(Minghui.org) The persecution of Falun Dafa began six months after I started practicing. I lost my cultivation environment, and because my enlightenment quality was low, I stopped cultivating for ten years.
After I resumed cultivation, I was busy with my job and could not extricate myself from attachments to fame, profit, and sentimentality. I stagnated after every small improvement. I clung to human things with one hand and divine things with the other. I felt distressed when I tried to find the state a cultivator should be in. I felt agonized but was not able to break through.
Eliminate Attachments to Remove Sickness Karma
I experienced severe physical discomfort this March, with abdominal and lower back pain, a low-grade fever, discolored urine, heart palpitations, and weakness.
I was fearful and went to see fellow practitioner Xuan. She told me to immediately negate the old force’s persecution and look inward to find the attachments I hadn’t eliminated for a long time. We sent righteous thoughts together. I felt much better the next day, but the pain fluctuated, so I intensified my sending righteous thoughts and did the standing exercises twice every day.
During a group Fa study session, I felt a warm current travel from my head to my toes. I knew Master was purifying my body; my pain disappeared. My body felt good for days, but then I began to slack off again. I read novels and watched videos on my cellphone. My pain returned and was more severe this time. I realized my big mistake of taking Master’s compassion for granted.
One day, the toilet at home was clogged. When I was cleaning it, I noticed the ceiling was leaking, and the water dripped on my head. I thought, “Wow, what’s this about? What problem was this showing me? What did I do wrong?”
The toilet was clogged by fecal matter (shi), and the words shi and si (selfish) are homophones in Chinese. I had been lax and not diligent in cultivation; but when sickness karma threatened my safety, I became alert, and was able to look at things from the Fa standpoint and do the three things Master requires of us. Still, once the crisis was over, I slacked off again and sought comfort and enjoyment in human things. I was cultivating with a selfish heart. I was cultivating for selfish reasons, and I was taking advantage of Dafa to fulfill my filthy, selfish desires.
Although I sent righteous thoughts during this period, my motivation for doing so was selfish; I wanted to eliminate the sickness karma and feel comfortable. For a long time, I didn’t read the Fa, send righteous thoughts, or clarify the truth to save people. I was only concerned with myself but not others; wasn’t that being selfish?
I thought I let go of the fear of life and death, but deep down, I still had pessimistic thoughts and avoided suffering. I didn’t value my own life or Dafa.
After realizing all this, I confessed to Master and became determined to change. Master once again helped me remove the karma, and the pain disappeared again.
Appreciating Fellow Practitioners’ Support
During the period of sickness karma, I received selfless care and support from many practitioners, which gave me a sense of warmth and strength.
My aunt came from my hometown and stayed with me for a while. We studied the Fa, did the exercises, and sent righteous thoughts. Fellow practitioners from my hometown also encouraged me to strengthen my righteous thoughts and walk the path of cultivation well.
Chen suggested I stay with her after my aunt returned home so we could study the Fa, do the exercises, and send righteous thoughts. She also visited another practitioner, Jiang, who had major surgery and lost part of her memory, to study the Fa with her. When Jiang’s husband went out of town on business, Chen took Jiang into her home and took care of her daily needs. Chen might not be very articulate, but her words and deeds touched me deeply; in her, I saw the righteous faith, steadfastness, and selflessness of a cultivator.
Li also went through many tribulations, but she was unequivocal about the Fa teachings. She shared with me how she studied the Fa, how she thought things through, and how she measured things using the Fa. She said, “Every word Master said is Fa; we truly have no illnesses ...”
A couple who practiced Falun Dafa came to visit me. They shared their insights on understanding the Fa based on the Fa, encouraged me to strengthen my righteous thoughts, and believe in Dafa and Master. They shared their inspiring cultivation stories.
A senior practitioner, Dai, was in her 70s. She told me she was full of energy. Her optimistic and cheerful smile had a positive influence on me and increased my confidence.
An elderly practitioner in her 80s has been going through sickness karma lately. Still, she continues to go out daily to talk with people about the persecution and intensifies her Fa study. She also has an optimistic attitude and tells me to believe in Dafa.
The support and encouragement of local practitioners gave me confidence and strength. Whenever I encountered a problem, I would first go to my fellow practitioners; their firm belief in Dafa and Master always enlightened me through sharing and looking inward, which quickly brought me back on track.
Firmly Believing in Master and Dafa
During my bout of sickness karma, my vision was blurred, and a practitioner asked me, “Why do you think that is?” I said, “Maybe it has something to do with my sickness karma.” He replied, “Or, is it time for you to improve your xinxing?” I realized that the practitioner’s first thought was based on the Fa, but mine was based on human notions.
By looking inside more deeply, I saw that I lacked rock-solid faith in Master and Dafa. My notion of illness had yet to be eliminated. I know that I don’t disbelieve Dafa, but I don’t believe in myself because I’m not practicing well. In actuality, I do not understand the Fa deeply and have not positioned myself within it.
In the past, I pursued fame and benefits, hoping to be recognized and affirmed by others. As a result, I overexerted myself in many things and added more attachments. I began to spend more time and energy on cultivation and was not obsessed with the results. After that, things turned out better.
I used to envy ordinary people’s skills and longed to possess them. I wanted to satisfy my vanity when I saw pretty clothes; I wanted to pursue perfect love and even planned to decorate my house. Now, such things seem far removed and have nothing to do with me anymore.
When I read the articles in Minghui Weekly recently, almost every one of them helped me find human attachments that I hadn’t noticed or cared about before. When I discovered these attachments and paid attention to eliminating them, I felt incomparable joy in my heart—the joy of improving my level and realm.
When studying the Fa, I no longer read quickly. I read word by word and carefully comprehend the connotations of each sentence and the good intentions of Master that are behind them. Master repeatedly tells disciples to study the Fa more. Only by doing so and assimilating the Fa can we guide our thoughts and behaviors well and take every step correctly.
In the past, I thought I had some elegant hobbies, such as traveling, photography, and writing poetry. I was different from ordinary people and even boasted about my noble character.
Master told us:
“Once humans ascend from this realm and look back they will find it just awful. That’s the reason. They say that the human beings here are just wallowing in mud and that it’s filthy everywhere. That’s the meaning. In this dirty environment, people think that if they’re a little cleaner than others they’re better off, when in fact they can only wash their mud-covered body with muddy water. So I’d say they’re not much cleaner.” (Explaining the Fa for Falun Dafa Assistants in Changchun, Further Discussions on Falun Dafa)
It’s spring, and flowers are blooming again. I used to go everywhere to enjoy the flowers and take photos of them. When my friends asked me to go out and enjoy the scenery and take photos, I said I had more important things to do.
I’m incredibly fortunate to have so many selfless fellow practitioners around me. Talking with them revealed my shortcomings; comparing myself with them revealed my gaps. I benefited greatly from practicing Dafa. I will diligently cultivate, do the three things well, and fulfill my historic vow. I will not let Master down.
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Category: Improving Oneself
