(Minghui.org) I am in my 50s. After I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1998, my chronic illnesses disappeared and the relationships within my family became harmonious.
Changing My Mindset
After marrying into my husband’s family, my mother-in-law openly displayed her clear dislike for me. She constantly pointed out my failings and criticized me. My refusal to meekly accept her provocations led to constant rebuttals and resentment on my part. Our conflicts resulted in a tense relationship.
Because my cooking abilities were mediocre, at family dinners, instead of preparing food, I helped with miscellaneous chores. Once I was running late while trying to complete other chores. Everyone was forced to sit at the dining table, waiting for me to finish. The minute I finished and sat down at the table, my mother-in-law summoned me to the kitchen. Behind closed doors, she berated me, “You come from a respectable family. How did your mother educate you? How can you make your elders wait?” Both my parents passed away long ago, and her words made me speechless with anger.
Such incidents occurred frequently. When my husband was not there, my mother-in-law angrily reprimanded me. Her negative attitude carried over to her treatment of my son. Even though he was her only grandson and would carry forward the family surname, she spoke to and treated him harshly. In contrast, she pampered her daughter’s children. I knew this was my mother-in-law’s way of taking revenge on me.
To avoid confronting my mother-in-law directly, I encouraged my husband to complain on my behalf in front of my father-in-law. My father-in-law favored my husband and loved my son. These complaints resulted in frequent quarrels between my in-laws. My mother-in-law’s obsession with cleanliness meant I was never welcome to stay in her home. After helping her wrap dumplings until 1 a.m. one New Year’s Eve, I had to go home to sleep.
After practicing Falun Dafa, I realized that removing human attachments and cultivating compassion could benefit everyone, including my family. I tried to improve myself in this regard.
One year, my family moved into a new home, and my parents-in-law came to live with us. Their loud voices and stubborn pride meant my husband and father-in-law became embroiled in frequent loud arguments. Having found a job outside the home, I was reluctant to return home after work and always found reasons to avoid the conflicts at home.
I shared my situation with another practitioner. She said, “You should not try to avoid trouble.” Her words made me look within myself. This conflict was an opportunity for me to improve my cultivation, and to eliminate my human frustration and resentment. Why was I trying to hide from it?
When we were at my younger sister-in-law’s house for dinner, she asked, “Mother has been at your house for a few days. Have you helped her bathe yet?” My mother-in-law didn’t say anything, so I reluctantly asked her, “Do you want to take a bath?” My mother-in-law glared at me and replied, “No!”
After returning home, I felt something was wrong. Was I trying to avoid this added burden? My mother-in-law’s frail physique meant she could not bathe without help. If I continued to ignore this problem, there would be repercussions during our New Year celebration. I bowed my head with sincerity as I coaxed my mother-in-law, “Mom, may I help you bathe?” Unable to believe her ears, my mother-in-law eyed me with suspicion.
After she agreed, I washed her hair, then waited for her to finish soaking herself before I bathed her. My mother-in-law kept up a steady stream of criticism, “You aren’t really washing me,” etc. She continued to pick at my efforts until she exclaimed, “Your techniques are inferior to my daughter’s!” I remained silent, but thought, “You are so hard to please. I didn’t even bathe my own mother.” As soon as I had this thought I suddenly realized: This was resentment! I firmly rejected this unkind thought.
The burden of taking care of my in-laws usually fell to my older and younger sisters-in-law. My contribution to the family’s New Year preparations consisted of cleaning the kitchen and restrooms and tending the small family vegetable plot. I contributed the least each year. My mother-in-law was helping me improve my cultivation. How could I think badly of her? When I realized this, I silently thanked her for giving me this opportunity to improve.
After calming down, I paid more attention the next time I bathed her. “Mom, does it hurt? Is it okay if I massage like this?” Finally, as I was washing her feet, my mother-in-law said in satisfaction, “This is the most comfortable bath I’ve ever taken. My body always feels so tense, yet this bath has left me relaxed, as if many bad things were washed away. I feel so light!” As she spoke, my mother-in-law smiled at me.
Afraid she would catch a cold, I quickly helped her put on a bathrobe. As we stepped out of the bathroom, I noticed the unusual silence permeating the living room. Weren’t my husband and father-in-law drinking tea in the living room? I looked over and saw three pairs of eyes watching us in a combination of shock, worry, and curiosity. At some point, my husband’s friend dropped in to visit. Despite our tense relationship, my mother-in-law and I had been talking and laughing, something which had never happened before.
I helped my mother-in-law on the bed to rest before going to the kitchen to cut up some fruit. While leaning comfortably in my arms, she ate the fruit I fed to her, piece by piece. Seizing the opportunity, I suggested watching a Shen Yun DVD. Previously, my mother-in-law consistently rejected my suggestions. Today, though, she agreed and watched the performance for a long time. Looking at her wrinkled face wreathed in smiles, I was moved to tears. If I had not held myself strictly to the principles of the Fa, I would have failed to save her life.
Suddenly, my mother-in-law stopped eating and asked me, “Why aren’t you eating?” My mother-in-law saw through my lie when I replied that I did not like the fruit. “You follow the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, so you can’t lie!” I quickly shut my mouth. My mother-in-law continued, “I’m not blind. You’ve changed a lot over the years since you started practicing Falun Dafa. I did not want you to take care of me in my later years. When you first married into the family, I thought to myself, ‘What a misfortune to have such a daughter-in-law!’ I never dreamed I could enjoy such blessings. If not for Falun Dafa, your kindness towards me would be non-existent.”
