(Minghui.org) I have been cultivating for 28 years, but still have difficulty reaching the state a cultivator should be in. It’s mainly because my notions have blocked me from improving my innate character. Thanks to Master Li, Falun Dafa’s founder, I have finally started to understand cultivation. The following is my understanding of the Fa after looking within and striving to make improvements.
I have been working for the government since I graduated from college. I’ve been heavily influenced by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture after working in its system for dozens of years. I couldn’t tell good from bad. For example, at work I made detailed plans about what to do in each window of time, but kept making changes as soon as I got used to a schedule. I also measured how diligent I was in my cultivation according to how much I slept. To prevent myself from developing the attachment to comfort, I slept on a hard bed board without taking off my clothes. A lot of my time got wasted, and I became exhausted.
I was burdened by my notions and controlled by the CCP’s way of thinking. I forced myself into certain behaviors instead of cultivating my character diligently or gaining a better understanding of the Fa. I didn’t know that a truly diligent cultivator should put his heart into doing the three things with righteous thoughts.
Master has told us,
“A notion, once formed, will control you for the duration of your life, influencing your thinking and even the full gamut of emotions, such as your happiness, anger, sorrow, and joy.” (“Buddha Nature,” Zhuan Falun Volume II)
“As a cultivator, you must cultivate and temper yourself in the environment of everyday people and gradually abolish attachments and various desires. Oftentimes, what our humankind considers good is usually bad from the perspective of high levels. Thus, what people consider good for a person is to fulfill more self-interest among everyday people, thereby living a better life. To the great enlightened beings, this person is worse off. What’s so bad about this? The more one gains, the more one infringes upon others. One will get things one does not deserve. This person will be attached to fame and profit, thus losing de.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I always thought Master was talking about other people, because I took personal interests lightly and never fought for my own benefits. However, I did fight for my employees’ personal interests, such as housing allocation, promotions, etc. Many said I was a good person, and I also felt good about myself.
One night I had a dream in which Master hinted that I didn’t cultivate myself well. I didn’t know what was wrong because I measured myself with the degenerated criteria in society and always thought that I was better than others. As a matter of fact, I had a hidden attachment to my reputation. My personal gain manifested when I received everyone’s praise. After I gained a better understanding of the Fa, I realized that my struggle for my employees’ personal interests had harmed others and caused my employees to lose virtue.
I used to think there was nothing wrong with my actions because I only made phone calls and didn’t bribe anyone. However, that’s not the case. It was using my privilege and power. I asked myself, “Am I a Falun Dafa practitioner if I don’t follow Master’s teachings? Isn’t what I have done going with the flow of ordinary people?”
In addition, I used to think I was righteous and firm on the Fa’s principles, but I realized I was actually cunning. A practitioner once told me that I was cunning, but I didn’t get it, giving this rebuttal, “I have never embezzled anything, though I work for the government. I’m the most righteous. You businessmen are cunning. You’re always calculating how to make more money!”
After gaining a better understanding of the Fa, I realized that I aligned with the CCP culture. I helped people evade the rules at work, but thought I wasn’t at fault because I only gave advice and didn’t violate the rules myself.
People have praised me for being capable of getting things done. In fact, I simply used my connections. As soon as something was mentioned, my first thought was who was the best person to call. My mind seemed to be manipulated by this way of thinking. Taking advantage of connections is essentially exchanging each other’s power for personal interests in the CCP system. The nature of the CCP and living beings in this degenerated, old universe is extremely selfish.
Master taught us,
“Changes must occur starting with your nature. Only that counts as genuinely changing yourself. In other words, you have to be responsible to yourself in cultivation, and you have to genuinely change yourself and let go of the bad things that you are attached to deep inside—only that is true letting go.” (Teachings at the Conference in the Western U.S.)
Improving our xinxing is the most essential, and failing to do so is equivalent to not cultivating at all. In this special period of cultivation during which the Fa-rectification approaches the end, I have to keep in mind my great responsibility as a Falun Dafa disciple and follow Master’s teachings to solidly and genuinely cultivate myself.
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Category: Improving Oneself
