(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in late 1998. Below is my cultivation experience while involved in the process of rescuing a fellow practitioner who was arrested by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
Discovering Jealousy
I have known practitioner Jia for more than 10 years. We have lived together for the last few years. She has an honest, sincere, kind, responsible personality, and takes cultivation very seriously.
My personality is quite the opposite. I am introverted and quiet. I have come to learn the gravity of cultivation through diligent Fa study during the past years. Previously, my attempts to look within were superficial, and also lacked genuine cultivation of myself. Because I never acknowledged my attachment of jealousy during my cultivation the attachment revealed itself when we were rescuing a fellow practitioner. This eventually led to a desire for revenge.
Practitioner Ling joined our rescue effort because of her previous experience in rescuing other practitioners who had been arrested. One afternoon, while discussing our next steps, Jia went to Ling’s house, while Ling headed to Jia’s house. At that time I was at Jia’s home, so I told Ling that Jia had gone to her house to find her. She smiled and said, “We really have a telepathic connection.”
My expression immediately changed after hearing this. Seeing Ling’s smiley face struck me negatively. I thought, “You’ve only known Jia for a few days, how can you say that?” My negative thoughts and attachments, including jealousy, resentment, and irrational thoughts surfaced without my realizing it. I was not genuinely happy for other practitioners, but instead felt uneasy.
Afterward, I looked within. Why was I so upset with Ling’s words? Before this incident, I heard Ling say to Jia, “We cooperate well together,” and there are other similar things. All these events played out inside my head. Jia and I have known each other for over 10 years and have been through a lot. Ling has known her for less than three months. Is Ling jealous of our time together? Would she be happy if we were separated? Jia and I had been steady in our cultivation and had not met anything that could affect our character on our journey of helping Master rectify the Fa, thus Ling’s words had a profound impact on me.
Master said,
“And maybe the person really did treat you wrongfully. But, those words weren’t necessarily said by that person. Perhaps they were said by me. (Everyone laughs) I want to see how you handle things at the time. When you butt heads with that person, it actually equates to butting heads with me.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume X)
Perhaps, through Ling, Master was testing me, showing me my negative thoughts—jealousy, competitiveness, resentment, and lust—so I could recognize and eliminate them. Nothing that happens to a cultivator is by accident. The people we meet at any stage of life were compassionately arranged by Master to help us improve our character and eliminate attachments.
Jealousy made me reject Ling and not cooperate with other practitioners. Several times, I wanted to give up and even developed a desire for revenge. I thought about packing up and leaving so they couldn’t find me. I didn’t consider us as a team. When I couldn’t achieve the results that I wanted, I resorted to thoughts of revenge. How selfish those thoughts were! My attachment of jealousy was so intense, and my heart was so narrow!
As long as I didn’t forget the goal of saving sentient beings, my sacred vow, and my responsibilities, these human thoughts will not hinder my path forward. Since I am assisting Master in rectifying the Fa, I should not be hindered by such interference.
Jealousy, in particular, must be eliminated. I didn’t realize that jealousy could turn into a desire for revenge. This experience taught me to recognize and disintegrate this human emotion when it arises, and therefore it can no longer interfere with me. I genuinely thank Ling for helping me recognize that I was jealous and had to improve my character.
Finding Fundamental Attachments
During our discussions, we learned that Ling had not been diligent in doing the exercises. This resulted in her becoming overweight.
Jia and I usually get up early each day to do the five exercises. We also encourage other practitioners to maintain a consistent exercise schedule. Jia decided to encourage Ling to do the exercises more diligently by staying at her house two or three days a week, doing the exercises and studying the Fa in the mornings until Ling developed the habit of following the schedule. Despite the distance and hot weather, Jia persevered. Her dedication and responsibility toward fellow practitioners moved me.
Human thoughts are complex. They sometimes fluctuate, and are sometimes good or at other times bad. After Jia went to Ling’s home a few times, I thought that continuing like this might delay our efforts to distribute truth-clarification materials and help save people. Ling’s issue was a personal matter of cultivation. Was it necessary to visit her so frequently? The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. In reality, I was using the pretext of saving people to cover up my jealousy. When Jia returned, I told her to stop going, as it might affect us doing the three things. Jia disagreed and reminded me that my attachment of jealousy had resurfaced, and urged me to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it.
Jia continued to do what she felt was right. Since meeting Ling, I felt a distance growing between Jia and me. Each time Jia returned from Ling’s house, she seemed different, which made me feel resentful and a bit alienated from Ling. I thought, once this project is over, I will no longer interact with Ling.
In fact, the evil was exploiting my attachment to create a distance between practitioners. I was not looking within. Instead, I was going along with the attachment and negative thoughts, looking outward. I even imagined, if Jia often visited Ling, how could we continue to cooperate in doing the three things? The more I thought about it, the more painful my heart felt. It was as if I was losing something and I felt lonely and hurt. Crying, I wondered what was wrong with me. Was it still jealousy at work or my own selfishness? In that moment, Master helped me realize the emotional trauma from my unfortunate marriage.
Master said:
“It isn’t wrong for human beings in this world to yearn with these attachments for the nice things they pursue and desire. But a cultivator definitely should not be that way. You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the course of cultivation, through reading the books, studying the Fa, and diligently making progress, you should manage to clearly recognize what your thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you have not discarded your fundamental attachments and have failed to understand the Fa from the Fa.” (“Towards Consummation”, The Essentials of Diligent Progress II)
After reading this paragraph, a veil was lifted from my mind, and I suddenly realized that I had been using Dafa to satisfy my own desires.
Having had an unhappy marriage, I sought emotional refuge in Dafa, hoping to find a happy life while cultivating. I feared losing everything I had, including my dependence and affection for Jia. For many years, I did not see my fundamental attachment. However, this time, I found it, and I am grateful for Master’s compassionate guidance and protection.
When there seems to be discord among practitioners, it is the evil taking advantage of our attachments to create a distance and hindering us from assisting Master in saving sentient beings. This is a common tactic used by the old forces. Practitioners must trust Master and the Fa; trust Dafa, and follow Master’s teachings. Any elements that are not righteous can be dissolved by Dafa.
The path of cultivation is not yet over. Master has endured so much to provide more time for us. Let us cherish this precious opportunity for cultivation during the Fa-rectification. I am fortunate to be Master’s disciple, and I am grateful for Master’s protection. Let’s cherish this final leg of the journey, do the three things well, live up to Master’s expectations, and return to the heavens with Master.
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Category: Improving Oneself
