(Minghui.org) Before I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2017, I loved reading novels. I sometimes became so engrossed in the stories that I forgot to eat or sleep. After the COVID-19 outbreak, I realized that I needed to correct my state and cultivate diligently, so I began eliminating my attachments to entertainment, such as reading novels and watching TV and movies. However, I didn’t completely let go of them.
Whenever I came across a novel or show that looked interesting, I couldn’t help myself. After I sprained my ankle in April I finally realized my addiction to human entertainment was just one manifestation of numerous attachments I still had.
Addiction to Reading Novels
Before the Qingming Festival, also known as Tomb-sweeping Day, in early April 2024, I looked up things on my phone. The app I used recommended a short novel. The beginning was so enticing that I read the entire book. When I finished the app recommended another story, which I also read. I was glued to my phone for several days, reading one book after another, even when I ate or was in bed.
The first few novels were somewhat clean, but the stories the app subsequently recommended contained unhealthy content, such as resentment, lust, fame, and jealousy. Although I knew it was bad for me to read them, I couldn’t stop—I read as if I were possessed by something. My hands kept turning the pages even when I no longer wanted to read the book. I also slacked off on Fa-study and practicing the exercises. One time, I was so intrigued by a book I was reading that I absentmindedly put my thermos on top of the cellphone on which I store the Falun Dafa teachings. Shocked, I immediately moved it, but I didn’t think about it much.
Looking Within After Injuring My Ankle
After the Qingming Festival, I discussed with the other practitioners how we could help rescue imprisoned practitioners. However, my mind was still on the stories in those novels. Through talking with practitioners, I understood that novels were entertainment for ordinary people but not for practitioners. Master was giving me hints about not reading them, yet, after returning home that day, I couldn’t stop myself and opened the app again. The more I read, the less I wanted to continue reading. On one hand, the plots in all the stories were repetitive and boring. On the other hand, I felt bad that I was not cultivating diligently and, therefore, was unworthy of the title, Dafa disciple.
The next day, a local practitioner had a court hearing that I attended as an observer. After returning home, I couldn’t find my water bottle. I realized this had to so with my indulgence in reading those novels, and I was determined to stop reading them. However, the stories still lingered in my mind and interfered with me.
The third day, I was walking down some stairs while shopping on my phone for a new thermos. Just as I was about to hit the order button, I suddenly fell and sprained my right ankle. My first reaction was, “This is retribution for reading those novels.” I sat on the ground and collected my thoughts. I got up by using the handrails, and slowly walked down the stairs.
When I got home, my right foot was swollen and bruised. When I woke up the next day I couldn’t walk. My parents urged me to get the injury treated by a doctor, but I knew my injury was a result of my attachment to reading novels. I firmly believed that although I was wrong to waste my time on those novels, the evil forces did not have the right to persecute me. So, I began studying the Fa more, sending righteous thoughts, and looking inward for my attachments.
Attachment to Comfort
The first attachment I found was the attachment to comfort. The first time I opened the app to read novels, the thought that it would not take very long for me to finish reading a short story was already impure. I realized that I absolutely should not slack off in my cultivation.
I worked from home most of the time. After lunch, I should have studied the Fa or returned to work, but instead, I reclined on my chair and opened a bag of snacks. At that moment, a thought suddenly appeared in my mind, “How comfortable.” I realized that this thought was not mine. It was the first time I clearly recognized my attachment to comfort. It was so well hidden that I hadn’t seen it. The old forces made me feel comfortable in order to destroy me. When I truly realized that the attachment to comfort was not me, I was finally able to get up at midnight and finish the five exercises. Before this happened, I wasn’t able to make this breakthrough.
The swelling in my foot subsided after a few days, but the bruise became larger, and the area around my ankle still hurt. I continued studying the Fa, sending righteous thoughts and looking inward.
Attachment to Jealousy
Next, I found the attachment of jealousy. I make my living as a photographer. After spraining my ankle, I had to turn away many customers or refer them to my work partner, so I lost a large amount of income. My attachments to jealousy and vanity emerged. My customers often commented it was a pity that I had to refer them to my partner because they said they liked me better. I also became unbalanced in my mind, believing that if I hadn’t injured my foot, I would have kept these customers and made more money.
My partner usually didn’t have as many customers as I did, but now, she got most of my clients. Instead of being happy for her, I was jealous. The root cause was that this situation touched on my interests, and my attachments to fame and profit triggered jealousy.
A week later, the swelling in my foot went down significantly, and the bruising subsided, but I still limped. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate the negative entities that were persecuting my body and interfering with my ability to do the three things well.
I was saving money so I could upgrade my camera and computer. Now that I couldn’t work, I put the plan on hold. Instead of being worried that I wasn’t able to work on Dafa projects and validate the Fa; I was concerned that I couldn’t earn money to get a new camera and computer. Clearly, I hadn’t eliminated my attachments to fame and profit.
Attachment to Lust
I also discovered my attachment to lust. Before I began practicing Falun Dafa, I was very fond of watching cartoons, TV shows, and movies, as well as reading novels that contained impure content. Therefore, after obtaining the Fa in 2017, I placed great emphasis on eliminating lust, and it gradually lessened. I also passed the lust test in my dreams.
However, I recently had several dreams that contained lust-related tests. Because I’m single, the tests aren’t very direct and appear like the novels I read or the shows I watch. In the past, when scenes like these appeared in my dreams, I always thought, “I’m a Dafa cultivator and I won’t watch them,” then they disappear. But in recent dreams, I skipped the filthy parts and continued watching what happened afterward, just like when I read a novel or watched a show. Because I avoided the impure scenes, I didn’t pay attention to the reason I had these dreams.
Recently, a practitioner wrote, “Lust is an independent living being.” This statement struck me and led me to see that the desire for comfort was also an independent living being, as was lust. I asked myself, “Why hadn’t I let go of my desire to read novels? I even read them in my dreams. Isn’t it because this lusty being wants to see these things?”
When my main consciousness was weak, that being controlled me. When I felt excited reading those captivating parts, it was actually the attachment to lust that was feeling excited, not me.
I’ve been trying to curb my attachments, but I haven’t truly eliminated them from their roots. I failed to recognize that these attachments were not me, so I didn’t fundamentally negate them, leading to various issues with my body.
Nothing is trivial in cultivation. We must take each attachment seriously. When we correct ourselves, everything around us changes. I am deeply grateful to Master for protecting me. I will cultivate even more diligently to meet the standards that Master requires of Falun Dafa practitioners and be worthy of his compassionate salvation.
Please point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.
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Category: Improving Oneself
