(Minghui.org) I began cultivating Dafa in 1998, but it wasn’t until a short time ago that I understood more the meaning of cultivation, and began the true cultivation.
Remove Idiosyncrasies
Before I began cultivation, I used to have an unreasonable temperament and was self-righteous, my coworkers called me puritanical, and my family said I was squeamish. In either case, I gave people an impression of being anti-social.
I had read all sorts of literature, from ancient to modern, as well as in Chinese and foreign languages. Popular contemporary Chinese literature is full of distorted and corrupted concepts and ideas. Subconsciously, my thoughts were corrupted. My speech became harsh and mean, but I thought it was profound. My thinking was chaotic without kindness, but I thought I had abundant food that fed the soul.
I remember an incident vividly. A coworker liked to tell dirty jokes, and I disliked him. One day, he teased me in front of many people and asked me what my impression of him was. I told him straight, “You are more annoying than flies. Flies only appear in a certain season, but you appear all year round!” He went red with embarrassment, other coworkers were stunned, and I simply walked away. Now I regret saying that. What great harm I had caused to others and what great karma I created for myself!
I studied the Fa and was glued to this paragraph,
“If it’s your idiosyncrasies formed postnatally, that is not your personality but your attachments, and they are formed postnatally. If, let’s say, some people indeed have their own traits—this person acts quickly while another is just very slow—or if there are differences among them in terms of their innate traits, then that is something that belongs to their origin. What is formed postnatally are things like, for example, the thought that goes “I just like it this way,” “That’s just how I am,” “I just like to do it this way,” or the “That’s just how I do it” that come out when doing certain things. It is wrong to treat these attachments, these idiosyncrasies, as your own traits or personality. These things all have to be removed.” (Teachings at the Conference in the Western U.S.)
Master pointed something out to me, and I looked inward and saw the “idiosyncrasy” that kept me at a certain level for a long time and prevented me from ascending. The most obvious manifestation of idiosyncrasy was that I looked down on other practitioners, I knew it must be removed, and I was determined to remove it.
When I participated in the group Fa study, I tended to pick and choose the diligent practitioners to study with. I would look down on those whom I thought had a lot of attachments, those who were unable to get rid of their attachments for a long time, and those who had attachments to showing off and competitiveness. When I teamed up with other practitioners to clarify the truth to people, I would look down on those who seemed to lack cultural literacy, those who had fear and could not shoulder responsibilities, or those who were satisfied with small achievements and not willing to be diligent. I had too many things to look down upon others. I failed to understand what cultivation practice is, and I would feel good about myself. It was only later that I realized that for all these years, other practitioners were cultivating, whereas I was being a human being.
Another manifestation of idiosyncrasy was self-righteousness. This made me feel that I would not be affected by other practitioners’ ordinary human thoughts—I was independent. I had a strong attachment to showing off and therefore, most of the time, I couldn’t accept other practitioners’ suggestions and couldn’t take others’ sharing of understandings of the Fa seriously. I could only hear my own voice reading the Fa during the group Fa study. When teaming up with others to clarify the truth, or do other Dafa projects, I would give priority to my own ideas. During experience sharing sessions, my eyes were open, but I was looking outward; my mouth was talking, but I was talking about others; my ears were closed, and I couldn’t listen to others’ suggestions. I had been looking outward, and if I were to look inward, it would be the style of self-criticism of the CCP’s indoctrination I experienced, with the real purpose of finding an opportunity to criticize others.
With self-righteousness, I had subconsciously arranged my own path of cultivation. I tended to set small goals for myself, and would be satisfied when reaching a goal. After stagnating for a period of time, I would start over again. I was tired and could not keep up with the progress of Master’s Fa-rectification. I have not been following the path of cultivation arranged by Master, and have been interfered with by the old forces. I could not become diligent or let go of my ego.
