(Minghui.org) I have practiced Falun Dafa for many years, but I didn’t truly cultivate myself. I even negatively affected my local Fa-study environment.
I was young when I began practicing. Soon afterward, I was free from illness and understood the true meaning of life. I was thrilled, and I told everyone I knew how wonderful Falun Dafa is. I also helped other practitioners buy Dafa books, made audio recordings of Master Li’s lectures for them, and organized activities. I was very busy—but I didn’t realize I had an attachment to zealotry and doing things.
After the persecution began in 1999, few practitioners in my area clarified the truth about Dafa. I realized we should do this, so I visited the others and shared my thoughts with them. I told them what I did and pressured them to do the same.
Whenever I enlightened to some Fa principles, I wanted others to read the same lecture or article. When practitioners had tribulations, I criticized them and said they must have done something wrong. My words put a lot of pressure on them.
When I overheard practitioners tell people about Falun Dafa, I explained how I spoke to people because I believed I did a better job. The others gradually developed negative opinions about me, but I felt good about myself.
One practitioner told me that some practitioners thought I liked to impose my ideas on them. I didn’t understand. How could that be? I thought I was doing it for the good of everyone! I then realized that practitioner was compassionately trying to help me.
I spent more time studying the Fa and looking inward. I saw many areas in which I could improve and realized I had a strong ego and insisted on my opinions. I did not behave like a cultivator. Instead, I was arrogant and presumptuous. I did not listen to other peoples’ opinions and usually contradicted them. My cultivation state was shaky.
I decided to correct myself by listening more and speaking less. I then contacted a practitioner I knew I’d hurt and sincerely apologized to him. He was moved to tears.
But some gaps are hard to get close. Even though I saw my issues and wanted to improve, others avoided me. When I suggested something, they just smiled. No one said anything. They finally confided that they didn’t speak up because I thought I was better than everyone else and often used the Fa principles to pressure them.
Truly Cultivating Myself
Last year, I wanted to study the Fa with two other practitioners. They agreed, but I felt they were reluctant to tell me much. I realized that I’d hurt them and still had many attachments to remove. I knew I had to be humble, communicate sincerely with my fellow practitioners, and admit my shortcomings.
I was honest about my shortcomings and admitted my mistakes. When they saw that I sincerely wanted to correct myself, they revealed that I always did too much. They also shared that no one dared to argue with me. In fact, they once even wrote an article about how I interfered with practitioners, but then decided it was better to cultivate themselves instead of sending it to the Minghui website.
This shook me up, so you can imagine how much I must have disturbed the local cultivation environment. Through this exchange with other practitioners, I felt Dafa’s compassionate energy.
One practitioner sternly criticized me and said it was bad to look outward and interfere with other practitioners. I couldn’t accept this, because I felt I had already admitted my shortcomings. But I kept my mouth shut.
Master said,
“But since you have started cultivating, if you can’t achieve this right now, then you still really must hold it in.” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Houston)
I decided to listen to Master’s words and hold it in, so I didn’t defend myself.
Another practitioner shared that I had been like this for years and refused to change. I couldn’t take it and felt depressed afterwards. I knew it was time for me to improve, and that everything they said was for my own good.
After I read the Fa, looked inward, and communicated with fellow practitioners, I knew I still had resentment, a competitive mindset, and jealousy. I only wanted to be praised, not criticized. But these thoughts were not my “true” self.
I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate these attachments and human notions. I knew I had fallen behind, and Master arranged for other practitioners to help me improve quickly.
I also realized that I needed to remove elements of Chinese Communist Party culture and not go to extremes. Practitioners slowly began sharing more of their thoughts with me. I now know how important it is to cultivate one’s speech. I should speak less and not accuse anyone or complain.
I seldom speak loudly now, even at home. I always discuss things with my family members before I do anything. I also no longer argue or defend myself when I’m treated unfairly. I learned to think of others first, and I stopped focusing on their shortcomings. I often remind myself that only cultivating oneself is true cultivation.
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Category: Improving Oneself
