(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa five years ago. Looking back, I believe Master Li (Dafa’s founder) gave me occasional hints that helped shape my thinking and beliefs. In this way, I could more easily recognize Dafa when the time came for me to practice. I also see that Master saved my life on more than one occasion over the years.
While I’d had some difficult times before I began practicing, I generally found life to be pleasant and enjoyable. I sought a good life and spent time with friends and family, shopping, dining out, and traveling. But I felt something was missing in this shallow lifestyle.
In my search, I took many philosophy and religion classes when I attended college. Buddhism really resonated with me, but I did not delve further into it. And though organized religion bothered me due to the hypocrisy and zealotry I saw growing up, I tried going to a couple of churches along the way, but they were not for me. I believe that God looks at people’s hearts, not at what they do on the surface for others to see, and their motive for doing things is what matters.
I once lamented to my husband that if a Savior appeared today, no one would even be able to recognize him in this mixed-up world. To numb this hopeless feeling, I increasingly focused on seeking a more comfortable life.
I sometimes felt a bit envious of those who seemed to have a deep connection to God, but in the end, I believed that any sort of Divine connection would elude me.
Until that is, my predestined time with Dafa arrived.
Hurrying to Catch Up
The first time I read Zhuan Falun (Falun Dafa’s main book), I thought, “This is something I will always follow.” I knew that I found what I’d been looking for.
Over the next two months (thanks to Master’s arrangement), I spent every free moment reading the lectures given at the Fa Conferences, and this deepened my understanding. I knew that I had to move quickly to catch up and fulfill my vow to help save sentient beings. In fact, Master confirmed this to me one night.
In a dream, I saw that I was rushing through an airport, trying to keep up with another practitioner. She moved very quickly, but large crowds blocked my way. I had to swerve in and out and go as quickly as I could to keep up. It was very difficult, and I nearly lost sight of her many times. Finally, someone stopped her to ask a question. I overheard her say Fa-rectification of the cosmos had ended a few days ago, and wherever our levels were at that time, that’s where they were set.
Upon hearing this, I became very distraught and asked why no one told me. I remembered that I hadn’t yet clarified the truth to my brother and many others. My heart sank when I thought of the tremendous loss of beings, and I sobbed so hard that my body shook.
I woke up sobbing and tears streamed down my face. I knew the situation was serious, and I must try my hardest.
Looking Within
Looking within was not easy for me. For the first few months, I could easily see other people’s attachments but was unable to see my own.
One day I remembered a hint I’d had before practicing. I noticed something in my mother-in-law that I really disliked. Then it suddenly dawned on me that it bothered me because I had that thing in myself. I was shocked and did not want to admit I had this flaw, not even to myself.
Still, I thought this mirror only applied to big things that I was bothered about others. I did not understand that I should examine myself no matter what I encountered, nor what it meant to look within.
I realize now that one reason I could not look within when I first began practicing was because of my strong attachment to reputation. I did not want to admit to myself, nor to others, that I had any bad things in me. I liked to think of myself as a good person and wanted others to think highly of me too.
As I continued reading the teachings, this attachment began to weaken. Because I genuinely wanted to improve, I spent time talking to other practitioners and reading other practitioners’ sharing on Minghui about looking within.
The Attachment to Competition
Master saw my heart, so one day he pointed out the first attachment I discovered, one that really surprised me - the attachment to competition.
I wondered, “How could this be? I'm not competitive!” I’d even bragged to others in the past that I was not competitive, and truly believed others were. In fact, this strong attachment was deeply hidden, and I was only able to seem a little better than others because I measured myself against the fallen moral standard.
I realized that if I was competitive with this particular thing, I must be competitive in other situations as well. As I began to pay attention, I was surprised to discover just how competitive I was - even for just a tiny bit of gain, like getting ahead in traffic.
Master said,
“I’ll tell you a truth: The entire cultivation process for a cultivator is one of constantly giving up human attachments. In ordinary human society, people compete with, deceive, and harm each other for a little personal gain. All of these mentalities must be given up.” ( Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
While looking for the above quote, I realized that Master talks about competition almost immediately in his teachings - in just the third paragraph of the book. I also realized that Master talks about competition in every single lecture of the book.
The attachment to competition, which ties into things like looking down on others, the desire to show off, and zealotry, is no small thing, for these are rooted in jealousy.
Jealousy is something I also believed I did not have before I began cultivating. I am grateful to Master for pointing out these attachments. Though they still manifest, I can more readily recognize them, and work to eliminate them. I discovered that sometimes I do not want to get rid of some attachments, especially if I feel justified after being wronged in some way. I ask myself “Do I want to let this go?” If the answer is no, I know the attachment is very strong. I must work to eliminate even the element that makes me not want to let that thing go. Otherwise, how can I improve? I am determined to get rid of what remains of these things. These are not my true self.
The Power of Thinking of Others First
After I began cultivating, I noticed that when I have righteous thoughts, think of others first, and improve my xinxing, amazing things happen. I’ll share two examples.
The first year I helped with Shen Yun, I had the thought that I was glad I did not have to do bus security at night, since it must be really difficult to stay awake. I finally realized this was not a righteous thought and corrected myself. Sure enough, the next year, I was one of those given bus security in the middle of the night.
That evening, someone suggested I take a nap before leaving. Because I was concerned and used human thinking, I felt very tired when I woke up. After I arrived at the site, time seemed to drag on forever. My head kept nodding forward, and I had to force myself to stay awake. I knew the importance of what I was doing, and that I could not fall asleep, but it was a very painful experience.
Though it sounds like such a simple thing, it was extremely difficult at the time. Each minute felt like a year. It seemed like it took forever for even five minutes to go by.
