid to distribute truth clarification materials, while others helped dozens of people a day to quit the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) and its affiliated organizations. However, they were sentenced to prison, or forced to “transform.” Some practitioners have died.
There are few practitioners in our area, and now some are gone. We are all steadfast Falun Dafa practitioners and are not afraid of hardship. So what went wrong?
After constant self-reflection and intensified Fa study, I discovered that we are not practicing actual cultivation according to the Fa’s standards. We have been going around in circles, experiencing many problems and suffering persecution to differing degrees.
Take me as an example: My teeth have been hurting for more than a year, and four of them had to be removed; my hair is falling out, and I’ve gained a lot of weight. I looked inward many times and found some attachments, but none of them addressed the root cause.
In my understanding, Master installed thousands of mechanisms in us, and there must be some that can repair our bodies. I have been clinging to the thought that Master Li (Dafa’s founder) would help me grow new teeth. I’ve been terrified of going to the dentist since childhood and would rather not eat due to missing teeth than go to see one.
It wasn’t until I quit my job this year and spent two months at home intensely reading the teachings that I finally saw some of my problems.
Cultivation of Speech
Take my teeth for example. I found my attachment when I read in Zhuan Falun of what Master said about the cultivation of speech. I’m also fond of food, but have I actually let go of this attachment? The answer is no, not even a bit.
Another example is that I did not like someone. I did not say he was bad, and I did not join others when they talked about him, but I felt good when people criticized him. Whenever I thought of this person, I immediately thought: He is not good. My resentment and jealousy still existed, as well as my notion about him. This is what I mean by failing to practice actual cultivation.
Another example is that I felt I was justified when I lost my temper because Master said that children should be brought up strictly. In actuality, however, I wanted to vent rather than guide my children.
In addition, I sometimes liked to say something smart, thinking I could improve interpersonal relationships between people. I felt I had a good sense of humor and a wealth of knowledge and talent. In fact, I was just showing off.
Each time I identified one of my attachments related to the cultivation of speech, I could see through my celestial eye that a bad substance was removed from my teeth. Sometimes it was a nest of red ants or poisonous snakes.
The Importance of Practicing the Exercises
Another major problem I had was I did not want to do the exercises. I did not pay much attention to them because I began practicing in my early twenties. I was in good health and did not start the practice because I had illnesses. So when I had time, I just focused on studying the Fa.
When I asked myself if I ignored the exercises, was I actually cultivating? The answer was no. How could I claim I was cultivating when this problem has gone on for more than 10 years? I would not have been so reluctant to do the exercises if I practiced actual cultivation. I obviously had an attachment to laziness, but I kept covering it up with one excuse or another.
I was determined to remove this attachment. I woke in time to do them, but I felt sleepy and tired and wanted to lay back down. I remembered my realizations about practicing actual cultivation, so I got up with great difficulty and did the exercises.
I kept yawning while I did the second exercise. My arms shook and tears flowed down my face. I wanted to put my hands down so badly. A voice in my head said, “I just had my teeth pulled and haven’t eaten anything. I’m still weak. I can do the exercises later.”
I was tempted many times by this voice. Whenever I went along with it, I went back to sleep. With a full-time job and two children to take care of, I had no time during the day to do the exercises.
When my thought of actual cultivation encouraged me to continue, I felt a net that had been wrapped around my body was broken and, in that moment, something left the depths of my being. I felt energy flowing throughout my body, and I finished the exercises smoothly.
Conflicts Expose My Attachments
After I discovered the issue of whether I did actual cultivation, I realized Master arranged for our attachments to be clearly reflected in the people around us. For example, my daughter is very rebellious, strong-willed, and jealous, so I often felt distressed while trying to help her.
Master said the cultivation state of children is often a reflection of their parents’ cultivation state. I didn’t feel I was rebellious until I dreamed one night that I had a fight with my former boss. I understood that I still had a strong attachment to competitiveness. I realized I was just as egotistical as my daughter.
I often had trouble getting along with that boss and felt indignant: I thought that he was really too overbearing. My colleagues also hated him and almost everyone had been bullied into tears by him. I was convinced I did nothing wrong and whatever happened was all his fault. I forgot to look inward and practice actual cultivation.
