(Minghui.org) Anne had illness symptoms three years ago and asked if she could come to my place to read the Fa (teachings). Since I was working on truth-clarification projects at home and had time, I agreed.
We studied the Fa, did the exercises, and sent righteous thoughts every day. She improved significantly. I was happy for her and once again witnessed how amazing Falun Dafa is.
After staying at my place for over a month, Anne realized that she was fine. After she left I thought it was wonderful to have an environment where I could cultivate diligently with another practitioner. Anne’s illness symptoms were a warning that something was amiss in her cultivation. I did not have any insights even though we shared our understandings based on the Fa.
Anne did not say much about what may have triggered her tribulation. She just said she had conflicts with other practitioners while working on truth-clarification projects. I did not ask about the details as I know it’s not easy when we are in a tribulation—I didn’t want to add to the pressure she was already under.
I later realized my heart was moved. If her illness got worse I wondered how I would explain what happened to her husband and children who don’t practice Falun Dafa. I did not have complete trust in Master and Dafa, and I was afraid of shouldering responsibility. I should eliminate these human notions and strengthen my righteous thoughts.
Due to the COVID outbreak, many truth-clarification activities were canceled, but we were able to continue doing the exercises in the park. I could feel myself improving as I did the exercises with other practitioners. We also read the Fa and talked about our cultivation experiences and understandings.
My Cultivation Opportunity
The coordinator of the project I was involved in suddenly announced that the project was ending. I had participated in it for many years and thought it was a powerful way to clarify the truth about the persecution of Falun Dafa. However, as the team members had jobs and worked part time on the project, the number of news items we could produce was limited. I was at a loss by the sudden change. Soon after, a practitioner who worked with me on the project told me that another group was forming, but I was not asked to join them.
I knew it was an opportunity for me to improve my character, yet I could not help feeling I was treated unfairly. I put a lot of time and effort into the project. I started out by doing odd tasks. I gradually learned how to do research, conduct interviews, write scripts and do dubbing. In the process, I endured much unpleasantness. I did not expect to be suddenly dropped.
I thought: If I ask the coordinator why I wasn’t invited to join the new group, it may affect the other practitioners. I was afraid I wouldn’t handle the situation like a practitioner and I would have a conflict with the coordinator.
Even though on the surface I restrained myself, I couldn’t let it go. The incident kept bothering me.
My Realizations
When I looked within, I found my problem: Greed, I didn’t want to let go of the project. I was busy working on several projects for many years but as the requirements of each project kept increasing, I knew I lacked the ability to do them well.
Each project needs people to work on it full time, otherwise it’s hard to achieve a professional level. The coordinator once pointed out the areas that I needed to improve in: As a reporter, when I conducted interviews I did not ask the right questions; my logic was not good, the scripts I wrote did not catch people’s attention and so on.
I wanted to improve but I couldn’t. As time passed I also felt I could not meet the standards required by the project. It was a good thing—both for myself and the team that I left the project. I realized I needed to read the Fa and look inward.
Master said,
“Even if you are involved in Dafa disciples’ projects, in the heavens above there are no such things as television stations, nor do gods have newspapers. Those are forms in ordinary human society. If you don’t use righteous thoughts to guide yourself, and if you cannot manage to conduct yourself and look at the world and others according to the standard of a cultivator, like a Dafa disciple does, then you are the same as an ordinary person. (“What a Dafa Disciple Is,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume XI)
I am ashamed when I measured myself against the Fa. Master gave me several hints that I should let go of my attachment to working on projects. I thought I was clear on the Fa principles. I did not want to admit that I had so many attachments and used saving people as an excuse. I was attached to when Fa rectification would end and I was afraid I’d fall behind. I was using human notions to look at cultivation issues.
Because I was entangled in this tribulation, I frequently had negative thoughts. While I did the exercises at a practice site, my resentment boiled to the surface again. I told the other practitioners how I was unfairly treated.
One practitioner said, “Why don’t you just let the young practitioners work on the project?” I realized how strong my resentment was. If those who are more capable joined the team, wasn’t it a good thing for the whole project? How can I have so many selfish thoughts? Practitioners are a mirror for me to reflect on myself and improve my cultivation. Nothing happens by chance on the path of cultivation. Whatever I see, I should conduct myself according to the requirements of the Fa.
I gradually understood that I should focus on validating the Fa and not myself. Whether or not I am involved in projects, I should cultivate myself. As a practitioner, there is nothing in the human world I should hold onto.
Thank you, Master. Thank you, fellow practitioners, for your selfless help.
This is my understanding at my current level. Please point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.
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Category: Cultivation Insights
