(Minghui.org) I am a Falun Dafa adherent that other practitioners call “a technical practitioner” because I work on a technical project. An unexpected event made me realize that I have only been working on technical issues and not truly cultivating.
I developed symptoms of COVID-19 when the second wave of the pandemic hit. I felt chest tightness, coughed a lot, and found it really difficult to breathe. It was actually a test for me to see if my cultivation was solid, where my xinxing level was, and which attachments I still couldn’t let go of. During this test, I saw many attachments that I usually ignored—sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally.
Studying the Fa was Not a Priority
When studying the Fa, I always thought: “Why am I studying so slowly? It impacts my doing the project.” Then I thought, “If I don’t study the Fa well, the project will not progress, I will not learn the knowledge, and I might end up being arrested; so I still need to study the Fa.” Thus, although I did study the Fa, there was no Fa in my heart. I put doing things and avoiding arrest ahead of studying the Fa. I was still validating myself and the alien technology of the old universe, rather than validating the wisdom I learned from the Fa.
The Attachment to Healing Illness was Deeply Hidden
I was surprised to find that consciously or unconsciously, I still thought that one would be healthy once one cultivates in Dafa. I had a subconscious attachment to getting rid of illnesses and keeping fit. Therefore, when there was a problem with my body, I would say: “I have done so many things. How could this kind of thing happen to me?” I mistook doing things for cultivating.
Several practitioners around me who passed away had made this same mistake. They indeed did a lot of things to save people. I talked with them when they were alive, and found that they thought that doing more things to save sentient beings was equivalent to cultivating well and could lead to consummation.
What they did not expect was that they were dragged down by the attachments because they neglected to cultivate their heart and study the Fa. In the end, their projects were done badly, and they lost their physical life. Dafa is about cultivation—it is not for healing illnesses. It is a righteous belief, not material exchanges among ordinary people, let alone setting up preconditions for cultivation.
After getting through the tribulation of illness karma, I focused my Fa study on cultivating my heart rather than worrying about being persecuted.
Promise Made in a Prehistoric Contract Could Not Be Done By Others
I also came up with thoughts like: “In case something happens to me, my project should be handed to practitioner Ding (pseudonym),” or “After teaching practitioner Ding so many times, he still hasn’t learned what to do. If something happens to me, who will be in charge of this project?”
Later, in sharing with other practitioners, Ding said: “I can’t do this project by myself. The prehistoric contract is for us to cooperate. If something happens to you, no one else will do it for you. So the death of a fellow practitioner is a loss to Dafa.”
I realized that my thinking was wrong, whoever vowed to do some matter should do it, and I can’t always think about pushing things out or finding someone to take care of it for me. I realized that subconsciously, I was afraid of hard work.
Not Denying the Old Forces
I only realized that the illness karma I just encountered was a test arranged by the old forces after fellow practitioners reminded me. It’s because I am used to acknowledging the arrangements of the old forces, such as the Internet being severely blocked on weekends, naturally, it takes a long time to save lives; the surveillance camera would catch everything; and the printer has to be repaired if it is not working well. Whenever a problem arose, instead of looking inward for my attachments, I looked outward for objective reasons for things happening.
I see that some other technical practitioners around me have the same problem, and they always like to fix things instead of cultivating their hearts and mind. Subconsciously, I still don’t believe in Master or the Fa and still believe that seeing is believing. After cultivating for such a long time, I haven’t stepped outside of ordinary people's concepts. I depend on luck and want to use ordinary people’s means to get away with it. I don't know what I have been cultivating. My xinxing is so bad that it resulted in the illness karma.
I hope other technical practitioners will learn a lesson from me. That is, cultivate your xinxing well, believe in Master and Dafa, and finish the final part of your journey.
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Category: Improving Oneself
