(Minghui.org) The director of my department was transferred during a company restructuring two years ago, and my boss arranged for me to become the manager of my department. He then said that he would arrange an assistant manager for me, and asked about letting Joe (pseudonym) be my assistant manager. I wasn’t happy in my heart, but I said, “Okay.” I hadn’t expected this, and I felt that my boss didn’t trust me.
Joe and I worked in the same department when he started at my company, and he was later transferred to another department. Joe was very capable, and much appreciated by my boss.
Our department is in charge of four modules. My boss let me take charge of module A and let Joe take charge of modules B, C, and D. I asked how we should manage our modules, and whether we should independently manage our modules and separate staff for different modules. My boss said that the two of us should decide how we wanted to manage them, but that staff could not be separated. The staff working for module A and B were basically overlapping, because the two modules shared a lot of similar work. Previously when the company heads talked with me, the decision was that I would be in charge of module A and B, and Joe would be in charge of module C and D. My heart began to churn. I felt unbalanced and gravely humiliated. I even regretted accepting the position as manager. But knowing that I was a practitioner and I shouldn’t behave like that, I bit the bullet and accepted the arrangement.
I was a department director in a company before my current job. I left my previous company due to the persecution, and after tossing and turning many times, I came to my current company. I had been a department director for a relatively long period of time, and I was often quite arbitrary. I regarded myself as quite good and without strong attachments to fame and profit. When everything started from zero, I found it was not easy.
Joe is more lively, likes to interact with people, and is popular. Every time when my boss came to the office, he always asked, “Is Joe here?” If Joe was not there, he would just leave as if I didn’t exist. After Joe came to our department, my boss began going to Joe to ask about this architectural design and that node. Even when I asked my boss to decide something, he would say let Joe decide. Joe then proposed a plan, and I implemented it. I felt very upset at those times, thinking that Joe got all the credit yet I did all the work. My heart felt very unbalanced and was filled with anger, hatred, and grievances. I sometimes even wanted to just leave and end all of it. I even said to my boss, “Let Joe be the manager, or we can simply separate our tasks.” My boss answered, “No, that can’t be done. If Joe is not happy working here, it must be because of you!”
My boss’s words were like a stick warning hitting my head. What was going on? Something had muddled my brain. It was jealousy. I needed to let it go!
I began to not argue. Whenever I felt anger, resentment, or wronged, I suppressed the feelings. I improved a bit, but it really was not easy to let it go completely.
Once Joe and my boss were discussing a problem together. They sent me a blueprint right after the discussion and asked me to modify it. But the construction of the project had already begun some time prior. Again, anger and resentment rushed to the top of my head. I forcibly supressed the feeling. I thought that since I was a cultivator, I needed to forebear, and needed to be considerate. So I modified the blueprint patiently.
I decided to let Joe take a look and see if the modified version was what my boss wanted. Joe returned the blueprint to me quickly, with red marks all over the blueprint indicating the content to modify. I was so upset that I failed to hold my temper. I lost my temper with Joe, “Why didn’t you illustrate that on the blueprint?” All he marked were trivial matters in my opinion. But Joe insisted.
I felt that he was behaving like he was superior to others. I was his boss, yet I had to work for him, and I felt this was unfair. It was good that my righteous thoughts as a cultivator gained the upper hand. I held back, modified the blueprint again, and sent it to Joe for confirmation.
I realized that I was so upset because my job position, education, and title were all higher than Joe’s. I was arrogant. And that was why I felt it was so unfair. As I constantly studied the Fa, I could gradually calm down.
Jealousy is a very stubborn attachment, and still pops up from time to time. For example, when an average employee was allocated a single-room dorm while I had to share a room with others, my mind began to fluctuate again. I seized every opportunity to get rid of jealousy. I felt like letting go of jealousy had been in my cultivation focus for the past several years and there was a shadow of jealousy in almost every attachment.
Although I haven’t completely let go of jealousy at my current stage, I can basically take charge of myself. I now get along with Joe. When he fails to do his work well enough, I silently complete it. When he takes on a task, I withdraw from it. My supervisor said that he had never seen such a harmonious relationship between a manager and deputy. Joe has now been promoted to be director of another department. I sincerely congratulated him. I truly experience the joy and light heart that comes after eliminating jealousy.
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Category: Improving Oneself
