(Minghui.org) My mother-in-law has five sons and one daughter. Among the children, my husband is the eldest. At age 84, she became incapacitated. All her sons were very busy at work. We hired a person to take care of her, but this person quit after two years. Her condition deteriorated and she needed someone to look after her at night.
In consideration of all circumstances, it seemed that my family was best situated to take care of my mother-in-law. I agreed to do it. I also hired my sister to help me.
Taking Care of My Mother-in-law
When my mother-in-law first came to my house, she couldn’t sit still. She always fell to the right when she got up. I told her to turn her body toward the left to avoid the fall, but I then realized that she could not control herself at all. It was not her fault. I should not ask her to follow my way. I immediately corrected my attitude and helped her as much as possible in accordance with her situation.
When my mother-in-law wanted to go to the bathroom, I helped her sit on the toilet, closed the door, and waited for her call outside the bathroom. One day, I waited outside and heard a noise. As I opened the door, she had fallen on the floor. Her left eyebrow and upper face were red and swollen. Since that incident, I always left the door open.
I felt at first that it was filthy to help her defecate and clean her up. But I then realized that being afraid of filth was actually a human notion of selfishness, which does not meet the standards of Dafa. Gradually, that attachment became a lot lighter.
One time, my younger sister, who is also a Dafa practitioner, commented that I was not kind to my mother-in-law, upon seeing how I helped her. I was a little surprised because I had never had any bad thoughts about caring for her, but I didn’t argue with my sister. I was sure that something might have gone wrong.
I looked inwards and sure enough, I found something. I was helping her based on how I could do it easily, without considering her needs. My selfishness was reflected in my behavior.
My sister-in-law came to visit her mother one year later. She was very considerate. She proactively offered to take care of her mother and did all the housework. Naturally, I took the initiative to help her.
My sister-in-law often commented that her mother didn’t do this or that right. In her perspective, that was for the goodness of her mother, but my mother-in-law did not look at it that way.
My mother-in-law complained to her daughter and said, “You have taken care of me for only a few days and started to complain. Look at your sister-in-law (referring to me). She has looked after me for a long time without saying a word. Her sister also does not complain when cleaning my pants. If it weren’t for these two sisters, I wouldn’t have stayed here for so long.”
I also helped my mother-in-law take a regular bath, even when my hands were injured. Every time I washed her, she was moody and would say something to bless me. I always said, “I wouldn’t be able to do this so well if I were not a Dafa practitioner. We should thank Master, the founder of Falun Dafa.”
My mother-in-law occasionally woke up at night and needed to use the bathroom. Because of my work schedule, I had to stay at my workplace overnight one or two days every week. For the nights I was not at home, my husband would have to take my mother-in-law to the bathroom. He was often very impatient at being woken up from sleep. He would even become angry if my mother-in-law just sat on the toilet without successfully urinating or defecating. I always tried to remind him to be understanding of his mother’s condition.
My mother-in-law struggled with poor memory. She often forgot if she had eaten. She rang the bell unintentionally from time to time in the small hours of the night. When asked the reason for the bellringing, she might say that she had not eaten anything yet. After a few times, I stopped telling her that she had eaten already, but would prepare some food for her if she rang the bell again.
Around 2 a.m. one night, she kept ringing the bell. Not knowing what was going on, I quickly got up and rushed to her room. I forgot that my door was closed and slammed my head against the door. As I got to her bed, there was nothing urgent. I was not mad and just told her that I was sorry that I came late.
One thing I tried not to do for my mother-in-law was suctioning the mucus out of her throat. But it was inevitable when I was with her alone. I later thought that I could not treat this task with such disdain. I thus reminded myself to remove this attachment and help her unconditionally.
In the months before her passing, my mother-in-law had to get up to use the restroom almost every night. For a few days in a row, I went to work around 6:30 a.m. and got home around 8 p.m. After a long day of work, I still had to spend a few hours caring for her. I couldn’t go to bed until midnight after sending forth righteous thoughts. Then I had to get up at 4 a.m. the next day. I really felt dead tired during that period, but I dealt with it with a mentality of pleasure every time I thought of the Fa and the suffering Master has endured for me. My husband was very moved and urged me to take breaks.
Of course, without the help of my younger sister, I couldn’t have been able to handle everything.
A Big Shoutout to My Sister
In the beginning, my husband disagreed with me about hiring my younger sister to help take care of my mother-in-law. Like me, my sister is also a Dafa practitioner. She knew about my husband’s bad temper and she did not want to take this job at first. She was not in need of money, but after my repeatedly asking, she finally agreed in order to help me.
At first, my husband often said things to annoy my sister. Sometimes, he treated her like a servant and ordered her to do this or that. Once, he criticized my sister and embarrassed her in front of my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. I saw tears in her eyes several times, causing me to chastise my husband.
My sister later shared with me, “I would definitely have left here if it were not for Dafa. Now I will treat it as a cultivation opportunity and remove all human notions that do not meet Dafa's standards.”
My mother-in-law would experience excessive phlegm, headache, or a bloated stomach whenever the weather changed. She did not have the energy to spit or cough up the phlegm. On one occasion, the excessive amount of phlegm almost choked her, making her face look horrible. My sister quickly picked it out with her fingers without any feeling of disgust. After my sister did this a few more times, my husband was moved by her kindness and changed his attitude toward her.
I helped my sister take care of my mother-in-law whenever I was at home, but she always took the lead to do it. Seeing how carefully my sister took care of my mother-in-law, I was deeply moved. She helped my mother-in-law get up like helping a child, kindly helping her put on her clothes and combing her hair. She washed her face meticulously and thoughtfully. When my mother-in-law soiled her trousers with urine or feces, my sister would quickly change her clothes and wash them. On some occasions, the feces got on her sleeve, but my sister never complained.
Usually, my sister paid close attention to the food for my mother-in-law. She was always easygoing and ate whatever my mother-in-law left. If there were leftover dishes, she often saved the most delicious ones for our next meal. We often saved delicious food for her, but she still let us have it.
During the three years she stayed at my home to care for my mother-in-law, my sister never cooked for herself. Sometimes, she only cooked noodles for herself if there was no food left after my mother-in-law ate.
My sister has played an irreplaceable role for everyone in my family. She did many things that the children of my mother-in-law could not do. Her selfless care for my mother-in-law moved my husband greatly. She even declined to take the wages for the last month before my mother-in-law passed away, saying that sisters should help each other.
When my mother-in-law died, all the other brothers were scrambling to cover the funeral costs. They did not want our family to chip in because we had done so much for her while she was alive. They even wanted us to have a bigger share of the money she left. But we insisted on equal shares. My cousin expressed her condolences and said, “Your mother-in-law was blessed. She had you and your sister to take care of her. She slept well and ate well before she left us. Her last years were really the best they could be, at her old age.”
In dealing with the possessions of my mother-in-law after the funeral, my husband offered the same equal share of the money to my sister, and all of his brothers and sister also agreed. His four brothers, who often had no time to look after their mother, privately bought precious jewelry for my sister to express their gratitude. As for me, the eldest sister-in-law, they also gave me money in different ways. My sister-in-law also bought clothes for me and my younger sister from time to time.
Compared with those families who fight with each other over taking care of the elderly, we are very fortunate. I am grateful to Master and Dafa! We will follow Dafa’s teachings and be good people in any environment.
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