(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1998, and I’m now in my 50s. I appeared to have symptoms of a stroke on July 19, 2020, when the left side of my body became partially paralyzed. I couldn’t lift my left hand, or even hold a napkin, and I lost control of my left leg. My tongue felt stiff, and when I tried to talk, I could only say one word at a time. Doing the simplest things took a great effort. My four limbs and back were in pain.
I became alert and re-examined my cultivation state. I realized that I must have some issues. As I lay in bed, I realized that all the tribulations I experienced were not important. Only being able to cultivate well and eliminate my attachments mattered.
Three practitioners came to see me the next day. Their kind encouragement moved me. A practitioner kindly and frankly told me that I felt resentment. I was a bit surprised.
After they left, I began to think about what she said. My life was difficult for many years. After we got married, I realized that my husband would not support our family. He didn’t care about his family, and would not financially support us. He frequently lied and bragged about himself. He also had a bad temper. He had a big ego and didn’t want to do any household chores, and was disloyal to me. He recently borrowed some money from my relatives.
Due to his being irresponsible, our family’s financial situation and life were very tough. I resented, hated, and looked down on him. I didn’t understand it—I treated him with a true heart and worked tirelessly for the family, yet his behavior was so bad. I couldn’t snap out of it, even though I knew my state of mind wasn’t right. I felt very bitter and wronged.
Rectifying My Cultivation State
The practitioner’s words were a wake-up call. Thinking back over the years, I cultivated with regular people’s principles and held onto humanness. I hadn’t followed the Fa to cultivate myself and was attached to human principles. I am a practitioner – wasn’t this terrible? I came to understand that it was exactly this strong resentment that was taken advantage of by the old forces, so I had this tribulation. I deeply regretted my attitude and made up my mind to rectify myself immediately and do well. I let go of my resentment and stopped thinking about what happened in the past. I treated my “stroke” as a good thing, an opportunity to improve myself. I believed that Dafa was omnipotent, and I would for sure recover from this “illness”!
I began to do the exercises more often. I did the standing exercises two or three times a day. When I couldn’t do the movements properly, I tried my best. Every time my left hand dropped, I lifted it up. When the pain from my left knee was unbearable, I just held on as long as I could. In my day-to-day life, I didn’t want anyone to look after me. I tried to do everything myself. I wasn’t afraid of hardship.
It was summertime, so when I did anything I ended up soaked in sweat, but I didn’t mind. I tried to study the Fa more and send righteous thoughts often. When I couldn’t sit up any longer, I held the Dafa books and sent righteous thoughts. I was alone during the day. When I was tired, I took a nap. After I woke up, I continued to do what I was supposed to do. I didn’t feel lonely or sad.
Even though my third eye is not open and I can’t see other dimensions, I truly felt that Master was right beside me, watching over me. Benevolent Master adjusted my body multiple times. I could feel my body going through small changes every day. The following week I was able to walk downstairs.
When I experienced discomfort, I was surprised that “stroke” could be painful. I realized Master was adjusting my body. I only had to endure pain for a short time and then it was over. I believed that if it weren’t for the protection from Master and Dafa, I could have been bedridden due to my karma. When people have a stroke they often never fully recover, however, I’m almost back to normal now.
During the process I let go of my resentment towards my husband. I felt that what happened in the past was so far away, and had nothing to do with me. I reminded myself that I was a practitioner, and stopped being muddle-headed.
I knew I had harbored the attachment of “pursuing a good life in ordinary human society” for the longest time, so I had tribulations. My cultivation path was so rough, almost to the point that I stopped practicing. I truly appreciated Master, who didn’t give up on me, but still treasured me and gave me an opportunity to correct myself.
After I let go of resentment, I realized that I could calmly accept many things. I felt that every difficulty was no longer a big deal and that I could get over it. In my day-to-day life, I noticed I had some positive changes, including that I could endure my husband’s bad habits. I reminded myself that he didn’t lead an easy life, I also felt that he was pitiful. I could truly hope he would become better, and I appreciated his contributions and praised every bit of his good behavior.
My husband also gradually changed for the better. He became more caring about the family, and even washed clothes and cooked. He also acknowledged my ideas and no longer interfered with what I did. For instance, he stopped being so nervous about our weekly group Fa-study, and only reminded me to pay attention to safety. I regained my freedom. Everything just happened so naturally. I enlightened that my feeling so relaxed and free was due to letting go of attachments. I felt cultivation was so miraculous!
I realized that Master helped me, and I was able to sit upright, in the full lotus position. For more than 20 years, the only way for me to be able to sit in a lotus position for an hour was to expose my lower legs, otherwise I couldn’t. Before I started meditating, I had to press down on my legs, but I still had difficulty bending them.
I didn’t want to give up but I didn’t know what to do. I also hoped that I could be like other practitioners who were able to sit upright. After I improved my xinxing one day, I suddenly realized that my lower legs were flexible and I could easily pull them up.
I can now read the Fa while sitting in a full lotus position for an hour and a half without feeling any pain. I felt very excited, for I have realized my dream after so many years. This also strengthened my determination to improve my xinxing.
Thinking back on my cultivation path of the past more than 20 years, even though I had a lot of karma and my enlightenment quality was poor, I was fortunate to begin practicing Falun Dafa. I, a person who has struggled with sentimentality for millions of years, who is full of lust, confused, dull, selfish, and egotistical, have become a noble being who is no longer entangled in fame, self-interest, and sentimentality. I am able to treat others well, and I’m willing to give to others. What a blessing this life is! I am grateful to Master for everything he has done for me, but I am so far behind compared to truly diligent practitioners!
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Category: Improving Oneself