Finally, another practitioner arrived a bit early to relieve one of us. Because I was a new practitioner, he came to me. As I thanked him and started to leave, I remembered how tired one of the other practitioners also seemed. Seeing how hard it was for her, I walked over to let her know she could go home. She said it was okay, she could stay and wanted me to go instead. But I insisted, so she smiled, thanked me, and drove home.
After I walked back, something amazing happened - just like that, I was wide awake! It was as if I’d just awakened from a full night’s rest. I felt clear-minded and energized. When the other practitioners arrived to take over, I drove home easily.
In that moment, I saw the importance and tremendous power of righteous thoughts, including compassion and thinking of others first.
On another occasion, our group went to an event to demonstrate the exercises. It was a cold, blustery fall morning when we arrived. Being fairly new, I did not have a winter Falun Dafa coat like the others did. I didn’t think much about it and just laid my regular coat on the ground. Several hours later, when the event ended and I took off the satin exercise outfit, I realized it was very cold - yet the whole time I did not feel cold at all.
At first, I thought, “How could the thin, satin exercise outfit keep me so warm?” Then I remembered that not even my hands or face had been cold. I understood that it was Master who protected me. Because I had righteous thoughts, focused on being there to help save people, and did not worry about getting cold, Master was able to help me.
When I Change, What’s Around Me Changes
The first winter after I began practicing, I met with an elderly couple for a home exam, and the husband was very hard of hearing. As I talked with him, he complained he could not hear me and said I needed to speak up. I tried to talk louder, but he still could not hear. His wife suggested he put in his hearing aids but he refused and said, “No, she needs to speak up!” I’d nearly lost my voice from talking so loudly and did not understand why he was being so unreasonable. I finally said, “Perhaps we should reschedule with someone else that you could hear more easily.” He firmly replied, “No, you’re here now and I want to do the exam now.”
Because of his rude behavior, the old me would have gotten up to leave. But I reminded myself I was a practitioner and I took a deep breath. As I did so, the man began to berate me. He asked why I did not speak clearly, and if this was how I conducted myself as a professional. He even said things that seemed unrelated, like “Is this the kind of example you set for your son?” and, “Maybe you think you know everything, but maybe others know more than you, did you ever think of that?” He was, in fact, pointing out some of my attachments.
My heart was unmoved. I calmly listened to him with a gentle smile on my face. When he finished, five minutes later, I just smiled and said “Okay.” I did not talk back, nor did I try to defend myself. Instead, I thought, “He could yell at me all day and it wouldn’t bother me.”
Then, an amazing thing happened - the man could hear me! I no longer had to shout. He even became very kind and pleasant and wanted to show me his family photos when we finished the exam.
I’ve shared this story before because it left a deep impression on me. I experienced what it is like to have things around me change when I change myself (of course, changing the situation cannot be my motivation). There are times when I still forget this principle and stumble, but I will continue to try to improve.
I had a similar experience with my mother. When I first began practicing, my mother read bad things about Dafa online but did not tell me. Instead, she repeated what she read to my husband, son, sister-in-law, and others. Not long after, they told me what she said. I did not understand why my mother didn’t just come to ask me about it. I wanted to approach her, but the others said they promised not to tell me. It gave me the chance to answer the questions these family members had, and in this way, clarify the truth to them.
Two summers ago, my mother had to go to the hospital due to very high blood sugar levels. The situation was serious and my sister-in-law called to let me know. It turned out that my mother had been having this problem for almost a year, but she did not want me to know. She told my sister-in-law and cousin but told them not to tell me. Once again, my mother felt she could not talk to me.
When I heard that she hid this from me, I was surprised. I knew that I must look within to see what my role was.
I realized that the reason she did not tell me was because I always lectured her, and would lose my patience when she did not listen. She knew she needed to watch what she ate but refused to do so. We had an argument before I was a practitioner, and I said I would never bring up her diet again.
Looking within, I saw that I like to prove my point, show that I’m right, and let her know that I know more than she does. Even though I was in the medical field, she always refused to listen to me and thought she knew better than me. I often complained about her and had resentment in my heart. In fact, her behavior was a reflection of my behavior, but I did not see it. I had a strong attachment to competitiveness, knowledge, showing myself off, and being argumentative and combative, among others.
I saw that I had not improved my relationship with my mother after I began practicing. Even though I had a bit more patience with her, my overall tolerance and compassion were still lacking. I felt ashamed that she could not even tell me about a serious health problem for nearly a year. When I talked to her the next day, I did not bring up her diet or blood sugar. I simply asked how she was feeling and what I could do to help. My compassion emerged, and we had a good conversation.
My mother now says that she sees positive changes in me. She has gone to see Shen Yun, has lotus flowers hanging around her house, and has even asked for lotus flower bookmarks and Falun Dafa flyers to give to her neighbors. We’ve had several conversations where I’ve shared my understanding of topics from the perspective of the Fa. She says she is proud to have a daughter who has developed such wisdom. I told her these changes only come from reading Falun Dafa’s teachings.
I still have much room for improvement, but because I am working to change myself, my mother now knows that Dafa is good.
Conclusion
I still have many attachments and notions to eliminate, and much that I need to improve on. I am grateful for the opportunity to write this sharing, as it’s not only a good cultivation process, but allows me to share just a few of the wonders of Dafa.
I hope that in the time remaining, we can each do our best to improve ourselves and help Master save people. It is not easy, but it is what we came here to do - what we vowed to do. To do this effectively, we must study the Fa well and raise our xinxing - there is no shortcut. Focused study, with a clear mind, and without intention, is key.
Let us cherish this final opportunity to do what we should do, so we can be responsible to ourselves and others.
Thank you Master!
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