(Minghui.org) I went to a Fa study meeting one evening. My mom went to a farmer’s market, and then came to the meeting. She told me she bought a big bag of carrots for a great price. She asked me to take them home and bring them to her the next day, because she couldn’t carry them upstairs. I was annoyed. She bought more carrots than she needed just because they were cheap. I told her, “I won’t take them home. I told you not to buy any more carrots, but you won’t listen.” Mom replied, “I bought them because I didn’t want to ask you to buy them for me. I try not to trouble anyone.” I looked inward when I realized I made her unhappy.
I shouldn’t have told my eighty-year-old mom “no.” I wasn’t in the least compassionate, and I realized I haven’t completely eliminated my problem of getting irritated easily. I also realized I didn’t want to be bothered—I was unwilling to help others, and carrying heavy things upstairs was tiring. My attachment made me want to avoid going through troubles myself—instead, I wanted others to do the hard work.
I agreed to take the carrots. After my mom left, a fellow practitioner asked me, “What’s wrong with buying things at a good price? You don’t want to spend more money than you have to, do you?” I didn’t explain myself or argue with her.
Master told us,
““He’s right,And I’m wrong,”What’s to dispute?” (“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong,” Hong Yin III)
I felt that what the practitioner said wasn’t completely right, and that I should share my understanding with her. I couldn’t sleep that night, thinking about what happened and which attachments I hadn’t eliminated.
After I did the exercises in the morning, I suddenly realized I had an attachment to buying things cheaply. When I went shopping, I also bought things that were on sale. It didn’t seem to matter if I really needed the items. When I needed to dry-clean my winter coat, I asked for prices at several dry cleaners and chose the one with the lowest price. Wasn’t it because of my attachment to personal interest? I measured others’ behaviors with the Fa, but haven’t been strict with myself. I told Master in my heart, “I was wrong!”
I observed that my mom has an attachment to ego. She enjoys chatting and showing off. When I reflected on myself, I realized I not only had the same attachment, but mine was strong. It was past time for me to eliminate this attachment. No wonder some practitioners told me that I tried to win arguments by quoting the Fa. I noticed that some practitioners did the same thing. Their behavior should have been a mirror for me.
In fact, I’ve often shown off in front of my mom, as if I knew more about the principles of the Fa than she does. I simply appeared to know more, but I ignored all the attachments she already eliminated. When her behavior indicated some attachments she hadn’t yet identified, I treated it with my strong attachment to sentiment and reputation. I really mustn’t miss this opportunity to improve myself. I must gain a better understanding of the Fa.
My strong attachment to myself was clearly shown in my unwillingness to be bothered, my irritable temper, in my attachment to cheaper prices and reputation, as well as my arguing with others by quoting the Fa. I have to correct myself according to the Fa and quickly improve.
My determination to eliminate my attachment was tested when the other practitioners and I talked about our cultivation experiences. A practitioner brought up a topic and shared his understanding. I wanted to say something, but my second thought was that it was fine for him to have his own understanding.
When another practitioner said, “He’s right,” I didn’t really agree. However, I didn’t want to say so, out of self-protection. Instead, I said, “Why do you always bring it up?” He was upset and said loudly and sternly, “Aren’t we supposed to share our understandings?” I was a little unhappy, but didn’t realize that my unhappiness was an indication that I didn’t want to be criticized.
After a while, the same practitioner told me, “You’re attached to yourself and always think you’re right. No wonder Mei (a new practitioner) mentioned this.” My temper flared, but I suddenly realized that I shouldn’t fall into the trap. The reason he brought up the new practitioner’s comment about me must be because of my attachment. I should let it go and eliminate it. I didn’t say anything, and instead, I smiled.
My ego must be very stubborn. It kept surfacing when I was off guard. I didn’t see it until the practitioner pointed it out. I just wanted to hear pleasing words. My ego wanted to argue, but I stopped it today when it surfaced. It incited me to get mad, argue, and protect it from any harm. How stubborn it was!
I’m so glad that I identified my strong ego with that practitioner’s help. I’m determined to eliminate it. It’s not my true self. I definitely don’t want it. I’ll cultivate myself and be truly altruistic, which is the characteristic of the new universe.
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Category: Improving Oneself
