(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1996. But due to a lack of Fa study and understanding, I didn’t truly grasp the teachings. I was heavily attached to fame, profit, and sentimentality. Even though I believed in Dafa and Master Li, my attachments hindered me from truly entering the door of cultivation. I didn’t understand what true cultivation was, so I couldn’t genuinely practice and remained lost in the ordinary world.
Eliminating the Attachment to Showing Off
A couple of years ago, I was fully aware of my attachments to showing off and pride, yet I couldn’t suppress them. When these attachments took on new forms, I was captivated by them and failed to recognize their nature. At critical moments, these attachments would manifest and, afterward, I would feel upset and confused.
For example, I was talking to practitioner Ping, and inadvertently mentioned that I had helped write a sharing article for Wei that was published on the Minghui website. Ping scolded me, “You’ve already told me this three times!” I could see that Ping was pointing out my strong attachment to showing off, and I was ashamed.
After returning home, I decided to carefully reflect on my cultivation state and resolved to calm my mind and focus on studying the Fa.
Master said:
“Whether it is your supernormal abilities or your Unlocking of Gong, you achieve them through cultivating in Dafa. If you put Dafa in a secondary place and put your supernatural powers in the primary place, or as an enlightened person you believe that what you understand one way or another is correct, or if you even regard yourself as being great and beyond Dafa, I would say that you have already started to stumble. It would be dangerous and you would become ever worse.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
My heart was shaken: Isn’t this seeking personal glory? I felt an overwhelming sense of shame. Looking back on the times I faced great tribulations, I clearly knew that compassionate Master was by my side and guiding me at every moment. It was through Master’s boundless grace that I gained immense inner strength, which allowed me to persevere and make it to today. How could I seek personal glory? Isn’t this a form of disrespecting Master and Dafa, a manifestation of ignorance and arrogance.
I had found the root of my attachment to showing off, and that deeply hidden attachment seemed to diminish significantly. I truly experienced the power of Dafa. In the days that followed, whenever the attachment to showing off arose, I could immediately recognize it and eliminate it.
Jealousy Is the Cause, Resentment Is the Outcome
For several days, I kept wondering what was preventing me from truly assimilating to the Fa. I read Zhuan Falun every day and began to calm my mind and look inward. After identifying my attachments and letting go of ego, I found that, when I studied the Fa again, I could perceive its deeper meanings and principles.
After understanding more of the Fa principles, I can now easily recognize my attachments in every thought, word, and action. Through diligent cultivation, I can gradually eliminate them.
Because I didn’t have a solid understanding of the Fa in the past, I believed that my jealousy had diminished significantly, almost as if I could no longer feel it. Now that I’ve realized that the root of my disturbed heart lies in jealousy, this cunning attachment has nowhere to hide. Since I couldn’t initially identify its root, I nurtured my jealousy over a long period of time. It transformed into a tendency to look outward and complain about others, which led to my becoming upset and harboring a lot of resentment.
In recent years, while taking care of my grandson at my son’s home, I was busy with shopping, cooking, cleaning, and doing the laundry. I didn’t fear hardship or exhaustion. I dedicated myself wholeheartedly to doing these things well. I knew that, as a Dafa practitioner, I should demonstrate the beauty and extraordinary nature of Dafa to my son and daughter-in-law. My daughter-in-law even praised me to her colleagues, saying, “My mother-in-law is especially good to me. Our home is clean and tidy, and my son is healthy and smart.”
During the time I took care of my grandson, I kept doing the three things under Master’s protection. However, my daughter-in-law and I had a conflict. She accused me of deceiving her, claiming that my kindness was just an act. She started arguing with my son and blamed me for everything. Over time, this caused my son to resent me. He would often talk back to me and argue with his wife, even expressing feelings of despair.
I then got into an argument with my son over something related to my grandson. He said sarcastically, “You’re always right. Only you know how to educate people!” I was very angry but tried to suppress it. I felt upset because my understanding of the Fa was shallow. I viewed these conflicts entirely from a human perspective. I only knew that I shouldn’t clash with my son or daughter-in-law, so I endured it, thinking, “I can’t tarnish Dafa’s reputation or let them misunderstand Dafa.”
My daughter-in-law had been deeply influenced by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and had not yet withdrawn from its organizations. I held onto the hope that, one day, I could explain the truth to her, and she would agree to quit the CCP and have a bright future. I knew I couldn’t let my shortcomings push them away. Yet, all my bitterness, grievances, and resentment bubbled up inside, and I completely fell into an ordinary mindset.
