(Minghui.org) I followed my parents to practice Falun Dafa while I was still in middle school in China in 1996. I did not comprehend what cultivation meant at the time. I only knew Dafa teaches people to improve themselves, and I saw the positive changes in my mother’s health. My parents and I would go to a group practice site in a park in the morning and head to a practitioner’s house in the evenings to study the Fa and watch video of Master’s lectures. I felt very fortunate during that period of time. My mother would often remind me, “You have to thank Master for obtaining Dafa. You are truly blessed!”
Due to a lack of Fa study, I was unable to recognize many of my attachments when the persecution started in 1999. I chose to persist in studying the Fa, but no one, except my parents, understood my decision. My mother was illegally arrested at one point, so I felt lost and upset.
Breaking Away from Dafa and Allowing Attachments to Surface
I began to focus on my ordinary life and academics as I grew older. My human attachments led me to think that I had no time to cultivate, and they also made me disregard the importance of studying the Fa. I started to think, “As long as I have Dafa in my heart, I can be a better person.” I did not understand why Master always reminds us to study the Fa and read Dafa lectures. I now know it is so we can always have Dafa in our hearts and adhere to the principles of Dafa.
An opportunity arose for me to study abroad after I graduated from university, and I met my husband in the United States. I was still studying Zhuan Falun, the main text of Falun Dafa, during my spare time and even took my husband to see Shen Yun. But after getting married, I began to focus more on my studies and family. Life after marriage did not go so smoothly and I started to neglect Fa study.
My parents were able to come to the United States to help me with child care after I gave birth to my son eight years ago. I managed to find local practitioners so my parents could still participate in weekly group Fa study sessions. I felt I was unable to join the group Fa study because my son was still little and I was quite busy. I retained the local practitioners’ contact information after my parents went back to China.
The pressure in my life, conflicts at work and troubles I encountered while raising my son made me physically and mentally exhausted. I attempted to discuss these issues with my husband, but it was always in vain. I began to harbor resentment toward him and it reached a climax during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown in 2020. My husband and I were both adamant about our perspectives and neither one of us would give in. I started to intentionally ignore my husband, and he said many times that he would file for divorce because of my resentment and my attachment of fearing difficulty. I thought that this might be karmic retribution and I should not quarrel with him. But it was still hard for me to let go of my attachments and I was very angry with him.
I started to ask myself what I truly wanted in life. I realized that all the principles in the human world are reversed and this world is horrible. I do not want to go along with the big dye vat of human society. But who could save me from all this? I began to reflect on my mistakes and shortcomings. I realized that I always was extreme in the way I did things, and I blamed others and never stood in other people’s shoes. I was so upset with my husband one time after we quarreled that I could not sleep. I started to read several of Master’s lectures online. Each word and every sentence was directed at my mistakes. I felt remorseful and felt truly regretful to my true origin. But at the same time, I also saw hope. I thought, “How much worse can I get?” I decided to give cultivation another try.
Returning to Cultivation
I knew my son came for the Fa, but how could I guide him to be on the Fa if I was not a cultivator? I picked up Zhuan Falun again but it was hard for me to read it without being interfered with. I decided to take my son to watch Shen Yun in September 2021. It was the first time he saw Shen Yun and he said he wanted to watch Shen Yun with his father the next time.
After coming home from watching Shen Yun, I entered into a state where emotions no longer controlled me. I felt that I no longer had the emotions of happiness, anger, sorrow and joy. I thought that perhaps Master had arranged for me to cultivate again, so he had blocked all the negative factors that were hindering me from doing so.
When I saw an advertisement for Shen Yun a couple months later, I decided to take my family and a couple of friends to see Shen Yun at the end of January 2022.
I managed to get in contact with a local practitioner to purchase Shen Yun tickets. When the practitioner came to deliver the tickets, we chatted for a long time. I told her about my past experiences, the conflicts I had with my husband and my hope to return to cultivation. She said, “For you and your husband to become a family in this lifetime, you must have had a great deal of predestined relationships in the past. Master has already arranged your cultivation path.” I started to attend group Fa study sessions, and my husband was supportive and kind since he is not from a communist country.
Many things changed for the better after I started cultivating Dafa again. My son became more obedient and my husband also changed. My son had been very attached to me and always needed me to put him to bed. I had the thought, “How can I study the Fa like this?” But when I needed to study the Fa, my son would not be attached to me and could go to sleep by himself. After a period of time, I thought I needed to study the Fa for a longer time. The night that I had that thought, a practitioner invited me to attend a small group Fa study. I then thought, “I need to practice the exercises now. What should I do now that I have not done the exercises for such a long time?” Before I could seek out any practitioners’ help, I was invited to a practitioner’s house so that she could correct my movements. I thought this was a miracle. It seemed like practitioners knew exactly what I was thinking.
When I wavered about whether or not I should purchase a set of Master’s lecture books, a practitioner lent me her set of Dafa books. I took two weeks of leave to read Master’s lecture books and return the books to the practitioner. After flipping open each of Master’s lecture books, I felt as if I’d entered into a whole new world. I decided to purchase a set of books when I was halfway through reading. I was able to quickly finish all of the lecture books and understood what a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple truly means. So I could learn and recognize traditional Chinese characters better, I began to hand copy Zhuan Falun. I was able to read the whole book fluently and better understand the Fa principles after hand copying Zhuan Falun up to Lecture Two.
I started to think it was time for me to guide my son to study the Fa. It proved challenging for me because my son does not know how to speak Chinese. A practitioner was able to get in contact with another young practitioner who could study the Fa with my son in English. I also persisted in studying the Fa with my son. He was unable to sit still in the beginning and was not reading attentively, and he would rebel if I corrected him. I knew this was to test my patience and I should not get upset with him. I patiently told him how precious Dafa is and within a couple of weeks, I saw a difference in him. He was able to study the Fa wholeheartedly, and not move around or talk as much. My son and I attended an in-person Fa study group every Sunday morning. He could read one paragraph of the Fa fluently in English when it was his turn. I also took him to a two-week summer camp session during the summer of 2022 in Middletown, New York. My son enjoyed practicing the exercises with other children at the summer camp.
It started to rain after I got back from a Sunday morning practice group. My stomach was not feeling good and I was getting ready to rest for a bit since I hadn’t had breakfast. My husband came up the stairs looking unhappy. He told me he needed a table from the garage. I asked him, “Do you need it right away or can you wait until after I have my breakfast?” My husband told me that he needed it right away. I said, “It is raining outside right now. Can’t you wait?” He got angry and walked down the stairs himself. My husband has pain in his legs and I knew it wasn’t convenient for him to walk up and down the stairs. I was puzzled and did not know why he insisted on bringing the table upstairs at that moment. I suddenly realized, “Isn’t this an opportunity for me to upgrade my xinxing?” I apologized to him and carried the table upstairs. I reminded myself not to get into an argument with him because he was helping me eliminate karma. I should thank him instead. When I was able to take it lightly and not be moved, the rain stopped and my stomach felt better. In the past, we would have been fighting over who’s right and wrong.
Conclusion
I am able to follow the course of nature with constant Fa study. I am calmer and have learned to look inward and think of others. I also experienced physical changes in my body. My life and work has became smoother and I am more steadfast in my belief in Dafa. Perhaps this is what Master once said,
“...getting things naturally without trying to get them.” (Lecture Given at the Conference in Sydney)
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