(Minghui.org) All of our family members have deep affinities with us, but in reality, many of us often run into conflicts and find it hard to communicate with each other. Why does it happen this way? I would like to share some of my thoughts based on my personal experience.
Firstly, we often fail to treat our family members as sentient beings to be saved, and instead, we treat them with human emotions. By doing so, we have already lowered ourselves to the level of everyday people, and as a result, what we say would have little impact.
Secondly, we have not done well in our own cultivation. There is energy in what Dafa practitioners say, and the impact of such energy depends on how well we have cultivated in Dafa.
Take myself for example, there was a time period when I slacked off in cultivation and what I said to my family members had little effect. I tried to persuade my father to quit the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) organizations a number of times, but he refused until I almost lost my temper and threatened to sever the relationship between us. He agreed with reluctance in the end. I could see that he didn’t do it from his heart. I also talked with my mother sincerely to try to persuade her to quit the CCP, but she simply wouldn’t listen to me.
I looked within and tried to figure out why my mother reacted so negatively. I realized that it was because I didn’t do well in my own cultivation, and as a result, I was unable to dispel the evil elements behind her.
Thirdly, we often tend to impose our views on our family members. As Dafa practitioners, we should understand that we cannot expect our family members to have the same level of understanding about things as us. However, we often fail to observe the difference and expect them to view things from the same perspective as we do, and consequently feel frustrated when they think differently.
The fact is that everyone has his/her own aspirations and destiny, and beings at different levels have their own realms of thinking. So, we should not impose our own ideas upon our family members when clarifying the truth to them, and even less should we talk about things beyond their comprehension, otherwise we would easily get into arguments. I used to behave this way, and only improved after I realized my own problems and gained a better understanding.
Then, how can we do better in this respect? I think the most important thing is that we must improve ourselves through cultivation. When we cultivate ourselves well, what we say will have more power and effect. At the same time, we must treat our family members as precious sentient beings to be saved.
Ordinary people tend to put their own interests first, and so do our loved ones who are not practitioners. This is human nature based on the old universe, and we must take it into consideration when communicating with our family members. For those relatives who have been implicated and harmed as a result of our unlawful arrest and imprisonment during the persecution by the CCP, we should try to understand them from their perspective instead of getting into arguments with them.
When I was given a heavy sentence, my parents also suffered, and failing to see the evil nature of the CCP, they put all the blame on me. Although my father had a certain understanding about Dafa, he was still very unhappy with me. He made it clear that if I was put in jail again, and if they were gone upon my release, they would not leave me anything of the family assets, and if they were still around they would not allow me to enter the house. He said that they had their their own life to enjoy and they would not want to be implicated because of me. Since my mother was completely brainwashed by the CCP, one could imagine her hostile attitude towards me.
We should understand the difficulties our family members went through during the persecution. In the past, whenever my mother complained about me, I would argue with her. Looking back, it was my own attachment to a competitive mentality that drove me into those arguments. These days, when she complains about me, I remain very calm with no resentment. At the same time, I would start sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil elements behind her. As time goes on, she doesn’t complain about me as she used to do, and our relationship has also improved as I try my best to take care of her whenever I can.
Our family is also our cultivation environment. Although the part that has cultivated well in us is separated from us, we still have many attachments yet to be relinquished and what happens around us and how our family members behave are like a mirror to reflect upon ourselves.
Take my mother for example, after I let go of my resentment against her, I found that she has many positive traits. She always does things conscientiously and likes tidiness. She takes the relationship between men and women very seriously and handles it very well. There was one incident that left a deep impression on me.
Once, we went out to do something together with a couple who are old acquaintances. The wife took the driver’s seat, and I was about to sit in the passenger seat and let my mother and the husband sit together at the back. My mother disagreed, saying that she often dozed off when in a car, and it would be very inappropriate if she accidentally fell on the driver’s husband.
My mother is already an elderly woman, and there is a huge difference in the age groups. Even if she did accidentally doze off and fall on the much younger man, no one would think there was anything inappropriate. I was quite impressed and admired her adherence to traditional norms, especially in today’s society.
My mother was very beautiful when she was young and had many suitors, but after she married my father, she gave her whole heart to him. She said many times that since she had married my father, she would treat him well all her life.
Later, after my father passed away, a man kept sending her messages, expressing his concern for her, and it went on for a year. Everyone could see what was going on, but my mother never said or did anything inappropriate. She said that even though he was nice to her, he had a wife, and she would not do anything to cause discord between them. My mother rejected him tactfully and very firmly at the same time.
Reflecting upon myself, although I have never done anything improper sexually, erotic ideas do appear in my mind from time to time. I feel ashamed that I haven’t handled myself as well as an ordinary person like my mother in this respect. Each time when I look within by reflecting upon myself, I can always see my shortcomings and would try to improve through cultivation.
For example, once my mother said to me, “You were in jail for so many years and you didn’t have much of anything.” I checked within to see if I had any attachment to self interest, and indeed I realized my loopholes.
After my father passed away suddenly due to a heart attack, it was a lot of trouble to transfer his bank savings to my mother’s account. I thought I should work out a way so that I could transfer my mother’s money to my account before she became too old and unsound of mind, so that I wouldn’t have to go through the same trouble again. I also thought about what would happen if she passed away all of a sudden like my father, what would happen if she had to go to a nursing home, and what would be the best way to transfer the house ownership to me, etc. I even tried to calculate how much compensation I could get when the persecution ends and Dafa is restored.
My mother often said to me, “You’ve come to the human world to enjoy happiness and comfort.” I realized that these words were to remind me not to pursue leisure and comfort in life. When she said to me, “You (Falun Gong) cannot defeat the communist party.” I know that this was said to remind me to let go of attachments such as fear and a competitive mentality.
Although I cannot see anything through my celestial eye, I can feel that there is a badaffinity between me and my mother. She was strongly against me going out to clarify the truth to people even before I was arrested and put into jail; when I was imprisoned, she added insult to injury; after I was released, when the police came to harass me, she always cooperated with them unconditionally. I’ve come to the understanding that I must have hurt her badly in my previous lives, and so in this lifetime, she became my mother and tried to take revenge on me by trying to stop me from practicing cultivation. It is only that she doesn’t know this on the surface.
Although the old forces arranged a bad relationship between my mother and me to hold me back, Master made use of this situation and arranged for my mother to act as a mirror to help me see my own shortcomings. At the same time, I could also, through cultivation, calmly let go of all the resentment I had towards her and resolve the bad affinity with kindness.
I am only sharing the above based on my own situation, and hopefully it can serve as a lesson for others who experience difficulties in communication with family members.
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Category: Cultivation Insights
