(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for 24 years and have followed the progress of Master Li's (Dafa's founder) Fa-rectification up to this day, trying my best to do the three things well. However, I had a strong attachment to suspicion and resentment toward my husband.
Resentment Towards My Husband
My husband had an affair with a woman when he was doing business out of town. I resented him very much, and although many years have passed, he hurt me and our child terribly.
The resentment I harbored for my husband accumulated in my dimensional field over the years, causing me to think very unpleasant things about him. My unpleasant thoughts were so strong that I could not change my bad attitude at times. When I did housework or studied the Fa, I would often think of what he had done. I held onto unpleasant thoughts, thinking that I would pick a fight with him later. At other times I got angry with him or felt wronged, and hoped that he would be punished, so I could let go of the resentment in my heart.
Sometimes when I called him, I would interrogate him with an angry tone, asking where he was, with whom he has gone out, what he was doing, and so on. I would speak harshly, and my bad thoughts and notions would pile up like a mountain, creating karma.
I felt bitter and tired, I couldn’t let go of my resentment for years, and I felt that my cultivation was declining. I could not keep up with my Fa study and cultivation, I knew something was wrong.
When it came to Fa study, I was more concerned about how many pages I read every day. In the group Fa study, I would often focus on reading the words correctly, or pointing out mistakes when others were reading. However, I didn’t pay much attention to reading in tranquility. In other words, studying the Fa for me was often a mere formality, and I didn’t actually obtain the Fa.
In the past one to two years, I had to live in another city to take care of my elderly mother. After I was separated from my husband, my suspicion grew stronger, suspecting him of misbehavior and resenting him for failing me.
Memorizing the Fa Helps Change My Notions, and Discern the Fake Me
Master said:
“The Fa’s rectification of the Cosmos has finished, and now a transition to the Fa’s rectification of the human world is taking place. Most of our Dafa disciples will join me as the Fa rectifies the human world.” (“Wake Up”)
I asked myself: “In my current state, can I follow Master Li [Dafa’s founder] to the time of the Fa’s rectification of the human world? Can I be considered a Dafa practitioner?” I told myself: “I can’t go on like this anymore, I will have to completely change my current attitude, study the Fa in tranquility, and do the exercises diligently.” I made up my mind to memorize the Fa again, and I recited Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafa, from cover to cover during the next four months. At the same time, I studied Master’s recent lectures. I felt that I improved the quality of my Fa study, and upgraded my xinxing.
When memorizing the Fa, I recited it word by word and checked if I met the requirements of the Fa, looked inside, and improved myself based on the Fa. For example, after studying and reciting “Transformation of Karma” in Lecture Four, I got rid of my stubborn notions and firmly believed that it was the karma I had created in my previous lives that had caused the conflicts and resentment between me and my husband.
After reciting “Your Main Consciousness Should Predominate” in Lecture Six, I understood that I should let my main consciousness predominate, instead of the karma and notions, and I should eliminate these corrupt substances with the Fa. The Fa changed me and purified me when I memorized the Fa in tranquility.
I knew from the content of the Fa that my tribulation was caused by my karma, and I shouldn’t resent my husband anymore. On the surface, he was obsessed with the human world, brainwashed by the atheistic evolutionary theory, chasing fame and fortune, and following the degeneration of society. But, in reality, it was that I had to pay my debts to eliminate my karma and let go of my attachments. All the tribulations were meant for me to cultivate.
I stopped thinking about the wrongdoings of my husband. Instead, I looked inward and realized that all my tribulations were caused by the karma I had accumulated in my previous lives. I should treat myself as a true cultivator, and eliminate karma through conflicts and pain. I should improve my thoughts, endure hardships, be tolerant, and cultivate diligently.
Whenever a bad thought popped up, I would tell myself that it was not my true self, it was thought karma, the degenerated material, imposed on me by the old forces. I would not follow that thought to think and act. Meanwhile, I would reject it, clear it and eliminate it. I would ask Master to help me, and at the same time, I would send forth more righteous thoughts to eliminate it, and the bad thought would gradually become weaker.
