(Minghui.org) I read some articles on minghui.org recently that related to the attachment of jealousy, which helped me to look at myself. I would like to share my experiences on this topic.
A Long-standing Problem
When I was a student, I preferred to dress in a certain unique style, and felt uncomfortable when someone dressed in the same way I did. Master Li (the founder of Falun Dafa) recently gave me a hint to help me see that my thoughts were an attachment.
If a piece of clothing I owned did not look good on someone, I would no longer wear it. If a piece of clothing I had looked great on someone, I’d also not wear it, thinking that it may not look as good on me. Doesn’t jealousy cause this behavior?
When I began practicing Falun Dafa many years ago, other practitioners and I once read the section on “Jealousy” in Zhuan Falun, the main teachings of Falun Dafa. Thinking that I did not have any manifestation of jealousy, I felt pretty good. Thinking back now, I am actually ashamed of myself.
Master Li said:
“When I teach the Fa, I often bring up the issue of jealousy. Why is this? It is because jealousy manifests very strongly in China. It is so strong that it has become natural and people do not even notice it.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
Thinking back, I was the kind of person that Master mentioned in his lecture, and I did not know that I was feeling jealousy. Over the past 20-plus years, I read the Dafa teachings every day and did the three things. However, I did not fully understand when I read practitioners share about paying attention to every thought to make sure it is consistent with Dafa in their experience sharing articles on Minghui. I now realize that this is necessary to be a genuine practitioner.
Various Manifestations
During the pandemic, I began memorizing and reciting Zhuan Falun, and tried to rectify my every thought. I found that many of my problems were related to jealousy. One day on my way to work, I saw a woman dressed in a mink coat searching in a roadside trash bin while smoking a cigarette. I felt unbalanced, thinking, “Why are you picking through the trash when you are so wealthy?”
I once saw a woman named Zhao passing by, driving a white car. She used to live in the countryside and divorced her husband because he didn’t make enough money. Her new husband often worked in another city and is also not very rich. I thought to myself, “You are almost 50. Why do you like to show off so much?”
When I met practitioner Lan, another practitioner named Ling was also there. Since I had not seen Ling before, Lan asked me, “Can you tell her [Ling’s] age by looking at her?” I was a little envious and said, “Sorry, I cannot tell.” In my mind, I was thinking, “Yes, she does look much younger. So what?” Looking back, I realize that this was jealousy, and it was filthy. I should be happy when a practitioner looks younger than her age since this is a way to validate Dafa.
There were also other manifestations of my jealousy. For example, when practitioners shared their cultivation experiences, I often became impatient, thinking, “Why waste time on something so trivial?” Actually, my thinking showed my shallow understanding.
In fact, this problem started many years ago. Back in the 1980s, my younger brother was admitted to a university, and everyone in the family was happy. But I thought, “You did not study as hard as I did. How do you deserve that?”
After getting married, I became upset when my husband talked and laughed with other young women. I even imagined the situation becoming severe, and held on to those illusions. Sometimes, such thinking affected my life.
Cultivating in Dafa and Eliminating Jealousy
I realize that all these thoughts are caused by jealousy and are related to bad human notions as well as the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture.
Master Li said:
“Therefore, he competes and fights all his life with a badly wounded heart. He might feel very bitter and tired, always finding things unfair. Being unable to eat or sleep well, he feels sad and disappointed. When he gets older, he will end up in poor health and all kinds of illnesses will surface.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
When I read this paragraph, I felt as if Master was talking about me. I was only in my 30s, but I had all kinds of illnesses. I now know they were related to my attachment of jealousy. When discussing jealousy with another practitioner, we felt it was like a double-edged sword that harms both ourselves and others.
I am very grateful that Master Li has saved me and cleansed me. When I was memorizing the Falun Dafa teachings, Master Li eliminated the bad substances in me. Jealousy still surfaced from time to time, but I was able to catch it and work on it. I now realize that jealousy is also connected with other attachments such as showing off, lust, vanity, looking down on others, competitiveness, and resentment.
While I was writing this article, I had a dream in which I was walking on a road that was covered in wet manure. There was so much manure that my feet were immersed in it, and it then creeped up and covered my body like a coat, and only my eyes were visible. When I walked faster, the manure became thicker. At the end of the road, I saw several tree branches with green leaves, and I emerged from a cave.
Then, I was walking on a broad road that was submerged in deep still clear water. I lay in the water and rolled around to remove the black manure. Somehow I had changed into summer clothing. I moved forward with my body submerged in, but my head above, the water. I ran into some of my classmates, and chatted with them. After a while I wanted to get into the water to clean my hair.
Upon waking up, I realized that the black manure was jealousy combined with elements of the CCP Party culture. Both are filthy and dense. After Dafa helped me recognize this attachment, I decided to get rid of those filthy things, which Master helped me do. However I was attached to comfort, and did not want to clean myself with my own effort. I stayed in the water and relied on Master’s effort to keep me clean. Seeing my classmates in the dream implied that I could learn from other practitioners and share this with practitioners so we can improve together.
The above is my understanding. Please let me know if anything is inconsistent with the Falun Dafa teachings.
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Category: Improving Oneself
