(Minghui.org) Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, once said:
“I said that everyone in the world was part of my family.” (Teachings Given on Lantern Festival Day, 2003)
None of the people around Dafa disciples appear by chance. Each has karmic connections with us over many lifetimes. Their only purpose for being connected to us is to wait for Dafa's salvation.
I have always thought that there are people in my life who are extremely difficult to get along with, who have hearts of “glass” – referring to someone whose feelings are easily hurt, and who are “landmines” – someone who is easily irritated.
However, after experiencing constant conflicts with such people and through active cultivation and looking within, I discovered that others' behavior is actually a manifestation of my own behavior. I have always had temper tantrums but I have long ignored them, and instead chose to look outward. A good example would be in my dealings with my mother.
This was how I viewed my mother in the past: Although she graduated from a university, apart from professional knowledge, her understanding of the world was basically based on hearsay, mainly from the Internet; she knew nothing about culture, history, and art, and does not have good taste or style. Her manners were rude, her outfits tacky and often grease stained. I had to rewash the utensils she washed since they were still greasy. She was impatient and irritable, and she would have outbursts and raise her voice at any time. Outrageous would not be an overstatement to describe her at all.
My father had kept his distance, saying very little to her. I had no choice but to find a way to coexist harmoniously with this minefield of a mother after I began to practice Falun Dafa. I was often so angry with her that I cried while meditating. I even wondered: How could such a rational person as my father, marry such an unreasonable woman?!
I was persecuted before, and when I mentioned the truth about Dafa and quitting the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) to my mother, it was like stepping on a landmine, which exploded immediately and we couldn’t communicate at all! Because she rejected the topics of the truth about Dafa and quitting the Party, I was disgusted and felt resentful towards her. I did not even want to call her Mom.
My resentment and contempt for my mother directly affected my ability to save her. I knew I had to break through this situation. However, only Dafa and Master can save her. As a Dafa disciple, I must follow Master's requirements and transcend the various emotional entanglements.
At first, my strategy was to avoid the “minefield.” Later, as my xinxing improved, I realized that the fuse that detonated the landmine was actually my attachment. My mother was the person who worked hard to show me who I truly was – a person full of attachments.
Master told us:
“If you, as Dafa disciples, want to effect change in a person when you clarify the truth and want to save him, you must not arouse the negative elements in that person. You must hold to being shan, and only then can you resolve problems that may arise and save that person.” (Fa Teaching Given at the 2009 Washington, D.C. International Fa Conference Collected Teachings Given Around the WorldVolume IX)
Was I kind? No! I was resentful of my mother. I resented her for not understanding the truth, for being deceived by the evil Party, and for having prejudices against Dafa. I disliked her and wanted to keep my distance.
Facing my mother, I was wrapped in resentment, a resentment that, on the surface, was for the sake of protecting Dafa but, in essence, was protecting myself: if you do not acknowledge my choice to practice Dafa, I will look down upon you. How could she acknowledge that Dafa is good when I did not live out the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance?
When I look at my mother objectively and comprehensively, I realize that she has many good qualities. She is very kind and extends a hand to anyone who is distressed and needs help; she did not pursue fame and fortune; she used to lead many projects at work and worked diligently; she has won many awards, and never bragged about them.
My mother still tried to do all the household chores herself so as to not burden her children, even when she was in her 80s. She had a strong sense of family, and in addition to her work, she took good care of her family. She herself was not particular about food and clothing, but she was generous to her children.
She was hard-working, kind, studious, obliging, traditional, and self-disciplined. She refused to talk about Dafa-related topics because she was afraid that her daughter would be persecuted again.
I didn’t realize that my mother had so many good qualities. Looking back, when I looked down upon my mother, what kind of human heart and attachments did I have then?
When I dislike my mother for not having grace and being uncultured, does that reflect my intense pursuit of fame and a show-off mentality? People pursue elements such as beauty, grace, eloquence, and knowledge to show off and elevate themselves. My mother’s perceived imperfections reflect my attachments to pursue what ordinary people consider good! I should be grateful for her and hurry to rectify myself, but instead, I developed resentment and complaint.
I dislike my mother’s untidiness, but how well do I do? My husband often criticizes me for not keeping the kitchen tidy. He could clean a pot and make it look brand new. I only see flaws in others but not me. To help me improve, Master arranged for my mother to show me my problems.
I complained about my mother’s impatience and outbursts. On the other hand, I had an attitude in front of her; I refused to eat the food she prepared for me and the clothes she purchased; I stayed away from her; I formed a field of resentment, upset, aloofness, and apathy. How could she accept Dafa’s truth from me?
After I understood these principles clearly, I decided to practice Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance in every aspect of my life. I began to respect and appreciate my mother. I focused on the good in her and her strengths, spoke to her in a friendly manner, and let her arrange everything in her life as she pleased, including what she ate and what she likes to wear.
If her clothes were not clean, I would clean them for her; if the pots and pans were not clean, I would wait until she went to bed and clean them again. I was able to understand and appreciate how hard she worked for the family. I often praised her for her virtue and shared with her what I learned. Gradually, my mother changed. She became peaceful and kind, no longer hostile toward Dafa.
Now, my heart is full of gratitude to my mother and to Master. Master compassionately enlightens me, patiently waiting for me to wake up, and encouraging me to save those whom I should save.
I want to share my experience and understanding with fellow practitioners. We must cultivate ourselves, look within ourselves, and rectify ourselves. We can solve all problems!
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Category: Improving Oneself