Once, when I was studying the Fa, an evil thought struck my mind. If it had happened in the past, I would have followed that thought, gotten angry, and lost my temper just like an ordinary person. But, this time I didn’t allow that thought to dominate me, although it was rather difficult. I thought I must cultivate myself, not admit that thought was me, and not let it pass. I need to eliminate and disintegrate it. I also asked Master to help me. When Master saw that I had righteous thoughts and really wanted to cultivate well, Master helped me eliminate the bad things. After I eliminated the bad substances, I could let go of resentment, for which I am grateful to Master.
Taking Care of My Husband and Improving My Behavior
I used to look down on my husband and pick on him, thinking he was dirty. I liked to arrange his life according to my wishes and imposed my ideas on him. Now, I follow Master’s requirements, tolerate him, not find fault with him, not criticize him, but rather understand and care about him.
After I changed, I found many good things about my husband—he is diligent and frugal, does not spend money randomly, likes to do housework, is willing to bear hardships, and much more. He’s also handy; takes care of household things at home. Therefore, now I praise and compliment him whenever there is a chance.
I take good care of my husband. This year he lost a few loose teeth. Since he couldn’t eat hard food, I would cook soft meals for him, make fruit juices, and cook what he liked to eat. I saw in his eyes, that his attitude towards me changed a lot. He takes care of our family and cares about me, and a happy smile can be seen on his face. I feel relaxed and peaceful after letting go of my resentment.
I used to find fault with my husband and made sure that he understood my feeling of displeasure. I would often criticize him and complain about him whenever I found an opportunity. This became habitual and natural. One day during a chat with him, I felt that what I said was quite normal, and I didn’t say anything to irritate him. But he yelled at me in a rage. I was confused and wondered what was wrong with him, and asked myself, “What did I say to have angered him?”
I told myself that this conflict was not accidental. I immediately stopped talking and looked inward. I asked myself, “What did I just say that made him so angry? How was my tone just now? Have I criticized him and complained about what I did not like about him?” After looking inside carefully, I found that it was really my fault. I spoke with arrogance, egotism, contempt of him, and also with the tone of teaching him a lesson. That was why he didn’t like what I said. I knew that long-term habits and notions were really hard to change.
I realized that sometimes a conflict was not caused by just one attachment but that one attachment was connected to another, and one attachment led to another. I continued to look inward and found that in addition to resentment, suspicion, and contempt for my husband, I also had a strong desire to compete, attachment to lust, jealousy, selfishness, negative thinking, human notions, and a desire to impose my ideas on him that was from the CCP [Chinese Communist Party] culture. It was impossible for me to talk with kindness when I had so many attachments. I decided that in the future, I should not say whatever I want to, I should not say anything that could hurt him, and I should say positive things, cultivate every one of my thoughts, and not slack off.
When it came to family conflicts, I tolerated my husband’s behavior, watched everything I did, aligned myself with the Fa, looked inside, and tried to find and get rid of my attachments. If I didn’t do well, I tried my best to do better the next time. Gradually, my notions and attachments became weaker, my negative thoughts got less, and my family became more harmonious. Sometimes I still had some bad thoughts, but they were very weak, and I could control myself and I knew how to cultivate myself.
After passing the family tribulations, I realized that my family was one of the environments for my cultivation. If my husband hadn’t created conflicts, I couldn’t have realized that I still had so many notions and attachments. And I couldn’t have let go of my attachments and improved myself. After solving my problems, I thanked my husband from the bottom of my heart for helping me improve. At the same time, I understood Master’s teaching that looking inward was the magic tool, and the Fa principle of having “...gained four ways in one shot.” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
Add Righteous Thoughts for My Husband
While cleaning up my dimensional field, I also eliminated the evil factors, the evil spirits of communism, rotten ghosts, and lust behind my husband. Meanwhile, I would add righteous thoughts toward him and put “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” into his heart. He was a valuable life who could be saved. Master said many times that most of the people in the world were reincarnated higher beings, who came to obtain the Fa on behalf of all beings in his/her cosmos, to reshape their bodies and return to their heavenly kingdoms. I thought to myself that if I couldn’t even save my husband, how could I fulfill my vow? I had to do my best to save him.
I aligned myself with the Fa, restrained my words and deeds, cultivated each thought, and didn’t slack off. Seeing the changes in me, my husband said happily, “It’s great that you follow the principle of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.” I said, “Falun Dafa has changed me.”
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Category: Improving Oneself