While reciting the Fa, I suddenly understood that my cultivation had been superficial—I was just trying to be a good person. I had only made surface-level changes and was performing for others, without fundamentally changing myself. I hadn’t truly regarded myself as a cultivator, nor had I strictly held myself to Dafa’s standards. No wonder my daughter-in-law called it “acting,” and my son said, “You’re always right. Only you know how to educate people.” Wasn’t I just using the Fa to correct others? It seemed I really needed to put in the effort to examine myself.
As I searched inward, I uncovered my attachment to showing off, my unwillingness to be criticized, my attachment to my grandson, and my vanity, among other things. After searching for a long time, I still couldn’t find the root cause, which ultimately led to my daughter-in-law wanting a divorce and my son harboring much resentment toward me. Whenever I spoke to him, he would lash back in anger. My sadness, pain, and resentment would then surge up, and I found myself crying.
Seeing that I wasn’t realizing my shortcomings on my own, Master enlightened me. Isn’t this jealousy? I repeatedly read the section of the Fa regarding jealousy and understood that the root cause of my disturbed heart was indeed jealousy. After comprehending this principle, I realized this jealousy manifested in my every thought, word, and action.
Reflecting on my past, I saw I often imposed my views on my son, trying to change him and believing I was always right. When he didn’t listen, I would get upset and complain about him. I even blamed him for the conflicts with my daughter-in-law, resenting him for not being a good husband, not being responsible, and not valuing his family. This deepened my grievances against him.
As for the feigned kindness to my daughter-in-law, it stemmed from vanity. I wanted to showcase myself and hear praise. Yet, as soon as someone said something negative about me, I would explode. Only after understanding the Fa principles did I realize that my unwillingness to be criticized was also a form of jealousy. This led me to look outward to seek fault in others and blame them for my problems.
I began to use the Fa to guide myself and strictly adhered to Dafa’s standards. I focused on genuinely cultivating myself to eliminate the destructive substance of resentment. I no longer harbored resentment for my son. Instead, I cultivated a mindset of compassion and tolerance through Dafa, caring for him and my daughter-in-law. I was sincere when I spoke with them, using a calm and kind tone, truly considering their feelings.
For example, my son is quite lazy and often leaves his dirty socks unwashed for days. In the past, whenever I saw this, my resentment would arise even before I opened my mouth. Obviously angry, I would say, “Hurry up and wash your socks!” But he is stubborn. The more I pushed him, the less he would want to wash them. I started to criticize and complain, which only led to him to respond negatively. I just endured it, but I wasn’t at peace. I like cleanliness and was annoyed by the stinky socks. But if I washed them for him, I would feel like I was spoiling him.
Now, when I see his socks haven’t been washed for days, I don’t get angry or upset. Instead, I calmly and kindly say, “If you have time, please wash your socks.” He usually responds in kind, saying that he’ll wash them shortly.
My son and I had disputes over how to take care of my grandson. I often felt that my son’s approach was wrong. He frequently scolded the boy and made him cry, which broke my heart. I would start criticizing my son, and our conversations would often end on a sour note. One day, while my grandson was eating, my son loudly reprimanded him. The boy started to cry and refused to eat. But this time, I didn’t get upset or argue with my son. I remained calm, as if nothing had happened.
Since then, my son’s attitude toward my grandson has softened, and he started helping him with his homework. I understood that this was meant to help me improve my xinxing. Truly, as my heart changed, my perspective shifted, my tone softened, and my son also changed. Not only did he stop raising his voice at me, he also became very respectful.
My daughter-in-law treated me just as kindly as before. I knew she was busy and tired from work, so I made an effort to care for and understand her. I started preparing good meals for her, and she was very happy. The family environment changed, and everything improved.
After identifying the root cause of my resentment, I was guided by the principles of Dafa and replaced my recurring jealousy with compassion and tolerance. As a result, I was able to let go of my long-standing resentment for my husband. In the past, I tried to let go of it in different says, but I couldn’t eliminate it because I was using human methods.
I now understand that, without the power of Dafa, what can a person truly achieve? So the only way forward is to immerse my thoughts, words, and actions in the Fa; genuinely cultivate myself; improve my xinxing; and assimilate to Dafa in order to reach the realm of selflessness that Master requires—aligning with the principle of putting others first.
After letting go of my resentment for my husband, who hadn’t a paying job for years, I was able to recover some outstanding payments for his projects. This helped us end the long-standing economic crisis in our family, and our household environment became peaceful and harmonious.
I know that my cultivation state is far from Dafa’s standards. Compassionate Master and Dafa have given me so much. As a cultivator, I can only strive to improve myself and be worthy of Master’s immense efforts. Moving forward, I must cultivate with integrity, sincerely clarify the truth, help Master to save more people, and take on the responsibilities of a Dafa practitioner. I’m determined to fulfill my historic mission and return home with Master.
The above are some of my understandings at my current level. If there are any discrepancies on my part, kindly point them out.
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
Category: Improving Oneself
