(Minghui.org) Before I began practicing Falun Dafa in July 1998, I went through many hardships and almost lost hope in life. I was in my thirties. After some painful struggles, I finally gave up my plan to commit suicide and returned home to my parents.
After I began practicing Falun Dafa, I realized compassionate Master (Master Li Hongzhi, the founder of Falun Dafa) had been watching over me for years.
Cultivation Opportunities
In 1999, the Chinese Communist Party began its persecution of Falun Dafa practitioners.
Two other practitioners and I went to clarify the truth in a new housing development. The neighborhood was quite far. It was almost time for my husband to come home from work. I rushed to the supermarket to purchase groceries and hired a rickshaw to bring me home.
When I was paying the rickshaw driver, I noticed my husband waiting for me. As soon as he saw me, he cursed at me loudly in front of the rickshaw driver. I stayed calm.
Master said,
“Perhaps as soon as you step in the door, your spouse will throw a fit right in your face. If you endure it, your effort of practicing qigong today will not be in vain.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
When we entered the apartment, a practitioner was there waiting for me. She’d traveled from the country to visit. I greeted her briefly and began preparing lunch. By the time I put hot food on the table, my husband was still angry. I called him to eat. He ignored me. To ease the tension and make it less awkward for the guest, I tried to put food in his bowl. He refused, pushed his bowl away, and gave me a hateful look. I was not upset. After the practitioner left, I apologized to him.
Due to my work, my husband and I lived apart. I had to return to where I worked on Sunday or I wouldn’t make it to work on time Monday morning. Several times, I was in a rush on Sunday, so I did not finish doing the laundry or the dishes. Sometimes, I was unable to go home the following weekend because of work.
When I returned two weeks later, the laundry and dishes were still soaking the way I’d left them. Mold had grown in the pots and pans. I cleaned them without saying a word. If I hung laundry to dry on the balcony, unless I called my husband and asked him to bring it inside, the clothes would hang there forever.
My husband never bought groceries. When I went home on weekends, I bought food with my own money. He told me, “It does not matter how good you are to me. I will not thank you!” I thought it was unfair. But I then pondered, why would he say something like this? Nothing is trivial in cultivation. Perhaps I owed him from a past lifetime.
Master said,
“This is something I often say: Once you take up Dafa, whatever it is you encounter—good or bad—is a good thing (applause), for it came about only because you cultivate in Dafa. Some students experience all sorts of hardships after taking up Dafa. If you didn’t cultivate, those tribulations would lead to your destruction. But precisely because you do cultivate in Dafa, even though the pressure you face is great when the hardships come at you earlier than they would have, and the tests of your xinxing are tough to pass—and sometimes the tests may be huge—when all is said and done, those hardships are all things you need to overcome, they are accounts you need to settle, tabs that you need to pay. (Audience laughs) Aren’t they great things, then? So whether it is good things or bad things you run into, so long as you cultivate in Dafa, they are all positive, to be sure.” (Teachings at the 2005 Conference in San Francisco)
Master’s teaching helped me understand that the world’s standards are the opposite of the truth. The only way to elevate ourselves is to follow the Fa.
One Sunday morning I was at home copying Zhuan Falun. I put rice in the cooker at 10:30, and would make a stir fry when my husband came home. Our son was also home.
My husband returned at noon. Seeing me still writing at the desk, he shook the desk violently. I lost control of the pen and drew a couple of lines on the notebook. I exploded at him. He started hitting me, so I pushed him a couple of times.
Full of anger, I packed up my things and left. As I walked down the stairs, our elementary school age son ran after me and said, “Mom, is your Master testing you?”
My heart shook: How does a young child say something like this? Maybe Master was using his mouth to remind me.
I was too upset at that moment and left.
On the bus, I was sad, hungry, and fell asleep. In my dream, someone told me: “You don’t have compassion.” When I woke up, I realized Master was telling me something. I had not stayed calm, was not tolerant and did not treat my husband with compassion. The fault was mine.
The next weekend, I sincerely apologized to my husband. This time he forgave me.
Eliminating Doubt and Fear
Ten years ago, I was arrested and sentenced to five years in prison for talking to people about Falun Dafa. The judge urged my husband to divorce me, which he did out of fear. After I was released, I was jobless and homeless.
Afraid of getting caught again, I did everything in the shadow of fear. I was over cautious, especially during the COVID pandemic.
There were always groups of people at the gate to our community. I worried some of them might be plainclothes police stationed there to keep watch. I left from a different gate. When I headed home, I hurried into my apartment as fast as I could. I was afraid the neighbors would see me, and I didn’t want anyone to know which apartment I lived in.
This incorrect state of mind lasted a long time. Without righteous thoughts, I was completely guided by negativity. Master saw this and pointed it out in my dream: I was in a big market. Not far from me were two women asking the vendor to weigh some merchandise. The vendor said: “One hundred and twenty pounds.” The women did not believe him and insisted the merchandise weighed one hundred and thirty pounds. When I awoke, I realized two things: First, there were no plainclothes police at the gate, second, my suspicion is a reflection of not believing in Master and the Fa. Since then, I go in and out of the community like everyone else.
I was once out alone clarifying the truth. When I noticed a man following me, I found a bench and sat down. The man walked past and entered a side street. Taking this opportunity, I quickly walked in the opposite direction and lost him.
On my way back, I saw a parked car with a marketing slogan: “Don’t be afraid.” I knew Master was using these words to guide me. My fear disappeared, and my heart felt light.
I know Master protects me and helps me improve. However, I allowed my human notions to block me, and I felt ashamed.
A practitioner in our area was arrested. Her home was ransacked by police and community leaders. To stop them from committing crimes against Dafa, I decided to collect information about the perpetrators.
I went to their workplace. There were cameras everywhere, two on each floor. I asked Master for protection and to eliminate any interference. Quickly and smoothly, I took pictures of the telephone numbers displayed on the two floors. Many people who worked in the building walked past, and I was able to avoid them. As I was about to take a picture of a phone number, someone came out of an office behind me and asked what I was doing.
Staying calm, Master bestowed wisdom on me. I smiled and chatted with her like nothing was wrong. My demeanor eased her suspicion. I thought it was time to go, so I left. Thinking back, the situation I was in was quite scary.
The next day, I was about to send the information I collected to the Minghui website, as I wanted to expose the perpetrators’ bad deeds. Fear emerged: I just collected the phone numbers yesterday, even though I wore a mask, I took it off when I was talking to the office worker. If I sent the email, it might arouse suspicion and risk my safety. I decided to wait.
When I was sending righteous thoughts the next morning, I remembered, “Master is here, the Fa is here.” I understood that Master saw my fear and was hinting that I should put down this attachment. After breakfast, I sent the information I collected to the Minghui website.
Epilogue
I began practicing Falun Dafa 25 years ago. Looking back on the bumpy road I’ve walked, I’m in awe. All those ups and downs are precious memories for me.
Some of my past acquaintances felt that what I suffered for holding onto my faith was not worth it. They looked down at me. But some of them are sympathetic. No matter what their opinions are, I just smile. I have no regrets because I have Falun Dafa.
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Category: Improving Oneself