As a Falun Dafa cultivator, I have to think of and be considerate of others. Now, I have become a welcome guest at my mother-in-law’s home. We sleep on the same bed, and she makes sure I am wrapped up warmly against the chill. We then chat until we fall asleep.
Consideration for My Older Sister-In-Law
My older sister-in-law is the de facto head of my husband’s family. She treats my son kindly and has never been stingy with money. Although I am grateful for her support, she can speak harshly to those around her and likes to spread rumors.
To avoid conflicts, I deliberately avoided her. For three years, each time I visited my in-law’s house to help with the Chinese New Year spring cleaning, I asked my mother-in-law, “When will Elder Sister return for the New Year?” I would then calculate accordingly and arrange to return home before she arrived. Unexpectedly in 2020, my older sister-in-law returned home earlier than expected, cutting off my escape path.
As my father-in-law favored my son, this led to jealousy on her part. She began arguing with my father-in-law at the dinner table, and neither of them backed down. During their conflict, I forgot to look within myself. Such a big conflict must have stemmed from my attachment to human competitiveness for my father-in-law’s continued favor.
I first attempted to calm my father-in-law, then I reluctantly walked into the kitchen to pacify my angry sister-in-law. She started yelling at the top of her voice, “Look at your husband! He contributes nothing to this family. My younger sister and I labor until we are exhausted, yet the benefits the family enjoys only go to your husband and son!” She continued to berate me endlessly. Her husband tried to intervene but his attempts to defuse the situation were rebuffed. He could only console me, “Don’t be angry. Your sister-in-law is going through menopause.” I replied, “It’s okay, I won’t blame her.”
My almost 80-year-old mother-in-law stood to one side and observed our fight with a conflicted expression. I pitied her situation. On the one side was her own, filial daughter. On the other, was her daughter-in-law who helped her farm, do housework, and had become her close confidante. Whose side should she take? She was at a loss.
Looking inward, I found my resentment for my older sister-in-law’s constant desire to be praised for her contributions. I looked down on her, for despite her status as an educated intellectual, her social etiquette fell far short of mine, a junior high school graduate. I knew this tribulation was arranged so that I could elevate in understanding, and my prolonged avoidance caused the conflict to escalate. Wasn’t she exposing my attachments? I decided to change my point of view and place myself in her shoes.
I said, “Elder sister, it is our fault. We will do anything to assuage your anger. You have sacrificed much for our family. The year you were hospitalized, it felt as though the sky was falling on our heads, since nobody knew what to do. This family can’t survive without you. Don’t anger yourself anymore and ruin your health. I worry about your blood pressure. Why not hit me a few times and then you might feel better?” Amazingly, she stopped shouting and her anger subsided.
My husband’s poor health meant he wasn’t interested in his family’s affairs. My elder sister-in-law was forced to deal with major family issues in his place. Yet my father-in-law remained biased towards my husband and son, giving them money from the family’s funds whenever he could. I attempted to dissuade my father-in-law, saying “Dad, please stop. Your favoritism has soured our relationship with both my sisters-in-law.” My words fell on deaf ears. My father-in-law and husband refused to listen. Fortunately, my son listened and stopped accepting money from his grandfather. My family had been given extra money for so many years, how could my older sister-in-law accept it?
In a much calmer tone, my sister-in-law asked, “Weren’t you hiding from me all these years? I always planned to talk to you, but couldn’t find you. I worked so hard and contributed so much money, yet my father gave my money and share of the new building to his son.”
I replied, “I was afraid you would get angry. If your anger harms your health, who will take care of you? I have been in the wrong for years. I never considered your suffering.” Actually, my sister-in-law had no desire to compete for my father-in-law’s savings. She only wanted someone to recognize that her father was treating his daughters unfairly. When she needed a supportive, listening ear, I selfishly avoided her. I was afraid of facing criticism and blame. My inability to look inwards when encountering problems and my intolerance meant I failed as a cultivator. When I apologized to her, her grievances were resolved.
At the start of the persecution of Falun Dafa, my oldest sister-in-law feared for her family’s safety and refused to understand why I clarified the facts to people. She even opened my mail and searched it. She stubbornly refused to listen to the truth behind the persecution. This year, my son, who’d been gone for several years, returned home from Shanghai for the New Year. He massaged and washed his grandfather’s feet, applied medicine to his sore leg, helped his grandmother wash the dishes, clean the kitchen, and chatted with them. His polite, kind, and cultured manner impressed his grandparents and older aunt.
At the family banquet, my father-in-law proudly declared, “My grandson was raised well thanks to his Falun Dafa practitioner mother. Dafa taught her important moral values, and my grandson benefited from it.” My father-in-law remains proud of my son and tells everyone he meets, “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good. It blessed my grandson.”
My older sister-in-law was full of praise for my son’s character, and her opposition towards my Dafa activities has lessened.
Falun Dafa is amazing, and examining oneself really is magic!
(Selected Submission Celebrating the 24th World Falun Dafa Day on the Minghui website)
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