(Minghui.org) When I reflected on my cultivation path, I felt that I had only been going through the motions for the first 20 years. Even though I never stopped studying the Fa, or doing the exercises, my xinxing improvement was very slow.
I had been arrested twice, and was imprisoned for 10 years. Especially the second time I was imprisoned, I couldn’t find my loopholes. Through continuous Fa-study, reading others’ sharing articles, and Master’s hints, only then did I come to understand how to cultivate and the seriousness of cultivation. I didn’t know how to look inward to cultivate myself, and treated doing things as cultivation. After I came to understand this, I made up my mind to hold myself strictly to the Fa’s requirements in my every thought and action, using a practitioner’s mindset to do the things that I was supposed to do.
Studying the Fa Attentively
I used to go through the motions in my Fa-study and read very fast. I could read one lecture in an hour, just to finish the task. I didn’t hold myself to the requirements of the Fa in my daily life, and made a lot of mistakes, which all came down to the fact that I had loopholes in my cultivation.
In a dream, I treated a public place as a toilet. I felt quite at ease despite people passing by. There have been quite a few dreams like that. But I couldn’t enlighten to it. When I shared my dream with a practitioner, she said, “You didn’t feel shame in your dream, that means you don’t know how to cultivate yourself.”
That’s when I realized I wasn’t solid in my cultivation. From then on, I began to read the Fa word by word. I also managed to recite Zhuan Falun, Hong Yin, Hong Yin II and III.
Eliminating Lust
My attachment to lust had gotten the better of me. I knew I was wrong, but I couldn’t snap out of it. At one point, when I was feeling especially aggrieved by this, I knelt down in front of Master’s portrait to ask Him for help. I felt that I really must make the breakthrough.
I ran into Ms. Jin, who was illiterate. What she said really helped me: “Any thought that doesn’t comply with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, we should discard it.” I should cultivate my every thought, and discard those that are unrighteous. From then on, I tried to seize every bad thought in my day-to-day life and eliminate it.
As to my attachment to lust, no matter how it appeared, I seized it immediately. For instance, one time, I was in a park, and a few people were walking toward me. Suddenly, I thought that one of the men seemed like he had a good temperament. I realized this was my lust, and I should eliminate it. There were other times where I thought a man’s voice was charming, or some lust related matters that I came across popped up in my mind. I immediately seized them, and said, “You played tricks on me. Since you came, I’ll have you eliminated.”
Once when I thought that a woman’s purse was nice. However, I immediately realized this boiled down to my attachment to self-interest. I shouldn’t keep it, and should eliminate it. Gradually these kinds of thoughts became fewer and fewer.
Over time, my attachment to lust occasionally changed its form to affect me, but only slightly. No matter how weak it was, I didn’t let it go, and completely eliminated it. Sometimes I have tests in my dreams. My righteous thoughts weren’t as strong as during the daytime, which meant I needed to be even more vigilant. With my lust subsiding, the interference in my day-to-day life went down to close to zero.
Eliminating Jealousy
I had a strong attachment to jealousy. When seeing other people’s children behaving better than mine, I didn’t feel comfortable. At work, seeing someone who was in the same role as me get better pay, made me bitter. When seeing my relatives wearing brand-name clothes and living a comfortable life, I didn’t even want to look at them. I knew this was my jealousy, and I should eliminate it.
Master said,
“Jealousy is a serious problem since it directly bears on whether a person can achieve spiritual perfection. If you can’t rid yourself of jealousy it will undermine all of the work you have done on your character. There is a rule: anyone who doesn’t free himself of jealousy while practicing cannot attain true divine standing. No exceptions.” (The Seventh Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I began to think from the Fa’s perspective, and thought: Everyone has his or her own fate. For people to be excellent, to eat well and dress nicely, comes from their virtue accumulated from previous lifetimes. What ordinary people are attached to is exactly what we need to let go of, so how could I still be moved by them?
Every time jealousy popped up, I’d think I didn’t want it. I kept thinking that way. Sometimes jealousy still surfaced, making me feel unwell. Even though I couldn’t suppress it, I thought: “you wanted to have me feel bad, then I’ll eliminate you.” The more uncomfortable I felt, the more I wanted to eliminate it.
When Master Li (Dafa’s founder) saw I was trying hard to cultivate myself, He helped me remove the bad substance from other dimensions. Now I feel much better, and I’m not affected by other people any more.
I also realized that jealousy didn’t exist by itself, and behind it there were other attachments to fame, self-interest, and comfort mixed in. Thus, every time I tried to eliminate jealousy, I’d think to eliminate every attachment behind it. I wanted to get rid of this human layer, as the true me is pure and complies with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
Sometimes, when I slacked off in Fa study, I’d feel depressed. I lost my job and led a difficult life. I was always on a tight budget, and worried about the future. Whereas my colleagues and old classmates led much easier lives than me. They all had grandchildren, while I had none, as my son was still single. My relatives complained to me about it and other people looked down on us. How could my life be so difficult?
