(Minghui.org) I’m 82 years old and I have practiced Falun Dafa for 27 years. It is important that I tell you how I recently passed a life and death test.
The right part of my body was in pain on September 6. I couldn’t bend over or stand. My first thought was, “I previously had pleurisy, an enlarged liver, and an enlarged spleen. I recovered from this health issue after I started practicing Falun Dafa. Why am I experiencing my former health issues again?”
The pain was severe; I could not straighten my back, and I couldn’t sit upright. I could only lay on the sofa or in bed. I couldn’t sleep for several days. Besides I could only eat two spoonful of porridge mixed with water, and I had difficulty swallowing.
My youngest sister called me from Guangzhou and urged me to go to the hospital for an examination. I told her that I was not ill. She said, “If you are not ill, why are you in pain?” I said, “You don’t understand since you don’t cultivate! I am going through a tribulation and eliminating karma. This happened because I did not do well so the old forces took advantage of my loophole.”
I couldn’t read the Fa or do the exercises. I knew that this tribulation came for my life. I supported myself by holding onto my bed, knelt down in front of Master’s picture, and said,“Master, please help me! Don’t let the old forces take me away. I firmly believe in Master and the Fa! I will read the Fa, do the exercises and do the three things diligently! I want to follow Master’s arrangement and will assist Master in saving more lives after I get well!”
Examining Myself
My family members [also Dafa practitioners] and fellow practitioners reminded me to look inward to see why this happened. On the surface, it looked as if I was cultivating—I read the Fa, did the exercises, and sent righteous thoughts every day. However, I did not truly cultivate and did not do the three things diligently. After the roads were covered with ice over the last winter, I only went out a few times to talk to people about Falun Gong (also called Falun Dafa) and the persecution. My excuse was that the slippery road was unsafe. This year, I went out several times to talk to people. However, when my eldest daughter came back to visit from Weihai, my schedule was interrupted. I failed to keep up with reading the Fa and doing the exercises on a daily basis. But, I spent time watching videos with my daughter every day. I became more like an ordinary person.
The old forces also tried various means to interfere with me. My parents who passed away many years ago appeared in my dream one night. I also dreamed a former practitioner who passed away recently approached me.
My second daughter told me a story she read on her smartphone, “A person was seriously ill. His family went to the bank to withdraw money for him from his account. However, the bank insisted that he must be at the scene to withdraw. His family had no choice but to carry him to the bank.”
The story reminded me that my three daughters and my sister pooled money together and bought an apartment five years ago. They later sold it. I kept some of the money and did not return it. I realized that I had a strong attachment to personal interests.
Afterward, I had a tribulation for more than 12 days. As soon as I returned the money, I felt relieved. That night I was able to sleep. I was excited! I knew Master was encouraging me!
However, I still felt pain from time to time. The pain stopped when I read the Fa with my daughter and it recurred as soon as I stopped reading. I started doing the exercises. I had to lean against the wall since I had difficulty standing.
I kept searching for my attachments. I found I had resentment against my eldest daughter and her husband. My son worked for her husband before and they went to Tibet to pan for gold. However, they failed in their gold mining and my son had a stroke and died. I blamed them all these years, and as soon as I saw them I thought about my son. I understood that I wronged them and that everyone has their own destiny. My ordinary notions hindered me from moving forward in cultivation. I told myself that I must discard these ordinary notions. I recalled that I killed many flies, mosquitoes, ants, etc. before. I hoped to reach a benevolent resolution with them and silently I recited Master’s teachings about benevolent resolution.
My Attachment to Fear
I also realized that I was afraid. Six years ago, when I spent the winter with my daughter, the community director and police arrested me and took me to the police station. While taking photos of me with video cameras, they asked me to stop practicing Falun Gong and to leave the area. They wanted me to go to Weihai. I was afraid and cooperated with them, and I said I would stop practicing and I would go to Weihai. As soon as I said this I immediately knew that I was wrong.
For more than six years I did not tell anyone. My daughter (a practitioner) asked me several times. I only told her that I did not sign anything. I was afraid of admitting what I did because a voice in my mind kept telling me, “You can’t admit, so your Master won’t want you anymore.” I was also afraid of losing face in front of the other practitioners.
Master said,
“In fact, let me tell everyone that matter and mind are one and the same.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I thought that I was just coping with their request and in my heart I did not really mean it. I did not sign anything. When I thought about it, I realized that I was not serious about cultivation!
In the following six years, the old forces tried several ways to make me acknowledge their arrangements. When I went to have my pants altered, the shop owner tried to get me to buy a burial garment. During the days around Qingming, through my third eye, I saw my deceased husband and son. I even saw that I was dead. I understood that all these happened because of my attachments.
I also recalled that 20 years ago the police came to my home to arrest my husband in the middle of a night. They dragged my arms and pulled my legs and forced me to step on Master’s picture. It happened because I was afraid. The evil took advantage of my cultivation gaps, and made use of my thought karma and my ordinary notions. They tried to pull me into their traps.
Completely Recovered
I told my family members what I had done six years ago and confessed my wrong doing to Master. I wrote a solemn declaration to void the words I said. Twenty-four days later, my condition returned normal, and I have recovered. Now, I am able to go out with fellow practitioners to assist Master in saving lives.
Compassionate Master repeatedly tried to awaken me and didn’t give up on me! Without Master’s compassionate protection and guidance, I would not be able to survive the traps the old forces set up for me, and I would not be where I am today!
Human words cannot express my gratitude I feel for Master! I will read the Fa, cultivate myself and do the three things diligently, and go home with Master.
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Category: Improving Oneself
