(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1996. Now, at 73 years old, I’d like to share some of my cultivation experiences from the past year.
Cultivating Away Habitual Complaining
I started experiencing health issues about a year ago. I felt a heaviness, and tightness around my waist. I kept looking inward for my attachments and finally recognized my attachment to complaining.
I often complained to my husband about petty things, such as making a mess in the bathroom, littering cigarette butts and other garbage, or wearing his old worn out trousers instead of nice-fitting new ones. I did the same to my granddaughter, complaining about her wastefulness and untidiness.
My constant nagging sometimes irritated my husband so much so that he would reprimand me with a loud voice. I felt wronged, always justifying my complaints by saying that I did it for his own good. The atmosphere in our family became tense due to my constant complaining.
One day, a practitioner’s sharing article made me realize that I had an attachment to complaining. I analyzed this attachment carefully and uncovered other underlying attachments. I had attachments to competing with others, validating myself, and giving orders to others. I also felt superior and easily became anxious when faced with disagreements. With so many attachments, it was no wonder I felt heavy.
I thereafter tried hard to restrain myself from complaining. I reasoned with children and guided them positively. The atmosphere at home subsequently improved and I felt light and happy again.
From Reluctance to Willingness
My husband and I have had a relatively good marriage for more than 40 years. We never argued over money or family relationships, but only quarreled because he did not do housework. I felt it was unfair that I did everything, from raising our children to looking after our grandchildren.
After I cultivated Dafa, I found the answer in Master’s teaching:
“It is said in Buddhism that one lives because of karmic retribution. If you owe someone something, he will find you for the repayment. If he takes too much, he will have to pay it back to you the next time around. If a son is not good to his parents, they will trade places the next time; this is how it cycles on and on.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I sensed that I must have owed him a lot from my past life, and that I was repaying it now. I began to work at letting it go.
Nevertheless, whenever I was exhausted and he was leisurely watching TV, my resentment flared up again, and I would forget about that debt I owed him. Of course afterward I regretted it. This happened repeatedly.
Master guided me again with his words:
“Everyone has his own fate, and no one can handle that of another person. Even if they are your family, they are your family in this life, but in the next life perhaps they will be the family of some other person; and moreover, in the last life they might have been someone else’s family, too. So everyone has his own fate. Then if we want others to be a certain way, it definitely won’t work, because human lives are not arranged by humans, but by higher beings. There’s no such thing as whether you will leave them suffering, as these things have long been arranged.” (Teachings at the Conference in Houston)
Master’s words moved me and melted away my competitiveness, resentment, feelings of injustice, and even hatred toward my husband. When my disapproving attitude returned to me six months later, Master compassionately hinted to me in a dream. In the dream, I was comfortably sitting in a cart, being steadily pulled by a large sheep. My husband’s zodiac sign is the sheep. The dream made me realize that he labored for me a lot in our previous lives. From then on, I completely let go of my reluctance, and willingly did all the work.
Thank you, Master, for your compassionate guidance.
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Category: Improving Oneself