Since I slacked off in Fa-study, my attachments flared up. After I calmed down, I thought: Every one has his or her own fate; everything has its arrangement. Ordinary people have their paths, whereas practitioners walk on the path of returning to our original true selves. For ordinary people, good fortune is something that can delude people, make them pursue material things and enjoyment, and make them forget about their true purpose in life. For ordinary people to get lost in society and not be able to return home is most dangerous. Therefore, we have a responsibility to wake them up. For us to be saved by Dafa is truly fortunate, but we shoulder great responsibilities, so how could we feel pessimistic and sad about not obtaining things in ordinary human society? We are beings envied by gods, we should treasure that, seize the time to perform solid cultivation and save sentient beings.
Attachment to Ego
When I used to talk to people about Dafa, I felt that if I wasn’t able to get them to understand that Dafa is wrongfully persecuted, I couldn’t reach consummation. It was all for my own consummation. Many times, my attachment of fear was very strong. Thus, I didn’t achieve a good effect in talking to people about Dafa. Even though I had talked to a few people, none of them wanted to renounce their membership in the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) or its affiliated organizations. Some even simply ignored me. I thought: Master said to look inward when we encounter issues, so this had to be a result of the issues I had.
Through Fa-study and looking inward, I found that my heart wasn’t pure when talking to people. My words didn’t carry the Fa’s power, and couldn’t eliminate the evil factors behind the other person. Thus, it didn’t have a good effect.
People in this world are not simple beings. Everyone has a huge group of sentient beings behind him or her. To save one person equates to saving that huge group of sentient beings. We have come to the very end of Fa-rectification, and must hurry to save people. Once I changed my mentality and put saving people as a priority, the outcome improved, and whomever I talked to, quit the Party. I came to understand that because my xinxing was on the Fa, Master could help me.
Before I went out to talk to people about Dafa, I always asked Master to arrange people with predestined relationships to come to me. When I was riding a bicycle, suddenly a van appeared. It hit me and knocked me down in the middle of the road. My bicycle was caught under the van and was dragged a long way, making a loud noise before coming to a stop. People on the sidewalk said to me, “Don’t get up! Stay there!”
I tried my very best to get up. Seeing the driver walking toward me, I was thinking, what kind of relationship did I have with him before? It seemed that I had to save him in this way. The driver asked if I was okay. I replied, “I’m fine.” He turned around and started to leave, so I said, “Don’t go away.” He turned and looked at me, so I continued, “Don’t be scared. I won’t blackmail you. I have something to tell you.” At that moment, I had nothing else in my mind but to tell him about Falun Dafa.
I asked him if he had ever joined the CCP or its youth organizations. He said he had joined the Young Pioneers and Youth League, so I continued, “We were destined to run into each other today. When we joined the Youth League, we had to submit our applications for that. Even though we were young, our teachers took us to make the pledge to devote ourselves to Communism, to give our everything to it, including our lives. This is no small thing. When we made the pledge and went through this process, we were counted as an element of it. When it’s to be eliminated, we have to go along with it. Therefore, we need to quit it. Our life is ours and should be in our own hands. The CCP is near its end. For us to quit it is to ensure our safety. When it’s over, no matter who takes the reigns, we will still be here.”
He responded, “Sure, please help me quit.”
I continued, “Please remember Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good! It teaches us to value virtue and do good deeds. Now calamities have become more and more frequent, which is heaven eliminating the CCP. One’s attitude toward Falun Dafa is also about choosing one’s future; heaven is selecting lives to be saved. When one quits the CCP and is a good person, one will have a good future. The CCP persecutes Falun Dafa and has persecuted so many practitioners to death, this will not be tolerated by heaven.”
He answered, “That’s right.” He used his real name to renounce his memberships in the CCP. He also told me where his store was and asked me to go there for a visit. I was very pleased for him.
I returned to get my bicycle, and took a look at myself. I was covered in mud, the skin on my hand was torn, my purse was broken, and the chain on my bicycle had fallen off. I had only just left home. If I can’t ride my bike, how can I possibly save more people today? I turned the peddle, and the chain connected to cogs immediately! I was very happy, realizing that it was Master who helped me put it back on.
For more than 20 years, I have stumbled so many times. Even though it was difficult, I had Master looking after me. I can’t express my gratitude towards Master. I use this as the motivation to cultivate well, and use my pure mindset to accomplish my mission in assisting Master to save sentient beings.
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Category: Improving Oneself
