(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa 19 years ago when I was 27. During that time, I experienced many ups and downs as I learned lessons and understood the principles of Dafa on my cultivation path. I want to share how I recently experienced sickness karma twice; both instances tested my faith in Master Li and Dafa. I also saw how Chinese Communist Party culture affected my behavior and I decided to eliminate it.
Possible Cancer Diagnosis
I went to the hospital to have an IUD (contraceptive device) removed from my uterus last year. During the examination, the doctor discovered many tumors in my abdomen. In her experience, these tumors could develop into cancer, so she recommended I have some tests done. I initially agreed and made an appointment. I left the clinic overwhelmed by the possibility that I might have cancer.
I realized there were loopholes in my cultivation practice, so I looked inward to find my attachments. The hardest thing for me was being alone at home because that’s when the thought karma was very powerful. I kept thinking I might die soon and I could not maintain righteous thoughts.
I contacted a fellow practitioner who suggested that I go to the hospital. I realized that I could only deal with this situation on my own. Only by strictly following Master’s requirements could I get out of this predicament.
Three days later, I had calmed down a bit. I called the doctor and canceled the appointment because I knew that no one could help me except Master. Medicine couldn’t help me.
In a poem, Master Li taught us,
“You may talk cultivationBut you have to discard the attachmentsthat you hold deep insideWhat’s given up is not oneselfBut instead the folly of delusion” (“Discarding Attachments,” Hong Yin II)
I enrolled in a training program two years ago and had to deal with family issues at the same time. The school and my company were a considerable distance from my home. I made studying in the training program my priority and was getting further and further away from Dafa. I was exhausted when I got home in the evening. I hardly studied the Fa, did the exercises, or paid attention to sending righteous thoughts. Over time, I became arrogant and selfish. I gossiped about others behind their backs and used my quick wit to insult people.
I felt ashamed of my behavior and decided I had to do better. I knew I should share what was happening with fellow practitioners. But I was afraid of being embarrassed, laughed at, or criticized.
With Master’s arrangement, I found an opportunity to share with practitioners in the Fa study group. After Fa study one night, a practitioner talked about his situation in a superficial way. I saw right through his desire to save face. He was a mirror to me at that time. Then, I decided to break through the shame and the thought karma that had been holding me back. While sharing my experiences, my back felt chilly, and I was sweating. It was very difficult for me to overcome my shame and the fear of embarrassment. But this sharing was important to our group because I wasn’t the only one who wanted to save face and was ashamed to talk about mistakes. Before this, no one in our group had spoken so openly about their situation.
After my sharing, I immediately felt some dirty substances leave my body. I felt light and airy. None of the practitioners laughed at me. On the contrary, they were apprehensive about my situation. I realized that my feeling of shame was a plot by the old forces to separate me from the group. I had to break this arrangement.
After I calmed down, I started doing the exercises, studying the Fa, and sending righteous thoughts every day. I kept looking inward and correcting myself when I realized something deviated from the Fa. Sometimes, I had abdominal pain, which was a sign that I needed to keep trying to find my fundamental attachments.
Test of Life and Death
Things seemed to get better. But I still hadn’t identified my fundamental attachment. The old forces took advantage of me and continued to persecute me.
The stress increased when I was preparing for my final exam in February of this year. The situation at home became very tense. My husband wanted to abandon me and our son. I had no job and no money to pay the next month’s rent. I fell into the trap of the old forces. My son, who was still in school, was also worried about our situation. I made a decision. I would not argue with my husband. I simply believed in Master. I sent righteous thoughts for three consecutive days to clear my field and reject the persecution of the old forces. My husband transferred money to pay the rent on the evening of the third day. A few weeks later, he lost three teeth in one week and rushed to the dentist because he couldn’t even smile. After this incident, his attitude toward me improved.
After I took the final exam, my physical condition worsened. I had bleeding for two weeks straight. Although I had been studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and sending righteous thoughts, my condition was not improving. I felt that energy was leaving my body, and I was getting weaker and weaker.
I realized that the old forces wanted to take my life. I urgently needed the help of other practitioners because only with everyone’s help could I get through this difficult time.
The local practitioners called me and supported me. When a practitioner came to visit me one evening, I was shaking and had a fever. My consciousness was not very clear. We studied the Fa together and sent righteous thoughts. Later, the entire Fa study group sent righteous thoughts for me. Two hours later, my condition stabilized, and I regained full consciousness. That day, I felt the divine compassion of my fellow practitioners.
This test was more serious than the first one. I found myself constantly afraid that my husband would leave the family. I was jealous and felt strong resentment toward him. I also felt a desire for him. It was this desire that caused my health problems.
Removing Party Culture
Recently, a practitioner compassionately pointed out that the Communist Party culture manifested in me when I was bossy, not soft-spoken, had a bad temper, and when I showed a competitive mentality. She was right.
I felt grateful to Master for arranging for this practitioner to point this out to me. I hadn’t thought about how much Party culture I had. I began paying attention to my tone of voice, staying calm in conflicts, and letting go of resentment. I let everything take its course according to Master’s arrangements and looked at problems optimistically and positively.
Since I began breaking away from the Party culture, my family relationships have improved, and my overall situation has improved. After I found a job, my new colleagues said that the work team’s atmosphere became harmonious.
I am grateful to Master for his mercy in teaching us this precious Dafa.
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Category: Improving Oneself