I tried to improve my relationship with my boss and was determined to do so, but as soon as I was bullied by him, I fought back. When I recalled the way I handled the situation, I realized that without the determination and foundation of actual cultivation practice, of course, one cannot pass the test.
My son is well-behaved and obedient, but he is spoiled and afraid of hardship. I realized that this is also a reflection of my desire for comfort. I noticed he prefers to study subjects he is good at and avoids the ones he finds challenging. I do the same in my cultivation practice - I tend to do what I am good at and avoid whatever I feel is too hard.
How many of us will be hanging onto our shortcomings until the day the Fa rectifies the human world? Do we want Master to resolve everything for us at that moment? During the interim, we pick and choose what we want to cultivate and avoid having to suffer and improve ourselves.
I realized I was subconsciously doing this. I only recently discovered my obvious misconception of the Fa-rectification period cultivation practice.
My mother and I often argued over small things, but we always stopped quickly because we knew we shouldn’t fight. However, is avoiding conflict good enough for cultivation? Not really. Every time we had an argument, I thought, “I will not bring this up again.” In our busy lives, it’s easy to forget to look inward.
She often shows her dissatisfaction with the things I buy for her. So I would think, “After spending money and not getting the appreciation I deserve, I won’t buy you anything.”
After I resolved to practice actual cultivation, I realized our previous quarrels were actually very trivial because we both were looking at the matter from our respective points of view. When I put myself in her shoes, I truly appreciated all the help she has given me. It was hard for her to care for my children and buy things for them.
After I changed my perspective, I bought her a small gift, and she thanked me for the first time.
My husband is a nice person. He has a decent job and is good to his family and children. He also knows Falun Dafa is good. However, I have always felt a sense of superiority over him because he came from a rural family, and my family background is much better than his.
When I asked myself if I practiced actual cultivation in my relationship with my husband, the answer was again no. Besides treating him with the same dominance and harshness, I was also a little indifferent toward him.
My mother-in-law treated me badly while I recuperated from giving birth, so I resented her and despised her family although I didn’t say it. I only occasionally took the children to see them. I usually just ate and then left. This situation went on for several years.
Have I practiced actual cultivation on the issue with my mother-in-law and family? No. My attitude was: You didn’t help me, so I don’t care about you.
After I was determined to actually cultivate, I noticed a man going through the garbage looking for cardboard boxes. When he found a few, he happily folded them together. I was filled with pity for him: Poor man! He may have once been a great god. Now, he is happy just to find these boxes in the garbage that he can sell for one yuan.
I thought of my in-laws, my husband, and his sisters, all of whom have a great predestined relationship with Dafa. But they have experienced so much misfortune and selfishness in this lifetime. How pitiful!
After I completely let go of my resentment, I found myself thinking about them a lot: “What needs to be replaced in my mother-in-law’s house? I should help them. The Mid-Autumn Festival is coming, I should do something for them.”
My relationship with my husband has also improved, and I started to respect him. During one family dinner crabs were served, and he picked the biggest one for himself. If this happened before, I would have said something sarcastic, but this time I was filled with compassion and felt he deserved to eat the biggest one.
Master Li said,
“Rest momentarily for self-reflection, add righteous thoughts...”(“Be Rational, Awaken,” Hong Yin II)
I feel this poem, including the title, shows us Master’s requirements for practitioners’ state of cultivation. Time flies, life is busy, and temptations abound. However, we must not forget to look inward.
Recently, while doing the exercises, I suddenly understood a passage of the Fa about Zen Buddhism digging into a bull’s horn as mentioned in Zhuan Falun. If we don’t practice actual cultivation based on the Fa and don’t hold ourselves to the Fa’s standard, we are only practicing within a boundary drawn by ourselves and cultivating into a bull’s horn.
Why do we not have the joy we once had when we began to practice cultivation? Because we have reached the tip of the bull’s horn. The tests are intensifying, and it is getting harder and harder to cultivate because our attachments are being exposed. I decided I should write this article to encourage others to practice actual cultivation.
This concludes my limited understanding. Please point out anything improper.
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Category: Improving Oneself
