(Minghui.org) After Minghui.org published the call for submissions to celebrate World Falun Dafa Day 2023, I shared thoughts with my local senior practitioners, hoping that everyone could share their experiences of how they have benefited from Dafa and thank Master Li (Dafa’s founder).
A few days later, the senior practitioners wrote down how they have benefited from Dafa and their cultivation experiences. I was reading Master’s lectures in different regions at home when I heard someone knocking on my door. I saw that it was one of the senior practitioners. I quickly let her in.
She took out the article she'd written and asked me to help her tidy it up and submit it to Minghui.org. She said she did not know how to write some things, that she didn't know how to use some words, and that she didn’t write it well. I replied that it would be okay as long as she wrote it.
I looked at it and realized that it was rather messy. It even had half sentences that did not fully express the meanings. Seeing that, I told her not to leave. I asked her to let me type it up and then I could check it with her before tidying it up. She agreed.
I then rushed to look through the article and she kept saying that she did not write it well. As I listened, I typed the words. As I continued to type, I could not help but keep sighing. I became frustrated and said, “You are here to help me improve my xinxing.” She smiled.
I started to have thoughts. As I read through the article and looked at my computer, I kept saying that, in the past when I typed out articles, I just had to correct a few words here and there, or the practitioner would have typed it out and I would only need to submit it to Minghui.org. I was starting to get frustrated.
I knew that there was something wrong with me, and I knew that I had to look within. However, I just got stuck. I told myself that no matter what, I should type out the words first. I continued typing. As I typed, I asked her questions like, "What is this about? What does this mean? This part does not seem to have been expressed clearly." I then started to complain about areas not being written clearly, and I started to feel resentful. When I looked further into the content of the article, I even went on to say, “Why didn’t you do this or that at the time?”
I finally managed to type out two cultivation-sharing articles from her text painstakingly. I asked her why she did not title her articles. She said she didn’t know what title to give them.
I asked, “Have you seen any articles on Minghui.org that did not come with a title? We can’t just send an article like that.” She said, “Yes, I know that, but I didn’t know what title to use.” I then helped her choose a title and got her consent.
The articles were now typed and had titles. I started to calm down, but I still sounded frustrated and unkind.
After typing the articles, I chatted with her for a while. During the process, I kept blaming her, asking her why she did not do this or that. I also told her how I understood the problems based on my understanding of the Fa, and I even got her to read cultivation experience sharing articles from the other practitioners. She said that she did not know what was wrong with her that she could not express her feelings.
After she left, I started to search within myself to find the loopholes in my xinxing. Why did I behave like that? Do I treat these senior practitioners differently? I felt that I did not search thoroughly enough. I then recalled something Master said:
“You might discover that a garbage collector, if you looked back [at his previous lives], was formerly a massive god in the cosmos who, under the illusion here, and in the course of his reincarnations, has become completely lost—lost to the point that he remembers nothing. [The illusion] is such that many beings, in the course of reincarnating, are resentful about their lots in life, and know nothing about the mission that brought them here.” (“What a Dafa Disciple Is,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume XI)
I felt so ashamed of myself. I actually used the quality of the article to judge her. She could possibly be a great being who came down to cultivate, and it is such a great feat to be able to cultivate in Dafa. It is just that in this mortal world, during this reincarnation, under the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) regime, she did not have a chance to get an education. So how much each practitioner can express and how much each can write down might not be the same. Sometimes, we might be able to understand a principle that we may not be able to express in words. It is only when our xinxing has attained that level that Master will open up our wisdom. Master empowers every practitioner.
I think that the articles on Minghui.org are very good at expressing and describing the details. That is because the practitioners have cultivated to that level, or the practitioners who have some shortcomings in their cultivation are able to understand it clearly, and this helps them find their fundamental attachments. But I could not verbalize or express my cultivation experiences all this while, and I had gradually formed the habit of using the quality of the practitioners’ articles to gauge them. I also can't express myself clearly and I also feel anxious about it. But I still complained that the senior practitioner was unable to do so. Actually, only through studying the Fa and solid cultivation can our true nature be revealed.
By nightfall, I was practicing the second set of exercises when I thought about this matter. I felt that I had not looked within myself deeply enough. So I dug further in detail and discovered that I had other attachments, such as treating different people differently, looking down on others, being afraid of trouble, complaints, and ridiculing others. And when I spoke, I would often talk about myself, always trying to persuade others to agree with what I understood about the Fa principles. I would ask others to see how easy it is to understand and how clearly I have expressed my understanding to validate myself. I also have attachments, such as showing off. There are still attachments that I have yet to discover.
I started to feel really ashamed of myself. I am a cultivator, so how could I speak to the senior practitioner that way, criticizing and complaining about her? From the point of view of a cultivator, shouldn’t we be thinking of others? I really feel that I always say that I want to cultivate well but I don’t do enough solid cultivation. I always unconsciously look outwards when problems arise.
The more I thought about it, the more I felt that I was wrong. So I said to Master in my heart, “I am wrong.” Thinking over the process that the senior practitioner wrote about how she overcame her tribulations if it had been me, I would have lost my temper and fought with the everyday people. However, the senior practitioner did not do that. She treated the matter peacefully.
She asked for my help to complete her article because she did not know how to express things and describe everything in full. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that I really lacked compassion and I didn’t behave like a cultivator. She was frustrated, but to validate the Fa she still plucked up her courage to write down how she overcame her shortcomings and to express the goodness of validating the Fa. No matter how bad or well she wrote, I should encourage her, and help her fix the deficiencies in her articles in a compassionate way so that both of us could be diligent in our cultivation and improve our xinxing together. I should not let her feel embarrassed to get help from me.
Thinking this all through, tears kept welling up in my eyes. I thought that I should apologize to the senior practitioner and tell her not to feel dejected. Every practitioner that I meet has their shining strengths.
Nothing is really small in cultivation. Through these days of Fa study, I was enlightened that Master let me discover these attachments and get rid of them in time. Thank you, Master, for your arrangement.
Kindly correct me if there is any room for improvement.
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Category: Improving Oneself
