(Minghui.org) I’ve been involved in projects to clarify the truth for more than ten years. The other practitioners and I cooperated well, but last year, Ying became suspicious of me and she would occasionally be confrontational. Her behavior surprised me, and I sometimes failed the ensuing xinxing tests.
Last month, when she began acting strangely again, I initially ignored it, but, when she directly rebuked me I became upset. She and I had agreed on how to handle a certain project, but the coordinator had a different opinion. I thought we should respect coordinator Gao’s opinion, so I did the project according to her opinion. Ying was obedient to Gao and would not argue with her even if she had questions. This time, although the outcome was clearly Gao’s responsibility, Ying chose to find fault with me. I felt wronged and thought that Ying bullied the weak and feared the strong. I finally told her I would no longer work with her and she should find other practitioners to work with.
I wasn’t sure if I was correct, and I asked myself if I am a true cultivator and could I continue cultivating? The answer was yes.
Master said,
“Whether you can practice cultivation all depends upon whether you can endure, sacrifice, and suffer. If you can commit your mind, no difficulties can stop you. I would say that there is not a problem.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I wondered what I should do. Cultivation is serious; was I truly cultivating if I quit the project and stopped talking to the practitioner who didn’t cooperate with me? I once made a vow to Master and promised that I would become a Falun Dafa practitioner in this lifetime. Would I be worthy of His salvation if I quit? Would I be worthy of the hope those sentient beings I was responsible for placed in me? I told myself I shouldn’t treat this project casually, regardless of how difficult the situation became.
I went to see Ying, and we both apologized for our behavior. I thought this incident was over, but more xinxing tests were coming. For the next few days, my thoughts were full of Ying’s faults, and past incidents flashed through my mind like a movie. Before I practiced cultivation, I didn’t get along well with Ying. We ignored each other, and people said we were enemies. But Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance turned our hostility into friendship, we became fellow cultivators, and people witnessed our changes.
We have now been practicing Falun Dafa for years and we would look within whenever conflicts arose. Yet six months ago Ying told me that I treated her differently. I felt I treated her the same as I did the other practitioners because we are all Master’s disciples. I was not happy and began developing negative opinions about her, although I didn’t say anything. Even though she later apologized to me, I thought she was not sincere.
I was angry and could only think about her past misdeeds. But I realized it would be dangerous if I continued to go along with my negative thoughts. I tried to suppress them, but I was unable to, so I decided to recite the Fa.
Master said,
“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.”(“Realms” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I repeatedly recited Master’s words and finally understood that my jealousy caused my resentment. I decided to memorize the last paragraph about jealousy in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun. However, I had difficulty committing it to memory, as I felt some bad elements were blocking me. Whenever I tried to memorize the Fa, my husband would interfere with me by playing videos on his mobile phone. I knew the old forces didn’t want me to study the Fa and were trying to drag me down. I went to another room to memorize the Fa, and I also recited the Fa while preparing meals. Then, suddenly, I had severe pain in my lower abdomen, I went to use the toilet and discharged many bad substances. I knew Master had removed the root cause of my jealousy.
After I recited the Fa on jealousy repeatedly, I realized that I was attached to finding fault with Ying. Master’s compassion woke me up. I know I must listen to Master and let go of jealousy!
When I look back on my cultivation path over the past 27 years, I realize that Master has been raising me to higher levels and protecting me. Every step that I walked since the persecution started couldn’t have been achieved without His guidance and protection. Master has sacrificed so much to take care of me! What can’t I let go of? Being jealous of other practitioners is absolutely wrong. As soon as I had this understanding, I felt relieved and happy. Afterward, I went out to clarify the truth to people, and everyone smiled at me.
Thank you, fellow practitioners who helped expose my hidden jealousy!
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Category: Improving Oneself
