(Minghui.org) I’ve been practicing Falun Dafa for almost 20 years. Although there have been many ups and downs, I thought my conviction in the practice was solid and I’ve always believed in Master Li (Dafa’s founder) and the Fa. However, recent events made me realize that I don’t have complete faith in Master and the Fa.
When I married, my husband’s children were still single and his son was almost 40. I treated them as if they were my own children, and helped them get married and start a family. What I didn’t expect was that after they had their own family, instead of thanking me, they began to ostracize me, and treated me as if I were an outsider. My husband was on their side, and I felt like a pauper living under someone else’s roof.
I tried to endure, but after a while, I couldn’t stand this kind of life. I recited Master’s Fa with a painful heart. “When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
The thought of “I want to leave this home that does not belong to me” has never stopped. Fortunately, a practitioner suggested that I stop that kind of thinking and then she shared the Fa principles with me.
I understood, but at times I was still confused. Sometimes, I behaved like a practitioner letting go of “self,” but other times I acted like an ordinary person, fighting over who’s right and who’s wrong. This went on for over 10 years.
I’ve spent a lot of time studying the Fa and have found many attachments, but my family environment hasn’t changed much. My physical condition is not as good as two years ago, and I’m out of breath every time I walk upstairs.
While doing the exercises one morning, something happened and my mind was turned upside down. I stopped doing the exercises and wanted to calm down, so I recited “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.”
I thought: I’m a cultivator! Master rearranged my life’s path the day I started practicing Dafa. So the environment I’m in today—my husband and his children—was all arranged by Master. They are here to help me cultivate. There is no coincidence on my cultivation path, and Master wouldn’t allow tribulations to interfere that don’t belong to me.
Master said,
“Remember my words: Regardless of whether the problem is your fault or not, you should look inside yourself, and you will find a problem. If the matter has absolutely nothing to do with you or doesn’t involve any of the attachments you should break, then that thing would rarely happen to you.” (Teachings at the Conference in Europe)
If I refused to accept my environment and constantly wanted to change it, wouldn’t I commit a serious mistake and doubt Master and the Fa?! If anyone said I didn’t believe in Master and the Fa, I would never acknowledge it. But after careful thought, I found my belief is selective.
Master has saved me many times and has eliminated my karma, but I couldn’t take it when my human heart and thoughts were affected. That was when I should believe in Master and the Fa the most. I didn’t think of Master or the Fa at that time. My body and mind were controlled by my human heart, thoughts, and feelings, and I wasn’t rational. It didn’t occur to me that those were the selfish elements of the old universe, and they were the false “self” that should be discarded.
I was shocked when I realized this. I’ve been living like an ordinary person and hadn’t genuinely cultivated for so many years, and I used to think that I was pretty good. How laughable?!
There are no trivial things in cultivation. I should cherish every conflict and seize every opportunity to improve. No matter what kind of tribulation or pain I encounter in the future, I should be grateful and look inward. I should stop arguing about the rights and wrongs of other people. I should be tolerant and kind to others, and truly believe in Master and the Fa without compromise. Only then can I go home with Master!
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Category: Improving Oneself