Due to Fa study, I finally realized that the things I was clinging to were nothing but factors generated by my thought karma and attachments, which were constantly exploited by the old forces. I strengthened my righteous thoughts, and set aside a time to dedicate my righteous thoughts to clearing away those corrupted elements. Meanwhile, I constantly reminded myself to let go of my ego. Master has given me the opportunity to cultivate, so I should cherish it and cherish my fellow practitioners. I should start over to practice genuine cultivation, give up the egoistical outlook on life, and cultivate my inner realm based on the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance.
Master said,
“Recognizing them is, in itself, improvement. Being able to eliminate them, or overcome them, weaken them, and in the end completely eliminate them—that process is one of continually improving yourself, and it’s the fundamental transformation of a being.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference”)
After changing my mindset and beginning to look inward, my state of cultivation has improved. In the Fa study group, a practitioner spoke against me with every sentence targeting me. My voice trembled and my breathing became uneven, but I held my tongue. When I thought about it again later, it was nothing.
In clarifying the truth, I no longer set a goal, I would just do my best in the process without doing it mechanically. After successfully speaking to each person, I would thank Master in my heart on behalf of him or her. After two hours of talking to people, sometimes there would be over 20 people who agreed to quit the CCP and its youth organizations.
I returned to the Fa study group that I had left because I looked down on the other practitioners. I thought that the cultivation of the group was slow, and I would be affected by them if I was in it. Now, I realize these practitioners were actually diligent, and each of them was solid in his or her cultivation, which I was lacking. In the course of cultivation, I truly realized that only after I let go of my ego could I reap the rewards.
Improve My Xinxing and Become Part of the One Body
In previous years, some practitioners mentioned the call for articles for Fa conferences and suggested we all participate. They wanted to write papers and asked me to help polish them, but I discouraged them, saying, among other things, we were doing poorly and had nothing to write about.
This year, my mindset has changed, and I know that the practitioners were right. Fa conferences are the most solemn and most remarkable gathering of Dafa practitioners, so many beings in the cosmos are watching. If we, as Dafa practitioners, don’t participate in our own Fa conference, how disappointed the beings in our world will be! I therefore encouraged practitioners to write their articles, and promised that I would do my best to help polish them.
In the process of helping other practitioners polish their articles, I encountered a great deal of interference, which manifested in this dimension as a serious fall, injuring my lower back. I endured the pain, polished the papers, reviewed them with the authors, and made revisions multiple times. Some articles were like a running account, while some had a lot to say but didn’t have a particular focus. After I did some reconstruction and trimming, I was blamed for leaving out content.
By expanding my heart’s capacity, and actively cooperating with practitioners, I paid attention to not looking down on others and removing my attachments to being irritable, getting things done, and resentment. I strove not to miss the opportunity to look inward and cultivate myself.
I saw how difficult cultivation was for some practitioners. Some experienced tremendous tribulations from family members, but never wavered. Some were not good at expressing themselves, but were solid in their cultivation.
In order to save other practitioners’ time and energy, I quickly finished polishing their papers, and let the authors pick a convenient time to review them with me.
During the process, I found a deficiency in my writing, which was because I fell short in cultivation. Sometimes other practitioners wanted me to help express their feelings more accurately, but I was unable to do so, partly because I could not understand their realm of cultivation, and because of the interference I still experienced from the remaining CCP’s indoctrination in me.
There were so many aspects that I needed to improve on and attachments that I needed to remove. This was really an incomparably precious opportunity for me to improve in cultivation.
I could not have come through the tribulations and tests without Master’s protection and strengthening. Every trial and tribulation brought me closer and closer to Master, and the more I melted into the Fa.
Every Dafa practitioner is walking his or her own cultivation path, fulfilling his or her vows. I can only cherish the privilege of becoming a fellow practitioner of theirs, forming a sacred bond, and advancing diligently together!
I don’t know how much further the path of cultivation I will go, but I know that Master is ahead, and I will keep moving forward!
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Category: Improving Oneself
